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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Commencement - 19. Somebody I Used to Know

I knew I had to do it. I knew I had to talk to Brett sometime. It was driving me insane to be without him. But every time I saw him he was surrounded by people. Two weeks had passed since that day when everything had fallen apart. I didn’t know where to turn. To my surprise, there was no mention around the school of Joey’s parents breaking up or anything. I thought for sure by then that word would have gotten out that their marriage had fallen apart. Nor was there any news about Brett’s mom being disgraced and drummed out of her practice because of her sins. Nothing. No news at all.

 

I did manage to get to Joey on Friday before school and asked him if he could ask Brett to at least let me talk to him for a few minutes.

 

“I thought I told you I’m not your messenger boy,” Joey said.

 

“I just need a few minutes. That’s all, I swear.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Joey said.

 

At lunch, Joey came and sat down next to me. “He said he’ll meet you right after school in Miss Winston’s old room where they used to have the gay club meetings.”

 

“Okay!” I replied. That would be easy, that was the room where I had my last class. Of course, talking to Brett was all I thought about for the rest of the day. Biology class seemed to take forever. I just wanted to hear his voice after two weeks, even if he yelled at me.

 

After class was dismissed, everyone cleared out of the room, leaving just me, Joey, and Dustin. Even the teacher had left. After a few minutes, Brett hobbled in on his crutches.

 

“What is this, an intervention?” he asked. He sat on top of the teacher’s desk.

 

“No we just wanted to support you guys,” Dustin said.

 

“Okay, first of all, there is no more ‘you guys,’ Smith. Secondly, I really don’t give a fuck what you have to say to me.”

 

“Dude, what Billy and I did happened before you guys were even together. And it wasn’t even satisfying. He cut everything off before we even finished. I do love him, but I know he’s your boyfriend and I’ve always respected that. I’ve moved on.”

 

“So I hear. Dougie and Aiden, huh? Boy, you really must be good.”

 

“You’re sleeping with Aiden, too?” I asked.

 

“Uh… Actually…”

 

“Oh, tell me you guys didn’t have a three-way!” I gasped.

 

“Okay, I’m going to go,” Dustin said. “Come on, Joe. Let’s let these guys talk.”

 

“You going to be okay, bro?” Joey asked Brett.

 

“Yeah. This shouldn’t take long.” They left, leaving just me and Brett alone.

 

“So what did you have to say?” Brett asked.

 

“First of all, I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh really? And what are you sorry about?”

 

“I’m sorry that I lied to you. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you as soon as I found out.”

 

“Are you really, really sorry?” Brett asked.

 

“I am!”

 

“Do you promise to never do it again?”

 

“I swear!”

 

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

 

“No!”

 

Brett laughed. “Jesus, you’re such a fucking douchebag. ‘Oh Brett,’ he mocked. ‘I’m sooooooo sorry!’ Yeah. You’re sorry you got caught.”

 

“No, Brett I swear!”

 

“You shouldn’t swear. You’re an atheist. Your swearing means jack.”

 

“I’m not an atheist. I just… I have serious doubts about the existence of God.”

 

“Well I’m not an atheist, Billy. I actually have a lot of faith, not that you would care. You’d just call me stupid for believing. And that’s the biggest problem. It’s not just that you lied to me. I could get over that eventually. It’s always been about respect. You think you’re so much smarter than me because you get good grades and you can read well. And because you think I’m stupid you don’t respect me. You really thought that I would never find out that you knew about Jack. You thought you could just lie to me forever because I was too stupid to figure it out. But all along, you were the one who was stupid. Once I realized that you knew, it was so easy to trick you. I tried everything I could to get you to confess, but I wasn’t going to just tell you that I knew, because you would have just kept lying to me. I thought, ‘somewhere along this four-hour trip he’s going to realize what’s going on and finally tell me the truth.’ And I swear to you, Billy, I would have forgiven you even in that waiting room. But you just proved my point. You have no respect for anyone but yourself. The whole time all you were worried about was saving your own skin, or saving your stupid internship, or saving that stupid valedictorian title. All so you could prove how fucking smart you are! Here’s the thing, you may be smart, you may be intelligent, but you aren’t wise. Really, you’re dumber than me in a lot of ways. I mean, you really think I would be happy flipping burgers while you go out and save the world? You really think that is the kind of life I’d be happy with?”

 

“Brett, I would give all that up for you! I don’t want to be valedictorian! I want to be your boyfriend. I just want to be with you. That’s all! I know I fucked up. I admit it! Everything you said was right about me. I’m so fucking stupid! I never wanted to hurt you, I swear! Everything I did, I did because I wanted to protect you! But instead I just drove you away.”

 

“Did you fuck Dustin?” Brett asked.

 

“No!”

 

“Did you suck his dick?”

 

“No! I swear!”

 

“Did you jack him off?”

 

“I… yes,” I admitted.

 

“Did he jack you off?”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“God, Billy!” Brett said angrily. “Did he put his hand on your penis and stroke it or not?”

 

“Yes. But we didn’t cum!”

 

“Oh that makes it so much better! Okay, so here’s the deal, Joey told me what he did to you in the bathroom. I didn’t even ask him, he just told me. That’s what people who are really sorry do. See, that’s yet another thing that you could have told me and you didn’t. And while I should feel angry about it, I don’t. And that’s what’s really terrible about this Billy. I should feel angry that you got sexually assaulted by my own brother. But I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel angry. I don’t feel hurt. I don’t even feel sorry for you. That’s what you’ve done to me, Billy. You broke something in me. That’s why I can’t just forget everything and get back together with you. You’ve taken something from me and I don’t even know what it is, and I can’t get it back. I feel nothing for you. I don’t hate you. I don’t love you. I feel nothing. And I know it’s just numbness at the moment, and when it wears off it’s really going to hurt. Not even my mother has ever hurt me as badly as you. I expected my mother to be a bitch. I expected Jack to be a dick. But you were the one who was supposed to always be by my side, no matter what. Mom and Jack stabbed me in the back, but you stabbed me in the heart. I’m hurting, Billy. My heart is shattered into too many pieces to ever put back together. It hurts to look at you. It hurts to remember the things you said to me over the last two years and wonder what was the truth and what was a lie. When I look into your eyes, I still see your grandmother. I still see some piece of you that made me fall in love with you. I know that person is still in there. I know that boy who wanted me to feel special and loved from the very first day we met is still inside you. But I don’t know who this person is that you’ve become. I don’t know this person who cares more about himself than for others. I don’t want to know him.”

 

Brett scooped up his bookbag and slung it over his shoulders, then he hopped off the teacher’s desk and propped himself up on his crutches.

 

“What can I do to make this right?” I asked. “I’ll do anything!”

 

“I don’t have the answer, Billy. You have to find the answer inside yourself. I’m not going to figure this out for you. I can’t. You have to do it. And even if you do, I can’t promise you that I’d want to come back to you. I want you to be a better person, not for me, but for yourself. Somewhere along the way you lost yourself. I don’t know if it was your dad dying, or your depression, or Dustin’s attempted suicide, or what Joey did to you… Maybe it was all of that. But if you don’t find yourself again, then I can’t help you.”

 

Brett opened the door. “I hope someday I can like you again. Or at least feel something for you besides nothing. This is killing me. See you later, Billy.”

 

And then he was gone.

 

After a minute or so Dustin returned to the room.

 

“Did he say anything to you when he left?” I asked.

 

“No, he just ignored me. Guess he’s mad at me too.”

 

“I deserve it,” I said.

 

“Yeah,” Dustin replied. “You do.”

 

“Gee thanks!” I said.

 

“No, he’s right. I overheard some of the conversation. Sorry, but the room isn’t soundproof. Billy, he is right. I mean, you were always kind of a moron when it came to people, but what you’ve been up to lately is bad, even for you. I don’t blame Brett for being mad at you. I tried to tell you this would happen.”

 

“If all you’re going to do is make me feel worse then why don’t you just leave me alone?”

 

“Because you need somebody to be your friend through this. Just because I don’t like what you did doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you.”

 

“Great. So how am I supposed to find myself?”

 

“I don’t know. When I was going through my thing with my parents my therapist helped me to explore my childhood, they helped me to understand more about who I am. Maybe that’s what you need to do? Maybe you should go back to your childhood.”

 

“That’s just great! And I suppose you have a Flux Capacitor and a DeLorean handy?”

 

“No, stupid! Try talking to your mother about your life or something. I swear, if you were as good with people as you are with numbers…”

 

“Well I’m not! I’m just stupid! Numbers are simple! They don’t change. A number is consistent and never changes value, it’s always going to be what it is! People are complicated and they do irrational things for stupid reasons. They don’t make any sense! They never have! And I’m the worst of them! I hate being so fucked up and I hate hurting people I love! If I could just be left alone in a room with nothing but statistics all day all by myself where I couldn’t hurt anybody I would be the happiest person in the universe.”

 

“But that situation doesn’t exist, Billy! You’re always going to have to deal with people.”

 

“Well, I guess if you’re having three-ways with Dougie and Aiden I guess you’d know a thing or two about handling people,” I said.

 

“Wow, look at the time!” Dustin said. “If we don’t get going soon Emily is going to leave us here.”

 

We were lucky that Em was patient and didn’t leave us behind. I needed to get a job or something so I could get a car. I hated relying on other people for stuff. When I got home, it was more of the same. Mom had to be tired of me moping around the house for two weeks. She was thrilled when I asked her to see the photo albums of my childhood.

 

“Oh, look at that blond hair!” she exclaimed as she turned from one page of photographs to another.

 

“Yeah. We saw this one before. Don’t you have any other pictures of me besides what’s in here? I’m supposed to be trying to discover who I am.”

 

Mom laughed. “Well, I suppose there’s your baby book.” She grabbed it from her room.

 

I read the info on the first page, “William Aaron… Length, 21 inches. Weight, 5 pounds, 3 ounces.”

 

“And you were early for the first and only time in your life,” mom said. “I had you at thirty-six weeks. You were supposed to be a January baby.”

 

I flipped through the pages. “Baby’s first word – ‘dada,’ 5 months.”

 

I paused. “Five months? I was five months when I said my first word? That’s pretty early, isn’t it?”

 

Mom just smiled, “Oh yes. Once you started talking you never shut up.”

 

“Thanks for that. Wow, I never knew.”

 

“What difference does it make now?”

 

“It’s just weird to find out something about yourself you never knew before. I thought I knew myself but I guess I didn’t know everything.”

 

“There’s always new things we can learn about ourselves. I never thought I could accept you being in love with another boy, but it turned out that I could because I love you. I would love you no matter what you do.”

 

“I wish Brett could say the same thing.”

 

“I’m sure he still loves you, Billy. He’s just angry, and rightfully so. You made a mistake. He’s made plenty of them himself. He’ll remember why he loves you, and then he’ll forgive you. And if he doesn’t, then maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

 

“If this had happened a few months ago, you’d have been happy about it.”

 

“I don’t know how I’d have felt. I’m always going to be on your side, Billy. No one knows more than me how difficult you can be to get along with. You found someone you love and you would do anything to keep him, and you thought by lying to him you could save your relationship. In your head it all made sense, but anyone else could see how foolish you were being.”

 

“I just wish I could relate to people like a normal person. I mean, I don’t hate people, I just can’t… I don’t know. I just feel like there’s always been something wrong with me.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” mom said sternly. “Don’t you ever think that. You are exactly who you were meant to be. When you were starting school, your teachers had trouble keeping up with you because you were so smart. You were always book smart or math smart, but you never did have the best people skills. You never got along with the other kids. They tried to tell us there was something wrong with you. In those days doctors were always trying to diagnose kids like you with autism. They tried to tell us you had Asperger’s. But you proved them wrong, Billy. You always speak your mind, and you stand up for what you think is right. You’re going to prove a lot of people wrong. You are my son and I will always be proud of you.”

 

“Wait… Did you just say I have ass burgers?” I asked.

 

“Asperger’s. That was their explanation, not mine. I refuse to slap a label on you to try to explain your behavior,” mom replied. “You are no different than any other person. You see things in a different way. You see things that others don’t see. And yes, sometimes you don’t see things the way others do. Your father and I refused to put a label on you to define you. If we had, you would have spent your whole life being defined by someone like Jennifer Reilly. I don’t need a doctor’s explanation for why you do the things you do. You are exactly who God meant for you to be.”

 

“So it’s not that I’m smart, it’s that there’s something wrong with my brain?”

 

Mom slapped me right in the back of the head.

 

“Ow!”

 

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself again,” mom said angrily. “There’s nothing wrong with your brain and there’s nothing wrong with you. Your father and I never used that label on you, don’t you start now.”

 

“I just don’t understand why you guys never told me.”

 

“Because I know how you are. You would have obsessed about it. You would have let what you think is wrong with you control you at the expense of what is right about you. Ten or fifteen years ago doctors didn’t have the level of knowledge they do now about autism. If I’d have let them label you, you’d have been put in a box. Your school would have treated you like you didn’t belong there. You would have been ‘the Asperger’s kid’ just like Brett is ‘the ADHD kid’ and just like your father was always the ‘bad kid.’ I don’t believe in labels. If I did, I never would have married your father. Labels don’t do anything but bring hurt and baggage. You’re no different than anybody else. You think differently, that’s all. It’s just a doctor’s way of trying to classify what they don’t understand. Trust me, I deal with doctors every day and half of them aren’t worth the cost of the paper to print up their diplomas from their fancy colleges. I’ve read all the books, believe me. In fact, the person who wrote the latest book on Asperger’s is someone you know quite well, Brett’s mom.”

 

“She wrote a book about Asperger’s?”

 

“Well she wrote a book about autism in teenagers, and there was a section on it. She doesn’t think the two are as related as some other doctors.”

 

“Does she mention me?” I asked.

 

“Not by name, though she does mention spending a summer with a young man who punched a mirror when he was overwhelmed.”

 

“Holy shit! I kept her stupid little secret and then she used me to write her stupid book!”

 

“I’m sorry I even brought it up.”

 

“I just… I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You’re probably thinking something nicer than what I already told her. I was actually reading that book the day of Brett’s accident.”

 

“So even if you don’t believe it’s true, there is the possibility that I have this Asperger thing?”

 

“Oh, I have no doubt you would qualify for it. But what difference does it make?”

 

“Yeah… So is that why I’m so obsessed with numbers?”

 

“I suppose. It’s probably why you can find four-leaf clovers so easily and why you know the stats of every player on the baseball team. You see patterns where others see chaos. Like I said, it just means your mind thinks in ways that others can’t. You see things others don’t. It’s simply the way you’ve always been. There’s nothing wrong with you. You can do anything you want in life. We just want you to be happy in whatever you do. Whatever you put your mind to you can do.”

 

“Except relate to people,” I sighed.

 

“No. It’s the same thing. You see things other people don’t. You also see things in people that others don’t see. You reached out to Brett before anyone else did. You accepted him without any questions about his issues. And once you two got to be friends both of your lives became so much better. That’s who you are, not some diagnosis. Use your gifts to serve other people, Billy. Just like you see four-leaf clovers, see the people that no one else sees. You do that, and maybe you’ll find yourself as well.”

 

Mom reached into her purse. “Look, I wasn’t going to tell you this until the time got closer, but now it seems too late. David and I bought you these.” She handed me two tickets to the senior prom. “We had hoped that by doing this for you we would show you that we understood your relationship with Brett. I just wanted to show you that I was sorry for how I treated you when I found out you were with him.”

 

“Well that’s nice, but I guess it was a waste of money. I couldn’t have gone with Brett even if he wanted to because of the school board banning same-sex couples. And now, he wouldn’t want to go with me anyway.”

 

“You could still go,” mom suggested.

 

“And do what? Sit around and watch a bunch of people I don’t like having fun and dancing? That’s not my idea of a good time.”

 

“Well, the tickets are already paid for. David has already arranged for you to borrow a friend’s car. I’ll pay for your tux. All you need is a date. Or if you want, you could go solo. We want you to have fun, Billy. You only get one senior prom.”

 

“I’ll think about it,” I said, thinking that there was no way in hell that I was going to go. No force on Earth could convince me to go to that stupid dance.

Well then...

Next time - Plan B
Copyright © 2017 jkwsquirrel; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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“I’ll think about it,” I said, thinking that there was no way in hell that I was going to go.  No force on Earth could convince me to go to that stupid dance.

Every time Billy thinks something like that, he proves himself wrong! He doesn’t just not understand other people, he doesn’t understand himself! I asked to be tested for Asperger’s/Autism Spectrum last year. I was given a whole series of tests, not just for Autism. When the results were analyzed, they decided that although I met several of the criteria for Autism, I didn’t check off enough boxes. I also was told that I am in the top 5% in intelligence. They allowed that my high IQ might be masking some of the other symptoms of Autism Spectrum. Much like Billy, I may have a high IQ, but social interactions are always difficult for me. I still haven’t found my Brett.  ;-)

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Joey and Dustin impressed me. And I am so happy you didn’t make Brett take Billy back with one short talk. 

Billy’s mom keeps an asperger diagnosis from him? What the hell was she thinking? Even if she did not want to label him, she could at least have explained and coached him. Instead she did nothing... hmm I guess Billy does take after his mother.

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The diagnosis explains a lot of Billy’s history and interactions with others.  Joey and Dustin really are trying to help out.   Billy just ask Brett to the damn prom!!   And dr Reilly using Billy as a case sturdy.  What a bitch.  Billy deserves some royalties from that book I think.  Thanks for the chapter. 

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B)...................Asperger's, it makes perfect sense now (I've should have seen it, like my grandson he's 16 and near genius level. But has trouble relating to others and staying focused.)  It doesn't give him a total pass, but explains his reasoning, how he dealt with Joey, his mother is at fault for not acknowledging his diagnosis to him. Instead of letting him stumble thru his life, likewise Brett's mother used him like a lab rat. If Brett's mom had any decency left in her she would confess a lot to Brett.  

 

However it was good Brett talked to Billy even if to vent more anger, it means there is still hope, Billy better take Brett to the Prom, damn the school board and to hell with the Pastor.  I'd love to see his fellow seniors stand by them.  Great chapter! 

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25 minutes ago, Benji said:

B)...................Asperger's, it makes perfect sense now (I've should have seen it, like my grandson he's 16 and near genius level. But has trouble relating to others and staying focused.)  It doesn't give him a total pass, but explains his reasoning, how he dealt with Joey, his mother is at fault for not acknowledging his diagnosis to him. Instead of letting him stumble thru his life, likewise Brett's mother used him like a lab rat. If Brett's mom had any decency left in her she would confess a lot to Brett.  

 

However it was good Brett talked to Billy even if to vent more anger, it means there is still hope, Billy better take Brett to the Prom, damn the school board and to hell with the Pastor.  I'd love to see his fellow seniors stand by them.  Great chapter! 

 

I doubt they would stand by him.  While there are exceptions, high school students as a whole are pretty sucky human beings.

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'You reached out to Brett before anyone else did.  You accepted him without any questions about his issues.  And once you two got to be friends both of your lives became so much better.'

 

This is what Brett needs to remember.  One can say Billy was selfish, sure...but he hid what he knew to protect Brett - based upon how he thought.  Was he wrong? Sure.  I certainly hope he can forgive.  Thank you!

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1 hour ago, Israfil said:

 

I doubt they would stand by him.  While there are exceptions, high school students as a whole are pretty sucky human beings.

 

B).....................I don't know, I did say I had hoped as I do have a lot more faith in this generation, then I did with mine 50 years ago!

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Well, that explains a lot.  I'm kicking myself for not considering it sooner.  And I guess thinking there's something wrong with you would make you act like you're better than everyone else to hide or compensate for that.  But Paula and George were wrong to hide this from him.

 

He's still not ready to give up on valedictorian, but maybe the prom tickets will help.  Now he has something concrete to keep the option in the back of his mind, and I'm sure it's going to keep nagging at him.

 

So Plan A was basically to apologise to Brett and hope all is forgiven?  That was weak, even for Billy, but Brett also told him he still has a chance, so that's encouraging.

 

I hope his plan B involves doing some research on Asperger's and how to deal with it.  Just like diabetes, this is something Billy's going to have to learn to live with, so he might as well get some help.  Maybe he should also try to get a doctor's opinion about it too.  What he can't do (and I suspect he might) is use that as an excuse and not work on becoming the person Brett still believes he can be.

 

And seriously, Billy, ask Brett to the prom.  Just ask him to go with you, no strings attached.  It's not about the prom, it's about you giving Brett concrete proof that you're willing to sacrifice something important to be with him.

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Brett put it all in black and white. However, he contributed to the mess. They lack true communication.

I think Billy should have a nice long visit with grandma. That’s when things started spiraling. Billy should go to prom... Do something spectacular that puts Brett first.

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1 hour ago, spikey582 said:

There’s a hole here somewhere.  I’m having serious difficulties reconciling a lot of stuff that was said in this chapter.  It’s just, it’s supposed to be Billy’s next challenge  to overcome or something, but I’m taking a ton of this bullshit with a grain of salt.  

 

I don’t agree with Billy’s lies of how he handled that situation.  Yes, he should have told Brett before he did.  That being said, it wasn’t actually Billy’s secret to tell in the first place.  Where is the fallout from this “great scandal”?  Sperm donor Jack, and hideous excuse for a human being Jennifer went to EXTREME lengths to manipulate Billy into keeping quiet.  Yet, once the truth was finally uncovered, the only person negatively affected was Billy? That’s bullshit.  Also, I think their deception goes beyond “being a bitch” and “being a dick”.  Granted, we don’t know what Brett has said to them, but considering that Brett thinks Billy was trying to protect the supposed internship, I think he’s made a lot of stupid suppositions.  

 

That brings me to my next point.  Brett is applying a lot of motivations to Billy that might not actually be true.  He’s assuming Billy’s motivations without actually understanding the circumstances.  We get more of Billy’s internal thoughts, and no where did he assume he’d get away with his deception due to higher intelligence.  Or, at least I don’t recall that.  Also, I never got the impression Billy even wanted the internship to begin with. 

 

Now, Billy isn’t trustworthy.  Brett has lost trust in him.  That breaks their relationship relationship right there.  But I will say, Billy was placed in a precarious situation and again it wasn’t his secret to tell.  It wasn’t his lie in the first place.  He asked the parties involved to come clean and they refused.  Again, the fact that they have no fallout for their actions bothers me greatly.  

 

I can’t take seriously that the fault for everything lies with Billy, and he needs to “find himself” to fix it.  Sorry Brett, playing games and setting Billy up to fail by “tricking” him (Brett’s exact words) is just as scummy, underhanded, immature, dishonest, and manipulative as Billy’s lies.  In fact, that seems very much like a Jennifer move.  I guess Billy’s not the only one taking after a parent.

 

No, Brett’s not the voice of reason here.  Brett has plenty of his own issues to work on.  If he had suspicions he should have confronted Billy and asked directly.  Then talked it out, like a grownup.  Adults communicate. Or at least adults in successful relationships.  Yes, they’re BOTH young and immature.  They BOTH aren’t ready for a long-term, committed relationship.  So, this presentation of Brett being the supposed voice-of-reason, and the “together” one is ringing completely hollow.  

 

Moreover, I KNEW this would happen when Brett found out about the sexual assault.  It didn’t matter that he found out Joey was his “brother” or just his best friend. I knew Brett would brush it under the rug.  Joey made a half-assed apology, and demonstrated how “truly sorry” he was about it by telling Brett...eventually.  How convenient it was after Brett broke up with Billy.  Wow, that goes a long way into showing how sorry he was.  Again, bullshit.  And nice of Brett for victim blaming, oh Billy don’t tell him all about it.  What an asshole Billy.  Holy fuck!   Maybe someone ought to clue Brett in that victims of sexual assault often keep it secret.

 

Also, I don’t have a problem with Billy fighting for the Valedictorian title.  It’s being rigged in favor of someone who hasn’t actually earned it.  That bothers me too.

 

Okay, Billy has Asbergers and needs to learn honesty.  But I think he’d do well to get away from that hypocritical, manipulative family, who has totally fucked him over.  Jennifer using him for a book?  I’m at the point where I don’t see Billy and Brett together as some kind of HEA...

 

B)...............You make a lot of valid points I agree with especially with Jack and Jennifer totally screwing him (Billy) by manipulation.  And Jennifer who knew how to manipulate him by her profession, seems Brett was right all along about his mother.

Edited by Benji
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25 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

There’s a hole here somewhere.  I’m having serious difficulties reconciling a lot of stuff that was said in this chapter.  It’s just, it’s supposed to be Billy’s next challenge  to overcome or something, but I’m taking a ton of this bullshit with a grain of salt.

Wow! You really analyzed this in depth! The rest of us just blindly agreed with what Brett said because we could see that Billy was so wrong to not tell Brett after all the prompts. I cannot disagree with anything you wrote!  ;-)

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13 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

I don’t agree with Billy’s lies of how he handled that situation.  Yes, he should have told Brett before he did.  That being said, it wasn’t actually Billy’s secret to tell in the first place.  Where is the fallout from this “great scandal”?  Sperm donor Jack, and hideous excuse for a human being Jennifer went to EXTREME lengths to manipulate Billy into keeping quiet.  Yet, once the truth was finally uncovered, the only person negatively affected was Billy? That’s bullshit.  Also, I think their deception goes beyond “being a bitch” and “being a dick”.  Granted, we don’t know what Brett has said to them, but considering that Brett thinks Billy was trying to protect the supposed internship, I think he’s made a lot of stupid suppositions.  

Let me ask you this: did Brett actually say anything to them?  We don't really know for sure, and somehow I doubt it.  It wasn't Billy's secret to tell, but he was wrong to help them keep it.

 

16 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

That brings me to my next point.  Brett is applying a lot of motivations to Billy that might not actually be true.  He’s assuming Billy’s motivations without actually understanding the circumstances.  We get more of Billy’s internal thoughts, and no where did he assume he’d get away with his deception due to higher intelligence.  Or, at least I don’t recall that.  Also, I never got the impression Billy even wanted the internship to begin with. 

That's the mistake Brett's making, but I can see why he'd think that.  Billy's always come off as selfish and arrogant, so it's easy to assume his motivations as such.  What Brett perceived as Billy thinking he's stupid was actually Billy's apparent inability to pick up the clues that were given to him.  I'm sure he would've told if he understood that Brett would forgive him if he did.

 

23 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

No, Brett’s not the voice of reason here.  Brett has plenty of his own issues to work on.  If he had suspicions he should have confronted Billy and asked directly.  Then talked it out, like a grownup.  Adults communicate. Or at least adults in successful relationships.  Yes, they’re BOTH young and immature.  They BOTH aren’t ready for a long-term, committed relationship.  So, this presentation of Brett being the supposed voice-of-reason, and the “together” one is ringing completely hollow.  

Brett's mistake is making false assumptions about Billy's motivations for his actions, and reacting accordingly.  I saw the playing games thing as Brett wanting to show Billy that he's not smarter than everyone like he thinks he is.  Which brings me to your next point.

 

25 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

Moreover, I KNEW this would happen when Brett found out about the sexual assault.  It didn’t matter that he found out Joey was his “brother” or just his best friend. I knew Brett would brush it under the rug.  Joey made a half-assed apology, and demonstrated how “truly sorry” he was about it by telling Brett...eventually.  How convenient it was after Brett broke up with Billy.  Wow, that goes a long way into showing how sorry he was.  Again, bullshit.  And nice of Brett for victim blaming, oh Billy don’t tell him all about it.  What an asshole Billy.  Holy fuck!   Maybe someone ought to clue Brett in that victims of sexual assault often keep it secret.

It's awfully convenient, I agree, but I also saw this partly as Joey trying to deflect some of the blame from Billy for this whole mess.  Let's not forget that this is a big part of what led to Billy finding out and being threatened into keeping the secret.  Then Brett had to go and blame Billy by turning it into a trust issue, another mistake on his part.

 

31 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

Also, I don’t have a problem with Billy fighting for the Valedictorian title.  It’s being rigged in favor of someone who hasn’t actually earned it.  That bothers me too.

Again, Brett needs to know that's why Billy isn't willing to give that up.

 

32 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

Okay, Billy has Asbergers and needs to learn honesty.  But I think he’d do well to get away from that hypocritical, manipulative family, who has totally fucked him over.  Jennifer using him for a book?  I’m at the point where I don’t see Billy and Brett together as some kind of HEA...

They're going to have to work really hard to get that HEA.  Both of them are equally to blame here, as well as Billy's parents for not telling him about his Asperger's.  Billy needs to be more honest with Brett, but equally to blame is Brett's misinterpretation of Billy's actions and faulty assumptions about the intent behind them.  My limited knowledge of Asperger's tells me it could easily explain almost everything Brett is basing his assumptions about Billy off of, but neither of them knew about it so I won't take that into account.

 

The main problem is Brett's misunderstanding of Billy's actions, and the only people who could clear up the misunderstanding are the people Brett doesn't trust.

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11 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

Wow! You really analyzed this in depth! The rest of us just blindly agreed with what Brett said because we could see that Billy was so wrong to not tell Brett after all the prompts. I cannot disagree with anything you wrote!  ;-)

If you assume Billy is a selfish asshole who thinks he's smarter and better than everyone around him, then Brett is absolutely right in everything he said.  But by assuming that, Brett just shows that he doesn't know and respect Billy as much as he thinks he does.

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I've privately thought in the past Billy had mild autism or Asperger's but he would then do something to prove me wrong...I agree that doctors were trying to diagnose any kid they could with some form of autism... my mom taught autistic kids for years so I've met some truly autistic children and Billy doesn't fit the "mold" just right... if I were Brett I'm not sure I would ever be able to forgive Billy... not that what he did is unforgivable I just know how to hold a grudge 0:)

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I totally agree with many of the points brought up here. And, right now, I’m most upset with Billy’s Mom by not clueing him into the possibility he’s on the spectrum, and most importantly by not providing him   tools to navigate the world. How many times has she witnessed Billy struggle with interpersonal relationships and then blamed Billy for not handling things better? It doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it would have been helpful for Billy to know that certain things, like understanding people, may be harder for him because of how he is wired. I can maybe understand not wanting him to be diagnosed because of the labels and stigma, but Billy could have learned techniques to manage things better so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes over and over due to how his brain works. This could have happened without an official diagnosis — books, articles, etc. And it should have happened early on when the signs became more clear as Billy aged. 

 

But, imagine the level of communication and understanding that could have been opened up between Billy and Brett based on the shared understanding that they each have unique challenges that make it a bit harder to do things that come easier to others (with Brett it’s learning, Billy it’s people)? Brett probably would have seen the situation in a whole different light and approached the whole thing differently. 

 

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7 hours ago, CscottyCA said:

I totally agree with many of the points brought up here. And, right now, I’m most upset with Billy’s Mom by not clueing him into the possibility he’s on the spectrum, and most importantly by not providing him   tools to navigate the world. How many times has she witnessed Billy struggle with interpersonal relationships and then blamed Billy for not handling things better? It doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it would have been helpful for Billy to know that certain things, like understanding people, may be harder for him because of how he is wired. I can maybe understand not wanting him to be diagnosed because of the labels and stigma, but Billy could have learned techniques to manage things better so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes over and over due to how his brain works. This could have happened without an official diagnosis — books, articles, etc. And it should have happened early on when the signs became more clear as Billy aged. 

 

But, imagine the level of communication and understanding that could have been opened up between Billy and Brett based on the shared understanding that they each have unique challenges that make it a bit harder to do things that come easier to others (with Brett it’s learning, Billy it’s people)? Brett probably would have seen the situation in a whole different light and approached the whole thing differently. 

 

In Paula's defense, maybe she tried showing him some techniques, but Billy isn't always the most receptive to criticism about how he acts, so it's likely he would have ignored her.  I have to wonder, though, if Brett would have been okay with dating one of him mom's "freaks", since he seems to look down on them.  What Billy needed and still needs is someone to ground him and clue him in when he makes mistakes.  I think George did that in his own way, but Paula really dropped the ball on that front, in my opinion, mainly because she's as short-tempered as Billy is.

Edited by Shadow086
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Hey everyone!

 

Thank you so much for the comments and likes.  Interesting discussion as always.  I will just add a few notes of my own!

 

The diagnosis of Billy isn't the latest challenge for him to conquer.  It has been the challenge from chapter one.  Billy has always had trouble relating to people and expressing his emotions appropriately.  That's nothing new, it's been there all along.  This chapter is here to help shed a little light on why that has been the case.  Every once in a while, someone would ask me if there is something wrong with Billy because of the way he was acting.  I always said no, because I, like Paula, don't see it as something wrong with Billy.  it just is.  I think we all have those areas of our lives that we don't quite understand.  I also didn't want this story to be "the one with the boy with Asperger's who falls in love with the ADHD kid."  Hopefully, you just experienced life as this young man has lived, struggling to find his place in the world and just hoping he's one of the normal, ordinary kids, but realizing he's far from ordinary.  Regardless of whatever labels we can come up with to explain our behavior, I think for many of us, all we want is to find love and acceptance.

 

As for Brett, give him a while.  He's been through a lot and it's hard for him to process it all.  When the stress got to be too much for him he reverted into that bratty little asshole we all knew so well earlier in the story.  Give him some time to think about things, and he'll find his way.

 

Thanks everybody!

Edited by jkwsquirrel
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The way I see it, the diagnosis isn't a challenge for Billy to conquer, but, just like his diabetes, learning to accept it and live with it might be.  Billy had a lot of trouble coming to terms with diabetes and how it will affect the rest of his life, I think something similar will happen here.  I think the challenge for Billy will be to convince himself that he's still the same person he's always been, and that there's nothing wrong with him.

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On 3/28/2018 at 3:32 PM, Freerider said:

Joey and Dustin impressed me. And I am so happy you didn’t make Brett take Billy back with one short talk. 

Billy’s mom keeps an asperger diagnosis from him? What the hell was she thinking? Even if she did not want to label him, she could at least have explained and coached him. Instead she did nothing... hmm I guess Billy does take after his mother.

That seriously bothered the hell out of me too. There is no chance that I would have forgiven my mom if she had withheld my diagnosis from me. Good intentions and "I don't believe in labels" does absolute zero to make up for the fact that withholding that kind of information is abuse, no exceptions, no ifs, ands, or buts. 

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Interesting turn of events.

Quote

...I don’t have the answer, Billy. You have to find the answer inside yourself...

Dude! During that speech, I kinda saw Mr. Reilly from String with the way he delivered his words to Billy.

The Asperger's revelation really caught me off guard. I always have thought that Billy's actions were normal and that he's just a typical socially awkward genius. I don't recall him showing any restricted and repetitive patterns of interests and behavior. But It explains his lack of empathy and disregard of other people's feelings (as evident by the previous chapter), which would make him appear to his friends as insensitive - or in their own words, an a**hole. I think he has some symptoms, but I never categorized him to be as such. 

I do not completely agree when people say that Paula did the wrong thing by hiding Billy's diagnosis with Asperger's because, like what she said, it's not always necessary to categorize someone for their personality. Kinda like the idea of gender identity, not everyone has to categorize themselves as gay or bi. You love who you love, no matter their gender. Isn't what the LGBT+ community has been fighting for for a long time? To be regarded by society as an equal.

To amend "Love, Simon" quote, "Why is [Having no Asperger's] the default?"

However, that's just my opinion. I may be wrong. I'm completely open for corrections.

But isn't it interesting that both Billy and Paula hid something from someone because each of them think that it was best for them? In Paula's case, Billy doesn't seem to be bothered as much as Brett is with Billy's case.

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