Jump to content
    Cynus
  • Author
  • 4,723 Words
  • 5,361 Views
  • 27 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Shadow Honor - 1. Chapter 1

Check out my Patreon for early access to chapters(note:everything started at GA will be released in full at a regular pace. This is early access only, not exclusive access) and exclusive content! https://www.patreon.com/Cynus (note: I have too many characters, so Patron acknowledgement is now on the end note)

Salidar could smell the coming rain. He glanced up to the clouds and cursed. They were beginning to darken, and his mood darkened along with them. Rain was the last thing he wanted. They were close to finishing what his ancestors had started hundreds of years ago, but a little moisture was all it would take to ruin the chalk circle his mages were drawing upon the cobblestones. He would come back if the rain interrupted his plans, but each journey to the city risked his exposure to the Knights of the Firmament. If the knights ever learned what Salidar was trying to accomplish, he would never have a chance of succeeding.

He glanced to the man at his side, Fasha. For as long as Salidar had known Fasha, the man had remained an enigma, but Fasha had never proven to be anything other than loyal. Fasha had gone so far as to willingly become Salidar's familiar, bonding his blood to Salidar's and giving Salidar control of that bond. That display of trust from Fasha had touched Salidar deeply, and he cared for Fasha as he did a brother. Although the bond allowed Salidar to compel Fasha to act in accordance to his will, he had never had reason to do so, for Fasha always did as he was told. He served as Salidar's chief assassin, and when there wasn't someone to kill he was at Salidar's side, serving to intimidate the men and women who served under Salidar's command.

"How much longer will it take?" Salidar grumbled quietly, glad only Fasha was within earshot. For a king to show such a display of impatience was improper in Salidar's mind. He wanted those under his command to work urgently out of respect for him, not out of fear for their lives should they not work fast enough. Salidar hated men who ruled by fear as much as he hated men who ruled by love. Mutual respect between subject and ruler was the only way Salidar felt that a society could progress, and his kingdom had flourished under his rule.

Fasha glanced up at Salidar with one corner of his mouth raised in a half-grin and a sinister twinkle in his eye. "Are you worried about the knights finding us, or the weather?" Fasha asked then chuckled with light amusement. He returned his focus to where the alleyway widened around a pillar of grey fog that stretched until it disappeared into the clouds. Four magi were busy drawing the circle of runes in white chalk across the grey cobblestones at the base of the pillar. The circle was designed to protect them from what was trapped inside. The magi murmured amongst themselves at a volume too low for Salidar to hear the subject of their apparent disagreement. "Don't worry, my king, all is well," Fasha said soothingly, "We'll be out of Pentalus in no time, and we'll have our prize with us."

Salidar nodded, but not before glancing toward the mouth of the alleyway and the busy street beyond, where several of his soldiers stood guard. Beyond them lay a thriving metropolis filled with people who considered him an enemy. They were in the center of Pentalus, the City of Wonders, which was in the middle of the plains of Northern Kalle. It was the center of trade for the modern world and also the power center of Neredos, the Radiant King. King Neredos ruled from his throne built in The Everbright City, which was set among the clouds above Pentalus. The Everbright City was held aloft by the same magic Neredos had wielded against the demon hordes eight hundred years before. Salidar avoided looking up at the clouds above him again, knowing that Neredos was above him somewhere, and he gritted his teeth in silent rage.

Neredos had sealed the demon armies within the pillars of air that supported the cloud city, while the five demon generals who led the armies were sealed inside the five largest pillars. The Radiant King siphoned the power from these demons to grant himself immortality, giving him the power to rule for eternity should the gods allow him the privilege. Salidar's ancestors had spent centuries trying to determine a way around that immortality, but there was a problem; each demon general afforded Neredos protection from death in their own way. One afforded him immunity to the elements, another to disease, a third to injury, the fourth to aging, and the fifth removed the need to sleep, eat, or even breathe. Only by maintaining his link to the sealed demons could he ensure that he remained immortal, and thus he kept a watchful eye on those five pillars in particular and placed them in prominent places in the city. If all went well with his plans in the alley that would no longer be a problem, and Salidar was eagerly anticipating success in bringing down the tyrant.

At first Neredos had ruled with compassion and virtue, and his benevolence had been known far and wide. People flocked to his banner, but only those who had been among his first followers were allowed to reside in the Everbright City. Those who arrived later were forced to settle amongst the pillars beneath the cloud city, forming the city of Pentalus, which grew to become a thriving metropolis. Pentalus became a center of wealth and commerce, and in general the people were happy to serve their king.

But in time the laws became unbearable for some who lived under the rule of King Neredos. Those who disagreed with the law were few in number in the beginning, but over time their forces grew until they became great enough to challenge the king. The rebels were led by Odiran thulu'Khant, one of Salidar's ancestors, and he had forced his way into the Everbright City. The King's army, the Knights of the Firmament, met the rebels in battle and left only a small number of the insurgents alive. Those who did survive fled into caves that came to be called 'The Shade'. These caves lay beneath the city of Pentalus, and the rebels who escaped came to resent those who lived in the surface city above them, for supporting the king who had forced them into hiding.

It was a resentment that Salidar and his people still carried. The Shade became a haven for those who didn't fit in anywhere else; the thieves and vagrants, the rebels, all those who could not bear the strict rule of the Everbright tyrant. In time The Shade formed its own laws, though most were unwritten; whoever found it first, kept the prize; do not kill unless you are willing to die. It was anarchy, but yet there was a sense of order, a consequence brought on by the collective need to survive. Where the merchants formed their guilds in Pentalus above, the thieves of The Shade formed their own guilds below, out of the belief that there was safety in numbers. Both types of guilds found that there was profit to be gained by working with their fellows. The way of life may have been different in The Shade, but human nature remained the same.

The greatest of the guilds formed under Odiran thulu'Khant after he had led the rebels against the King in the first War of Pentalus. It was he who had retreated into the depths to bide his time for another strike. Though the opportunity never arose again during Odiran's lifetime, his men remained loyal until his death and transferred that loyalty on to his son when he took his father's place as head of the guild. And thus the lineage of the Underking, Salidar's lineage, was born.

From father to son the legacy continued, and with the legacy came the dream of the rebellion. Each Underking knew they must watch for the opportunity to strike at Neredos with everything they had, and to tear the kingdom out from under the tyrant's feet. As the years passed by, three more wars occurred, but each time the rebels were driven back into The Shade. The hope of rebellion began to fade as the memory of why it had begun disappeared, until the Underking's guild became no better than the thieves' guilds that surrounded him.

Until Salidar came to power, that is. He had been told the family legends, though he had been raised not to believe them. But as a child, he dreamed of being able to live in the city above; a place he was only able to visit in secret. The spirit of rebellion grew in Salidar until ending Neredos's reign once again became a dream worth realizing. Salidar's entire rule became bent to those ends, and he would stop at nothing to claim The Everbright City as his own.

His resources came from far and wide, from the Northern forests of the Gor, to the mountains of Braeg far to the south, as he searched everywhere for the answers that would grant him the power to take the Everbright City. He sent men to every nation, to consult with historians and mages, to piece together what had happened eight hundred years before. Most turned up only dead ends, but in time they were able to piece together that the answer lay in freeing the demons from their prisons. The search took new direction, and at long last Salidar came upon the solution in a grimoire of ancient magic.

Though Salidar had never become a student of magic himself, his son, Maxthane, had been tutored by the finest enchanter that The Shade had to offer. When the grimoire was delivered to his son, the glimmer of excitement in Maxthane's features had been more than enough repayment for acquiring the ancient tome in the first place, but when his son came back to him with the information that he had longed to hear; that had made it all the more worthwhile. It had led them to the alleyway in Pentalus.

"Remind them that the longer we're here the more chance we have of being discovered," Salidar said after a moment, "and they won't like the result if we are."

Fasha bowed and went to do as he was told, his step silent as he moved with deadly grace. When he arrived at the first of the magi and laid a hand on the mage's robed shoulder, the mage pulled away and reached for the knife on his belt before realizing that it was Fasha. The magi stopped their murmuring and listened as Fasha relayed Salidar's message. One of the magi looked over his shoulder and smiled at Salidar; a youth of fifteen, bare-chested with a black dhoti covering his legs. Black tattoos decorated most of his bare flesh, except for a large patch on his right shoulder. Maxthane was the most experienced mage in the group despite his young age, and should have been in control, but the other magi had been letting their years override their wisdom.

Where the other magi were cowed by the threat that Fasha delivered, Maxthane immediately took the opening provided by Fasha's admonishment and seized control of the situation. He barked orders at the other magi that they rushed to follow, hearing the command in Maxthane's voice and not wishing to incur the wrath of Salidar. With a satisfied nod Maxthane rose from the circle and walked toward Salidar.

"I see you took advantage of the situation. Well done," Salidar commended, resting a hand on Maxthane's bare shoulder and feeling the smooth skin beneath his fingers. "Now, tell me about the ritual. How close are we?"

"Extremely close. Dulgek seemed to think that the circle needed to be drawn further out even though it is unnecessary. If we pulled it back as far as he wanted, we would run into the walls," Maxthane explained. He rolled his eyes as he locked his gaze on the eldest of the magi behind him, Dulgek. In Maxthane's sudden absence from the group the mage was beginning to argue with the other magi again, though a quick look up at Fasha who was still watching over them silenced him again. Maxthane chuckled dryly and turned back to Salidar, his eyes suddenly showing their uncertainty as he bit his lower lip and asked in a whisper, "Father, what do we do if it doesn't work?"

"We go back to the drawing board, Max," Salidar replied with a light laugh, though he could feel in his bones that they were on the right track. "I'm sure the answer still lies in the grimoire, even if it isn't as readily apparent as it seems to be. You'll go back to studying it, and I'll go back to looking for answers elsewhere." He shrugged and looked at Maxthane, squeezing his shoulder tightly and raised his other hand in front of him, his elbow bent as he clenched his fist in determination. "There has to be a way to free the demons even if it has been lost to time, Max. Neredos can't have removed all traces of the magic capable of undoing his immortality from the face of the world. Even his influence does not reach that far."

"What about the implications of what we're doing?" Maxthane asked slowly and deliberately, "The demons nearly destroyed the world before. Are we so sure that we can stop that if things get out of hand?"

"Are we back to arguing the morality of our actions?" Salidar replied. The argument was an old one, and he took a deep breath and calmed himself before going on to make the same point he always made, "Neredos cannot be allowed to rule any longer than he already has. We are taking every precaution available. It's not like we're going to free them all today."

"I know," Maxthane admitted shaking his head and meeting Salidar's eyes with a tight smile as he offered, "Perhaps I'm just worried."

"You'll do fine," Salidar insisted as he squeezed Maxthane's shoulder before releasing it. "You've been training for this for quite some time. I'm sure you can handle it."

"Thank you for your confidence, father," Maxthane replied with a formal bow. "I'll return to assisting the magi now. It's time that we began the ritual."

Salidar watched with pride as his son rejoined the others and assumed command. Under Maxthane's confident direction the magi quickly finished their work of drawing the circle of runes. As long as the circle remained unmarred it would function, but a thunderclap above them reminded Salidar again that time was not on their side. It was almost as if the clouds above were protesting their attempt to free the demon within the pillar. Whether the rain came or not, Salidar still intended to go through with the ritual. He could not bear to wait any longer; he had to know if this would work.

He smiled as Maxthane looked back at him for confirmation to proceed, once the last line had been drawn. Salidar nodded, and received the same gesture back, accompanied by a determined smile. Maxthane knelt just outside the circle and began to chant in ancient Gor; a language that had not been spoken in Pentalus for centuries.

The very walls around them seemed to quake with the force of the arcane words as they left Maxthane's mouth, and when the other magi joined in, Salidar swore that it felt as if the earth beneath his feet was about to open up and swallow them all, sending them back down to The Shade where they belonged. As quickly as it had begun the quaking subsided, and to Salidar's delight the pillar of fog began to dissipate.

"It seems to be working," Maxthane said, breaking his chant for a moment, to spur on his fellows, "Keep it up, men. We're almost there."

The fog began to thin and Salidar laughed in delight as an arm of the demon came into view. Its fearsome, jagged claws, which extended from the back of its hand, were poised to strike downward, as if it had been frozen in the throes of battle. His heart skipped a beat as the arm began to move. At first it was just a twitch, but as the fog continued to disappear, more of the body came into view, and the mind of the demon seemed to gain control of its extremities. Soon it was flexing and stretching muscles that had not been used in centuries.

And then its eyes came into view, four orbs of bright white light gleaming through the last few wisps of fog. The fog cleared the rest of the way and the whole creature was revealed. It stood two heads taller than the average man, which put it at a similar size to the ferocious Elroks, with its wide bulk matching that of the Elroks as well. Its four-eyed head roared as it fully awoke, the sound every bit as ominous as the thunderclap that accompanied it, and revealed a maw filled with sharp teeth that resembled those of an alligator. The horns that extended from the sides of its head and curved to point forward were much larger than those of any bull, and resembled nothing that Salidar had ever seen.

"It's free!" Salidar shouted as his pulse began to race and adrenaline surged through his veins. This was it, the moment he had been waiting for years to see. "Now men, hold it!"

His soldiers rushed toward the beast with catchpoles ready, but the demon was already striking downward, clawed fist moving fast toward Maxthane's skull. Salidar called out to his son and took several quick steps toward him and Maxthane jumped far back from the circle's perimeter, giving Salidar a complete view of the demon and simultaneously causing him to gasp at an unexpected sight.

Lying at the demon's feet was a warrior, who had blocked the demon's long-frozen strike with metal bracers guarding his forearms, the points of the claws barely an inch from piercing the flesh of his neck. The warrior, who appeared middle-aged, was dressed in a manner that Salidar didn't recognize; an outfit of tightfitting black cloth with worn metal bracers over his arms and shins. The dark tone of his skin led Salidar to believe the man might be from the western desert, though he could have been from some more distant land.

One of Salidar's soldiers caught the demon's other arm with his catchpole, distracting its attention away from the man on the ground before it, which allowed the warrior an opportunity to slip out from under the demon. He rolled away quickly and jumped to his feet, assuming a stance that would impress anyone familiar with combat, and then turned to face his demonic opponent without showing any fear. If he had any suspicion that the other humans around him might be enemies, he didn't show it.

The demon wrestled the first catchpole out of the soldier's hands, lifting the man off his feet. It then tried to step toward him to deliver a blow with its claws but stopped in its tracks as it reached the edge of the circle of chalk. It roared in rage as it shook its head in an attempt to fight through the magic that was keeping it compelled to stay within the bounds of the circle.

The next few catchpoles swung its way but were knocked aside without finding any purchase on the leathery skin of the beast, and Salidar was becoming frustrated. "Hold it steady, dammit!" He called out, his voice nearly masked by the thunderclap that erupted above them. "We are running out of time!"

The warrior turned and regarded Salidar with curiosity. "Hold it?" He asked. "Very well." He rushed back into the circle, sliding under the demon's legs so that he was behind the beast. Once he was out of the demon's sight he jumped onto its back and then reached around its thick neck to put the demon into a chokehold. This enraged the demon even further, and it thrashed backward with its claws in an attempt to get the warrior off its back, but its arms were not made to bend that far and the demon couldn't quite reach him.

The soldiers managed to get their catchpoles in place while the demon was distracted, first catching the demon's legs and then its arms as it toppled to the ground. Within seconds the demon was bound by the catchpoles, though it continued struggling against them and the grip of the man on its back. It was steadily losing steam as the warrior cut off its air supply. Not a minute later the demon collapsed to the ground, its strength spent as it slipped into unconsciousness.

Maxthane and the other magi quickly moved in, their long and thick syringes at the ready as they pricked the skin of the demon and began to drain its blood. The warrior watched curiously as he released the demon and came to stand by Salidar. His soldiers watched the warrior warily, but since Salidar was making no defensive moves nor ordering them to do so on his behalf, they remained where they were, binding the arms and legs of the demon with strong metal cords while the magi did their part of the work.

"I have never seen this strategy in fighting demons," the warrior remarked as he looked at the demon and the men moving around beside it. His accent was thick, and nothing like that of the men of the desert that Salidar had met in the past, leaving him to believe that his guess about the warrior's origins were wrong. The warrior shook his head and then took a look at his surroundings, and his eyes widened as he noticed the walls of the buildings around them. "Where is this place? How did I arrive here?"

"You are in the city of Pentalus. I assume there was no city when you arrived," Salidar said with an amused smile. He turned to look at Fasha who was watching the warrior with a dangerous frown. Although the warrior had already helped them, it was obvious to Salidar that Fasha didn't like the warrior. He was gripping the kris tucked into his belt and took a step toward Prism but Salidar raised his hand to stall Fasha and the assassin took the hint. He had resumed his original position of watching the demon as the warrior shook his head in response to Salidar's question, his gaze still locked on the buildings around him. "You've been sealed with that demon for a long time I'm afraid; almost eight hundred years."

"Sealed? You mean, the strategy worked?" The warrior replied with a sudden smile, "I must congratulate Neredos on his victory then!" His eyes narrowed as he continued, "But if the demons are sealed," He paused as he turned to Salidar and asked with a deadly calm, "Then why are you freeing them?"

"That is a matter to discuss later, when we are safely back at my home," Salidar offered, though the warrior's question made him wary. "Would you care to accompany me there?"

"Home. I've not thought of home since the demons invaded. I've been on the front lines for almost as long as I can remember," the warrior replied wistfully, and then smiled again as he agreed, "Yes, I think I would like that. I am Grandmaster Prism, from Ultaka."

"I am Salidar thulu'Khant, of The Shade," Salidar replied, extending his arm for Prism to shake. Prism took his arm and grasped it firmly as Salidar added, "Well met, Grandmaster Prism. We will be departing shortly."

"We've got enough," Salidar heard Maxthane say, as if in agreement with his father's statement. "Let's move. Get the materials ready."

The two men watched as another rune circle was drawn on the ground, though this one was much smaller than the first and drawn in more modern runes than the arcane Gor runes that had been used before. The drawn blood of the demon was poured into a cauldron that was set in the center of the circle. Maxthane was chanting as he mixed the blood with several other ingredients, among them indigo ink made for tattooing. Salidar moved to stand by his son to offer any support that Maxthane needed. His son finished chanting as the mixture in the cauldron began to glow with an eerie blue light. The enchantment had taken hold and the ink was ready to be used.

"Father, are you sure about this?" Maxthane asked. The sheen of sweat coated Maxthane's brow and Salidar realized how nervous his son actually was. He glanced at the demon and realized that Maxthane had every right to be nervous. It wasn't every day that one became blood-bound to a demon and made it his familiar.

"I'm sure," Salidar said with a nod, but he continued to watch Maxthane with concern as he asked, "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Maxthane replied as he wiped his brow. He looked to the magi standing a few feet away and nodded. "Go ahead."

Salidar watched with satisfaction as the three magi moved into position beside his son. They took out their tattoo kits and divided the now enchanted ink between them, and then set to work on tattooing the flesh of Maxthane's right bicep. Having gone through tattooing many times before, Maxthane was used to the pain, but the anxiety of having this particular tattoo done was starting to get to him after suffering through the first fifteen minutes. It didn't help his mood at all when he heard the demon stir in the circle not far away.

Prism's face was nearly unreadable, but Salidar watched his eyes and saw the suspicion hidden there. Salidar paused for a moment to consider that suspicion, and realized that Prism, being from a different time, would have a different perspective on the matter at hand. Before today neither he nor any of his men had ever seen a demon, much less tried to capture one, and it was a testament to their training and discipline that they had not cracked under the pressure. It was a testament to Maxthane's discipline, as well, that he did not react when the demon roared in protest as it came back to consciousness.

"Why are you doing this?" Prism asked Salidar, keeping one eye on the demon as it struggled against the bindings that held it. While his tone was emotionless, the suspicion in his eyes had only intensified.

"We are attempting to harness the power of the demon for our benefit," Salidar explained, choosing his words carefully. "If this ritual is successful, then Maxthane will be able to control the demon."

Prism nodded simply, apparently accepting the answer, and Salidar turned his attention back to his son. The three magi, each of whom was a master at the craft of inscribing magical tattoos, had completed the bulk of their work and were making finishing touches. Salidar leaned down to Maxthane's ear and whispered, "Well, son, what do you think? How does it feel?"

"It's more power than I've ever experienced before, but I think I can handle it," Maxthane replied. The magi finished their work and stepped away. To test the strength of his new bond to the demon, Maxthane extended his will toward the creature and commanded it to stop struggling. Almost immediately the beast stopped moving and glared menacingly in Maxthane's direction. He glanced at Salidar and then back to the demon as he whispered, "You were right."

"It will get easier with time," Salidar insisted, patting his son on the shoulder, and then, eyeing Prism, he whispered so that only his son could hear, "We just have to hope that everyone else will be ready before we unleash the rest of them."

Another thunderclap erupted overhead, adding its ominous rumble as a backdrop to Salidar's whisper. They would proceed with the plan, that much was now certain. As the rain began to fall and wash away the circles of chalk, Salidar couldn't help but laugh. The protection was no longer necessary with the demon chained and Maxthane in control of its actions. Why had he ever been worried?

Check out my Patreon for early access to chapters(note:everything started at GA will be released in full at a regular pace. This is early access only, not exclusive access) and exclusive content(stories posted only at Patreon as of this posting)! https://www.patreon.com/Cynus

Special thanks to my patrons for their support: Michael, Charlie, Bill, Paul, Matt, James, Shadow, Joe, Bart, John, Mark, Sam, Pete, Richmond, Scott, Frank, Amr, Haldon, Jay, Mark, Joel, Steve, Don, Jos, Peter, Chris, Heiko, Jeff, Frapsity, Raymond, Ganymedes, Jerod, Mike, Craig, Jack, Poovendran, and YOUR NAME HERE. You're all awesome!
 
Come join us at the forum for the story discussion!

 
Copyright © 2018 Cynus; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 25
  • Love 4
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
You are not currently following this author. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new stories they post.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments



  • Site Moderator

It is an interesting beginning. It is difficult to discern who is in the right here from Salidar's perspective. Every cause is just for those who pursue it.  There are discontents even under a perfect rule. How long will it take for Prism to realize what his new companions have planned?

  • Like 4
Link to comment
10 hours ago, drpaladin said:

It is an interesting beginning. It is difficult to discern who is in the right here from Salidar's perspective. Every cause is just for those who pursue it.  There are discontents even under a perfect rule. How long will it take for Prism to realize what his new companions have planned?

All excellent observations. :) This was actually my second fantasy novel I ever wrote, but it has sat on a shelf for a long time because I always wanted to smooth it out a bit more and send it to publishers, but I've moved on to other projects so I decided to release it to the public. Hopefully taking a couple years back in style won't detract too much from the plot, heh. The characters are worth paying attention to, I think, as you'll find a great deal hidden in the details.

Thanks for reading, as always!

  • Like 5
Link to comment
47 minutes ago, BlindAmbition said:

Great start! I’m definitely wanting to know more. It’s always nice to see another one of your stories.

And it's always nice to see another one of your comments on one of my stories. ;) I'll be posting a chapter on Saturdays and Wednesdays. If I don't keep that schedule, slap me.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Just now, Lux Apollo said:

Yay new stuff from Cynus!

26 chapters of it. :) Glad you found your way here!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
8 minutes ago, Cynus said:

And it's always nice to see another one of your comments on one of my stories. ;) I'll be posting a chapter on Saturdays and Wednesdays. If I don't keep that schedule, slap me.

Sounds good! Hmm, palm ready! 😉

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment

Nice start, but why do I feel that it can go wrong? Playing with demons... Dangerous... And who will control Maxthane? I am sure Salidar doesn't want to trade a tyrant for another, and who knows how binding with a demon will affect Maxthane?

  • Like 3
Link to comment

A story opening to a dark, moody, and dramatic scene... You say it's an older story, written  a while back. Well it's new to me and I like it. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
1 hour ago, Sweetlion said:

Nice start, but why do I feel that it can go wrong? Playing with demons... Dangerous... And who will control Maxthane? I am sure Salidar doesn't want to trade a tyrant for another, and who knows how binding with a demon will affect Maxthane?

It does seem a bit like playing with fire, doesn't it? Who knows what will come of it? Stay tuned every Saturday and Wednesday to find out. :)

1 hour ago, Stephen said:

A story opening to a dark, moody, and dramatic scene... You say it's an older story, written  a while back. Well it's new to me and I like it. 

I'm glad. This is the first time it's been released online, but it's been sitting on a shelf for awhile, waiting for me to do something with it. I finally decided posting was the way to go.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
3 hours ago, deville said:

Riveting start , great to see a new story by you. 

It's great to be seen! I'm glad you're enjoying it. :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment

A very interesting start because it is hard to tell who the 'good guys' are? I hope it is Salidar. There are quite a few 'I hopes' just from this first chapter, but I will stick to just one - I hope Prism ends up on Salidars side...

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
13 minutes ago, Buz said:

A very interesting start because it is hard to tell who the 'good guys' are? I hope it is Salidar. There are quite a few 'I hopes' just from this first chapter, but I will stick to just one - I hope Prism ends up on Salidars side...

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on your perspective) you may be asking that question for awhile. :) There are at least three sides in this story, possibly as many as five or six depending on how you divide them. :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment

I enjoyed this first chapter. Thanks for making the people and place names readable and pronounceable. Nothing ruins fantasy faster, for me, than long names that are next to impossible to say. You have done a good job of setting up your story with this first chapter! There are lots of questions waiting to be answered. Thanks.

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment

Finally I have time to read your new story! And what an opening! Not sure unleashing demons is recommendable, but to batte a tyrant it could be necessary. Just hope Maxthane is strong enough to control the beast. And same for the others. Those closing words sound a bit too ominous, though.

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 2/8/2018 at 12:49 AM, JeffreyL said:

I enjoyed this first chapter. Thanks for making the people and place names readable and pronounceable. Nothing ruins fantasy faster, for me, than long names that are next to impossible to say. You have done a good job of setting up your story with this first chapter! There are lots of questions waiting to be answered. Thanks.

I'm so sorry for my delay in responding to this. I meant to, but somehow time got away from me.

I'm glad you enjoy the names! They're actually all based on something, or recycled from earlier projects. Maxthane thulu-Khant was actually an anagram of one of my early Dungeons and Dragons characters, heh.

6 hours ago, Puppilull said:

Finally I have time to read your new story! And what an opening! Not sure unleashing demons is recommendable, but to batte a tyrant it could be necessary. Just hope Maxthane is strong enough to control the beast. And same for the others. Those closing words sound a bit too ominous, though.

Yay! Welcome, my friend! Yes, it is a bit of a tricky situation, isn't it? Who is right here? Do the ends justify the means? I'm glad to see you questioning as ever. :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment

I’m just now catching on to this.  I will say part of the premise reminds me of a Brandon Sanderson series, where an ancient and seemingly immortal tyrant rules the world, but also holds back a more dangerous threat.  I can’t imagine releasing demons in the world is a good thing.  But, neither is some undying totalitarian drawing his power from said demons.  How much has that changed him, has he become more demonic himself?

 

Max’s hesitance speaks for itself.  If he’s more experienced than the older mages, one would think it would really be his father (not a mage himself) who should be deferring to Max in such matters.  If Max is that concerned, his father should be much more concerned.  I’m not just concerned how Max might change himself, I’m also concerned if the bond with the demon can possibly be a doorway for the demon to exert influence over Max.  None of them have ever had any experience dealing with a demon before.  They have no clue what’s possible.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
7 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

I’m just now catching on to this.  I will say part of the premise reminds me of a Brandon Sanderson series, where an ancient and seemingly immortal tyrant rules the world, but also holds back a more dangerous threat.  I can’t imagine releasing demons in the world is a good thing.  But, neither is some undying totalitarian drawing his power from said demons.  How much has that changed him, has he become more demonic himself?

 

Max’s hesitance speaks for itself.  If he’s more experienced than the older mages, one would think it would really be his father (not a mage himself) who should be deferring to Max in such matters.  If Max is that concerned, his father should be much more concerned.  I’m not just concerned how Max might change himself, I’m also concerned if the bond with the demon can possibly be a doorway for the demon to exert influence over Max.  None of them have ever had any experience dealing with a demon before.  They have no clue what’s possible.

Mistborn is a great book! I honestly didn't have it in mind when I originally wrote this, but I can see why you'd draw a correlation. I've had the fortune of meeting Brandon Sanderson a few times (Even played a game of Magic with him), and I'm a huge fan of his work. I'll take the comparison as a compliment, and love your analysis. Kelsier will forever be on my list of favorite fictional characters of all time.

I love your observations on Maxthane, and those are great things to be asking about. What will happen between him and the demon? They're playing with forces none of them understand, but they've also prepared as much as they feel they could have before this meeting. Is it potentially just Max's youthful naivety making him nervous?

  • Like 2
Link to comment

    After just finishing another of your stories, I sought this one out as being a little more contemporary, in date of publication, not necessarily in the era being described. I enjoy your writing style even though the magic sometimes confuses an old writer of Engineering Reports such as I. Obviously magic is not my forte, but I will put my pragmatism on the back burner for a while and just relax and enjoy.

   The freedom from technical (read: grammatical) errors in your writing is a real pleasure, too many GA authors publish with the grammar of a pre-teen who slept through his English classes in Grade School and, though his writing may tell an interesting tale, it is destroyed for the reader by his poor command of the mechanics of English composition.       Misspellings, homophones, and verb-subject disagreements interrupt a reader's concentration and he loses the thread of the narrative. I will not even mention punctuation. English punctuation is a morass in which an author can easily become mired!

   These grammatical faults are so easy to avoid - subjecting one's writing to a grammar checker like Grammarly (which is free) is a very simple solution. A good editor or beta reader is another help. Just re-reading the work before publication doesn't work well as the author's eye can skip too easily over grammatical errors because if his familiarity with his own writing and concern with the story being told. 

   At any rate, I am looking forward to enjoying your work with much anticipation.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
On 12/8/2018 at 5:03 AM, Will Hawkins said:

    After just finishing another of your stories, I sought this one out as being a little more contemporary, in date of publication, not necessarily in the era being described. I enjoy your writing style even though the magic sometimes confuses an old writer of Engineering Reports such as I. Obviously magic is not my forte, but I will put my pragmatism on the back burner for a while and just relax and enjoy.

   The freedom from technical (read: grammatical) errors in your writing is a real pleasure, too many GA authors publish with the grammar of a pre-teen who slept through his English classes in Grade School and, though his writing may tell an interesting tale, it is destroyed for the reader by his poor command of the mechanics of English composition.       Misspellings, homophones, and verb-subject disagreements interrupt a reader's concentration and he loses the thread of the narrative. I will not even mention punctuation. English punctuation is a morass in which an author can easily become mired!

   These grammatical faults are so easy to avoid - subjecting one's writing to a grammar checker like Grammarly (which is free) is a very simple solution. A good editor or beta reader is another help. Just re-reading the work before publication doesn't work well as the author's eye can skip too easily over grammatical errors because if his familiarity with his own writing and concern with the story being told. 

   At any rate, I am looking forward to enjoying your work with much anticipation.

I appreciate the kudos! While this story was released after "Rivers of the Dead", it was written much earlier. "Shadow Honor" is actually the third novel I ever wrote. It was always intended to be a series, and in my younger hubris at the time I thought I could get it published the traditional way. Once I was rejected, however, I shelved it and its series to work on other things. I finally decided to revisit it, and ended up with it attracting enough attention that I decided to pursue the rest of the series (which is what I'm working on right now). Book 3 should release pretty soon once I get a chance to finish applying all the edits I'm behind on. I have thankfully been blessed with some great editors who have taught me a lot over the years, is how I've managed to avoid having as many mistakes as I could have my writing.

Only "Shadow Honor" was written years ago, while book 2 was written earlier this year. Hopefully you'll enjoy the series!

  • Like 2
Link to comment

View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..