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    AC Benus
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

The Codeword – Novella Five - 5. Part 6: A Time to Speak & Part 7: Soda Social

Simon says the codeword, and later attends the soda social. There he meets lots of boys he already knows.

Part 6: A Time to Speak

 

'On a road stretching to the horizon,

The grey arrow of our marching is deterred

By muddy feet and hearts without the sun

To troop along behind the line of one life pilfered.

 

His boots placed reversed in the riding mount

Remind us all that we are leaderless,

Tho no tears can come from the dried-up fount

Where once our sorrows flowed pure and boundless.

 

The funeral procession will march on,

But this fuss for one rankles when many others

Received cold obsequies, yet still are gone,

Wept-for or uncried-for by their brothers.

 

Stretch on, line of the increasing homage,

Not one, but many walk behind your coffin,

Tho unsung, their vespers speak of courage,

As we do of their love, well and often.'

 

Bobby jolts me back to the present. He's holding out a hand mirror for me to take. He says, as I take it, "Tell me what you think."

He pivots the chair around, and I hold up the mirror.

"How does the back look?"

The back is straight down, like the fringe on the rear of a footstool. Looking at it, it seems a bit odd, but oh well – the one thing I don't get is where the 'fish' part of this 'mullet' haircut comes in.

"Good," I say, hearing the unease in my own voice.

Bobby Strand takes the mirror, and slowly turns me back around. Somehow, I'm not prepared to see the anxiety writ large across my face. What's that old cliché – the mirror never lies?

But in that self-reflecting glance is also a revelation. The things I thought were holding me back are not true. I realize my hesitation is not about fear of the unknown, or my fake feelings of embarrassment. It's about trust. I must be willing to extend trust, just like I did to Blakie, for Bobby to be able to extend it back, and for my barber to be able to help me. That's all. Trust. But, that's enough to seem like a mountain to climb, and the thought of scaling it, engenders its own brand of fear.

I've played with Bobby, and done another version of the come-out dance Blakie Williams and I did in that kid's room. But with Bobby I've not been able to complete the task. The one word passed from Blakie as a whisper has not ventured onto my tongue, but been shuttered in the back of my brain where it might as well have been secreted in a lightless closet.

Damn. Now Bobby is almost done with my haircut.

The brush meant to sweep away any shards of cut hair, lingers over my upper back and shoulders. It's as if the slow, and needlessly methodical brushing kinetically signals that Bobby too is holding his breath; he is giving me a couple more moments to gather courage.

So, I guess this is what it means to be a 'man.' Not a cartoon laughingstock of a macho charade – like John Wayne's hurtful and shut-down screen persona – but a real man who sucks it up, grows a pair of balls, and does what he needs to to end his own psychological pain.

Flashes of Kennedy's funeral day come to mind, the film we watched at school of the sad procession from one stage of his existence to the next, and of the boots riding backwards in procession to his grave; a burial of innocence for the nation and for his entire family of the United States. No one alive then was ever the same after those events, and in its way, it is just the same of everyone who survived the First World War. Maturity may have been forced on everyone by such circumstances, but once it was accepted, there was no going back.

It seems my whole life is on the balance scales: one side looms misery and unnaturalness, while on the other, lightly rest smiles, backslaps and a precious chance at connection.

It's time to grow up.

"Bobby..?" I barely say out loud.

"Yes." He pauses and holds my gaze in the mirror.

"Cortège." I say.

A cloud passes over his features, then – like parting thunderheads – radiant beams of a smile shine down on me.

He sighs: "I know. I know it's hard." Then his tone brightens as he undoes my light-blue smock.

"Simon, you've done the hard bit, and now you're safe." He puts a reassuring hand on my shoulders, and goes on, "I've been waiting for you to say it. But, let me be the first to reassure you – it's going to be ok. I promise you that, Simon. You are going to be all right. Everything's going to be all right!"

   

Part 7: Soda Social

 

Bobby and Stella's salons are transformed.

They look the same, but as I walk through them on this Friday evening, there are people swarming all over in festive camaraderie.

Music plays, and young men tap feet and bob heads as they stand around chatting in small groups.

In one corner of Bobby's salon – in the curved bay window - Elvid mans a folding table. On it are several three-gallon tubs of ice cream and sherbet. Next to them are open two-liter bottles of soda: cola, lemon-lime, and root beer. Boys line up, and in every hand is a large plastic cup. Elvid smiles at each in turn, and I hear expressions like "Nice to see you again," "Glad you could come," and "How's your mom doing?" In the meantime, the host scoops a generous portion of the boy's choice of frozen treat into his extended cup. Next, the guys move to the side, grab a spoon, and pour on soda to make ice cream floats. It is very festive.

'Later,' I think. 'I better not burden my stomach with anything right now.'

I walk on. I look around, trying not to stand out too much as the newcomer that I am.

I do not see Blakie; no Jamieson either. But, Blakie Williams was right about one thing, for I am surprised to see a lot of older kids I know by sight and name, but none of whom I would have guessed liked guys. The young men who make up the crowd are so comfortable, and fully free to be themselves, it makes me want to sigh. Their little groups are not set, and new guys drift in and out of them with smiles and big shoulder slaps.

At the edge of one of these groups is a boy from the 7th grade at Saint Lazarus. Craig, the guy from Speech, lifts his glasses and offers me a really friendly smile and head nod. I smile back, and he comes straight over.

"Hey, Craig!"

"Simon! I've never seen you here before."

I can feel myself blushing. "Nope, I just – it’s my first time."

"Cool! You will like coming to these. Elvid always gets the best flavors of ice cream. He drives all the way to Sparta to get them."

I snap my fingers in recognition. "I know where! My dad loves it there, at the old-fashioned ice cream parlor where they make all the stuff by hand."

"Oh yeah? I don’t know the place."

"It's right next to Roscoe's, the store that sells everything."

He shrugs, but does so with a tight-lipped grin. I drop the subject. "Yep, it's cool that we have somewhere like this to come to."

"How did you hear about it?" Craig asks.

"From Blakie Williams. And speaking of him, have you seen him here tonight?"

"Nope. Sometimes he and Jamieson come later to pitch in and help Elvid and Bobby clean up."

"Damn, they are such nice guys."

"I know, and they make about the hottest couple I know. You got a boyfriend yet?"

Craig's smile was back to being open. I have to admire that this kid's pretty bold. "No, I don't. Do you?"

"I'm on the market, as they say."

"That's cool." I suddenly feel a bit uncomfortable; I like Craig well enough, and I sort of looked forward to getting to know him better, but I don’t know about being boyfriends with him.

"Hey," he suddenly says. "Who do you think is cute here tonight?"

Damn, this kid IS bold. I just hope I'm not taking on some color again, but then in another moment, I think, 'Why not? He and I are both out, and in a safe place.' I just need to relax.

"I like guys who are bit older than me, and a bit more mature."

"Like Henry Parker?"

Now I feel a severe wave of heat wash over the top of my collar. Craig has just named the star quarterback of Judas Tree High. "He's, here..?"

The 7th grader gestures casually over to a collection of tall boys, and sure enough, Henry is there with a sundae glass in his hand, and a smile and a bit of whipped cream on his lips. He is joking around freely with a bunch of other jock-type guys.

"Well, I'll be. He doesn’t have a girlfriend..?"

"Hell no, why? He's Gay."

I chuckle. "Yeah, ok. Of course he wouldn't have a girlfriend then. That's awesome."

"So, is he your type?"

"Look, Craig, if I'm honest…there's already someone I like."

He looks a bit deflated.

"It's ok," I reassure him. "I love that you are here, and that we can hang out."

"Yeah, it's gonna be cool to have another out buddy in school."

"I agree." I silently marvel that community can build itself so effortlessly once a framework is there for it to support itself on. This safe place that Bobby and Elvid have risked quite a lot to establish is a godsend for each and every one of the boys in this room. I take a moment to count my lucky stars that I got initiated into it via Blakie Williams and the codeword.

Craig lightly raps my arm. "Hey, did you see 'them?'"

"Who?"

Craig slowly raises his hand and gestures towards one end of the room.

I look, and through the crowd, I see Ryan McKay and Jerry sitting apart from the group on the floor. They have their backs resting against the wall. Their knees are drawn up, and they sit so close together their bodies are in full contact from the side of their feet to the top of their shoulders. Ryan's left hand grips Jerry's right one and they rest them together on their conjoined knees. The boys' total focus is on one another, and on the low and slow conversation they are having. They appear to be content and sad at the same time, and take no notice of anything else, including me. Ryan lifts the back of Jerry's hand and kisses it; Jerry raises his arm and drapes it over the top of the other boy's back. As Jerry pulls Ryan into a hug, so that their foreheads come together, I wonder why Gay people ever have to feel isolated when we really are everywhere.

Ryan spots me, and instantly a smile of relief and appreciation spreads across his face.

I see him lean over and whisper something in Jerry's ear. He accompanies that with a little movement of his hand, which Jerry's eyes follow, and then he too smiles at me.

Ryan McKay rises to his feet and immediately strides up to me all good-natured, and with jocular body movements.

"Simon!" He shakes my hand, and then all of a sudden pulls me into a brief hug. Coming out of it again, he nods in a friendly way to Craig. "Nice to see you, Craig."

"You too."

"Um…" Ryan comes in close to Craig and asks really nicely. "Can you give me and Simon a moment..?"

"Sure. See you later, Simon." There's a sweetness to the 7th grader's tone for me.

"Ok, Craig." I try not smile too much with my voice, but I'm sure some of my general happiness spills out into my tone.

After we watch Craig stroll away and meet up with a group of guys our own age, Ryan says, "I just wanted to say, wow, I am SO happy to see you here – it's almost like I'm relieved to see you here. And, more importantly, I need to thank you for staying with me that day of the hayride, you know, sitting with me in the truck. You don’t know how much it meant to me."

I try and laugh off his serious tone. "What did I do? Nothing, really."

Ryan McKay loses his smile completely. His eyes grow round and blink a couple of times. "You don’t know just how low and desperate I was. You're just like an angel, Simon; you showed up when I needed you most."

He hugs me again, this time hard enough to make my back crack in a few feel-good spots.

"But, I still don’t know what I did."

Ryan pulls back and holds my gaze. A tear falls unchecked down the big Irish farm boy's cheek. "You never know what you do Simon, do you?"

Hey. Is that an insult..?

He must be reading my mind, for he immediately chimes in with, "I mean, you change people's lives and you don’t do it looking for any kind of reward, or praise or anything. You are just you, all the time. That's what I mean, ok buddy?"

I nod my head.

"Simon, what you said to me that day, and what you did may not seem like a lot, but it was enough to make all the difference. You gave me hope; you made me realize what's important and worth fighting for. And I won't even think of giving up again." He glances towards Jerry. "That night after the party, I went to my mom and told her I didn't want to go to Catholic high school. She said she'd take it of it with my dad, and now – it's all set. In the fall I'll start Judas Tree High with you – "

I cut him off with my shear laughter: "And with JERRY!"

He starts to cry. "You may not believe me, but it's all because of you, so thank you."

"It's ok, don’t be sad." I tell him, wishing I could let him know I thought he was a good guy too.

"I'm not sad Simon, I am so happy, and I feel so grateful to you."

"Look, man," I say as I pull out some fresh Kleenex from my pocket. "Don’t let your boyfriend see me making you cry. He'll come over here and whip my ass."

Ryan McKay takes my tissues, snorts up some snot, and laughs all at the same time. He dabs at his eyes, and as I watch, I really feel a bit of guilt for taking their together time away from one another. A quick glance at Jerry sitting on the floor alone reconfirms this sentiment.

"I like you, Ryan. I'm just glad you and I and Jerry, and even Craig, can all be buddies – however, if I had to guess, I bet you want to get back to your guy and spend as much time with him as you can. Am I right?"

Ryan colored a bit and nodded bashfully.

"Then go," I tell him boldly. "He wants you back too. I can catch up with you guys later."

"Ok." Ryan McKay turns to go, but grabs my hand for a brief moment. His lips purse too in a quick display of gratefulness, and then he's walking towards the smiling form of Jerry. He nestles back down on the floor, and the boys kiss for a moment with warm-hearted passion. As I watch, I see Ryan pick up and hold his boyfriend's hand. He closes his eyes a moment and draws in Jerry's forehead to plant affection there from his lips; plant a kiss as if it were for the most precious thing that Ryan had. And I guess he's right, what's more valuable than love? Nothing.

Somehow I know Ryan McKay and Jerry will be all right. They'll figure it out, despite Ryan's dad, and make a way for them to be happy, and together.

Moving on, I leave them to their sad bliss,

After I hover on the outside of a few groups of older guys, I think to myself that I better go back and find Craig again. But then I hear a deep voice ringing out an unmistakable laugh. My heart lurches into my throat.

Trying to tap down a needless panic, I peek around and over shoulders, and about twenty feet ahead of me is the back of a guy with shaggy, dishwater blond hair.

I go up to him, and land a gentle punch in the lower back of this guy.

He spins around with a determinedly-set jaw, ready to put up or shut up.

But, that rigid mouth quickly melts into a broad grin of recognition. He does not seem surprised at all to see me.

"Hello Simon," he says, tilting his head a bit.

"Hi, Dustin." I bite my lower lip, so I don’t actually grin like a madman.

My hand slips into his. I start to pull him.

"Where we goin'?"

"Let's find a spot," I tell him. "Where we can talk."

Inspired by Ryan and Jerry's carving out of a private space in a public setting, I find our own suitable stretch of wall. I have Dustin sit first, then slide down nice and cozy, pressing full against his right flank.

Just as I open my mouth to say something, Dustin pivots his head sideways a bit, leans in, and kisses my left cheek. He pulls back with a bewitchingly-wicked smile.

"What was that for?" I ask, knowing some color was now flooding the cheek he had just blessed with his farm-boy lips.

Dustin responds real slow. His deep voice reverberates in my chest, and reminds me to my core how much I missed him. "That's for what I should have done that day of Carnival at school. That's what I wanted to do, when you kissed me – that's what I should have done."

"So, I can consider that a kind of thanks?"

"Yup."

"Cool."

Then I get serious a moment, asking, "But, you acted like you expected to see me here tonight."

"I did."

"But, how?"

"I wasn't planning on coming here tonight, although I have been in the soda social group for about a year, but then I got a phone call. A little birdie told me you were going to be here, and I better get my sorry ass back to Judas Tree to see you."

"A little birdie?" I say not hardly believing it. "You mean Blakie Williams, right?"

Dustin shakes his head real slow, and enjoys pasting on a grin as thick as wallpaper.

"Who then?"

"Your classmate. Jodie."

My mouth falls open. "That fricking sweet girl. Oh man, do I owe her big time."

"Yup. I guess I do too. She said something about boys being dumb, and that she has to take charge, and that I had to be here tonight, because you were coming."

"Damn. I think that girl is amazing. There's nothing dumb about her."

I can feel Dustin's gaze scanning my features up and down. I do the same with his. My Nordic farm boy isn’t looking so boyish anymore. I tell him with sure admiration, "You look different."

"How so?"

I shrug. "Dunno. More grown up."

He laughs. "What about you! I left you a munchkin heading into the 7th grade, and now you're as tall as I am! Also, you are now…now…"

"And, now...?"

His slow and deliberate tempo returns with a deep timbre. "Now, you are a fine young man, Simon. A teenager, and you are so cute, I almost can't believe it."

I blush, but manage to lean over and get it out by saying quietly into his ear, "But you, Dustin – you are beautiful."

"Hey," he says with some suppressed excitement. His tone made me pull back to eye him fully. "Did you hear the news?"

"No. What news?"

"Well, remember when I said Nino wouldn't do good in public school?"

"Yeah."

"Well, now my dad agrees. My brother and I are going to move in with our aunt here in Judas Tree. We’ll do it at the beginning of summer, so that in the fall, Nino will go back to Saint Lazarus, and…"

"And what?"

"And, I will enter Judas Tree High School as a freshman, with you, Simon."

A sound catches in my throat. "Really!"

He nods. "Yes. It's all settled. We can also spend the whole summer together, if you want."

"Yes. I want that."

"Good – me too."

I let out a little sigh of relief, and move my left hand towards his knee. He raises his right arm, and lays his open palm on mine. Without a word, I slip my fingers between the brawny and slightly rough digits of my farm boy's hand.

"Wait, I think I have something to prove how I feel about you."

I extract my wallet, open it and take out a small scrap of paper with jagged edges. I press it into Dustin's hand, and then watch his Nordic-type blue eyes grow a bit misty.

He tells me the obvious;"It's that 'halo' doodle I did of you back in the 6th grade."

"Yep."

"You've kept it all this time?"

"Dustin, I would never lose it, at least not on purpose."

He bites his lip and looks like he wants to use his hand to hold my face or something. He hesitates, so I pick up his strong fingers, open his palm and place it on my cheek.

"I…I, Simon."

"It's all right Dustin, but let me ask you this. Did you really think of me as some sort of angel?"

"Heck yeah. I still do."

"Even after I acted like a little shit towards you?"

"You did the right the thing and told those asswipes to fuck off, so all's well that ends well."

He strokes my cheek, and I reach up to touch the back of his hand while he does it.

"You're about the best person I've ever met in my life, Dustin Day."

His whole face brightens like a ray of sunshine. "Funny," he says. "That's exactly how I feel about you. And now I have something for show-n-tell."

He places my paper back in my hand, and as I am putting it away, I see him lean sideways and pull out his own wallet. He rights himself with a big grin, and draws out a similar scrap of paper. On it is a daisy picture with a little caterpillar climbing on top.

When I look to Dustin's face, it is red with embarrassment.

"You kept it too, huh? All this time?"

He simply nods, and I slip my hand into his.

"I know your secret, Dustin Day."

"Which secret?" His face shifts to be halfway between wanting to blow it off as nothing, and outright curiosity. "I don’t have any secrets."

"Maybe one. The secret of that picture."

All his good humor drops. He swallows, hard. "You think there's a hidden meaning to that drawing?"

I massage his hand with mine. "I know there is."

"Simon, it was hard, to…but the truth is…I…I…love you. You make me so happy, I just…I just love you."

I guide him to put his picture away. It's sort of a wordless reassurance that I am here for him, here and now. We can both set the past aside, as long we have each other.

He looks sad all of a sudden, like he's not sure about the next thing he wanted to say.

"What is it, Dustin?"

"You don’t mind that I've been in love with you these last two years?"

"Nope."

"Even if I never told you?"

"Nope, because I've known it for a long time."

"You have?"

"Yes. I have." I squeeze his fingers more securely so he knows it's true.

"Since when?"

"Since we went swimming in the River Kaskaskia."

"Oh, really..?" His face splits halfway into a sly grin. "And how do you feel about, me..?"

I shrug, trying not to cry. "I guess, the same. Yeah...I've known that since last year."

"Then, will you let me be your boyfriend?"

"Yes. Yes, I will."

He looks sad again, but leans in closer. "Will you let me kiss you then? You know, properly – like a boyfriend should."

I shake my head, trying to suppress my smile. "No."

His fingers suddenly lose their grip. His lower lip quavers slightly. "Why not..?"

"Because," I say, re-squeezing his fingers. "Maybe I want to kiss you first. Ever consider that?"

He grips my hand, hard, then a smile opens his beautiful Nordic features from ear to ear. "No, I never considered that I could get that lucky."

"Well then," I sigh. "I better show my boyfriend that I love him too."

I guess Bobby knows what he is talking about. Here, with my hand holding onto my long-lost farm boy, and with the prospect of our entire summer together transitioning effortlessly into a mutually shared high school career, all things are going to be ok.

I close my eyes and lean over. I use my right hand to just barely touch Dustin's cheek and use it as my guide. Soon, I lay my lips on his, and we begin to kiss.

My tall and strong Nordic farm boy tightens his hold on my hand, and I respond with reciprocal affection. As we begin to explore deeper, his breath caresses my cheek in sharpening passion, and I taste the sunshine on his lips.

Somehow in my head, all the tenderness I have recently been thinking about – all the flyboys and the young men meeting and falling in love through the horrors of war and conflict – finds a comfortable place in me.

Wherever they were, there was 'not a dry eye in the house' as they saw Dustin and I bending our heads together to touch our lips for that magical first kiss of equal love. And now that we are doing it, they cheer like a chorus of tough little Southtown angels, and they are bawling like babies. They have rooted for us the whole time, and now like me, they are overjoyed.

As I feel all of these wonderful things crowd my brain and senses for attention, Bobby's words drift back over my awareness and ring out in some sort of triumphant refrain: ' Simon, you are going to be all right. Everything's going to be all right.'

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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There isn't a dry eye in this house either. I could go on forever with what I am feeling right now. I was sobbing by the end of the first chapter and I hadn't even got to the best parts yet. Three words and a hyphen echo around in my head...the come-out dance..It's a dance we do over and over...not just about our gayness, but about our trust in ourselves and our trust in others. We do it with our family, we do it with our friends and we do it especially with our lovers. Who is going to make the first move? Who is going to say those other three words and bare their hearts first? Who should we tell our secrets to? It is a dance choreographed by our fears and uncertainties and hopes and at times it may be performed with two left feet but if you do the dance there may be rewards at song's end. This chapter is all about those rewards and the guts and support it takes to claim them...and that trust we need to place in each other. No more lightless closets for Simon. He is intent on claiming what is rightfully his. Thank you AC for giving us our rewards too. It was so fulfilling to see Ryan and Jerry and know that once again Simon played a part in something so beautiful and so right. That by itself created magic in my heart. But nothing compares to Simon hearing that unmistakeable laugh and seeing that shaggy blond hair. I have heard it often said that a person's " heart soared". Now I can say that that really is an apt description that occurs when delivered unbelievable happiness. I am sure Simon felt it exactly as I did. To have such a hope filled is a reward that I will cherish until I am senile or worse. Thank you, thank you,thank you for what followed. I am a sobbing mess again but there is no shame here. When Simon takes Dustin's hand and leads him away for them to talk...an already enthralling chapter escalated into perfection. The kiss on the cheek, the keepsake notes, Jodie's support, airing the past, the professions of love, the revelation of an intertwined future, the certainty of each for the other, the fact that they are BOTH ready now, Boyfriends....it all gives me this unassailable visual of the courageous Simon and the luminous Dustin gripping hands tightly, fingers interwoven, right where they are supposed to be... and I know that Bobby is right...Everything will be all right....Kudos AC... every bit of angst and distress that I experienced throughout this amazing work, you made worthwhile. You played all my emotions like a master conductor and I thank you for it....Cheers...Gary

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AC...just...thank God for Gary, he put everything I couldn't put down into the perfect words. Even through most of the first part, you had me wondering if Simon would find the courage to say what he needed to...and to have Dustin back on top of that--I was crying just like Gary.

 

I am also a bit sad and irritated with you: with this ending, and the way it came about, you left us with no need for a sequel--but Oh--how I long for one! Through all Simon's struggles and personal growth we watched him try to bring happiness to others, now I want to see more of it for him!

 

AC Benus, Master of Emotions, Prince of The Pen...Tower of Talent...Yanker of Chains. :) A wonderfully awe-inspiring author I am pleased to claim as a Friend.

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Let the tears flow, I know I am. I absolutely LOVE Dustin. This is so wonderful.

 

Okay, this reminds me of when I was nineteen going to cooking school, I met my first gay friend. I knew other gays and lesbians but I wasn't open or admitted it to them, so we weren't really friends. There was a wall. Anyway, he heard about this dance the Unitarian Church had for gays. It was strictly by word of mouth you found out about the date and time. Going to the first one was petrifying. I couldn't talk to anyone. I felt like I stood at the edge of a fish bowl and couldn't get in.

 

The second dance I went to was better. I met my first boyfriend and it was magical. I will never forget the terror followed by elation from that secret club.

 

You captured the essence of that perfectly. Okay, off the podium now.

 

Thanks!

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I've been biting my tongue not to let on to The Big Secret of Simon meeting Dustin again, but now I can draw a sigh of relief and enjoy the beauty of their connection. Both of them deserve it and we'll leave then together in the firm belief of everlasting love.

I was just as happy to see that Ryan had found the courage to work out a solution and not be separated from Jerry, and I loved the fact that he gave credit to Simon for helping him. I agree totally about Simon being a savior - not intentionally but based on who he is and his courage to say the truth and walk in the light of love. Those who wish to be helped get hope, and those who refuse (like Terry) are lost and ashamed.

I said it in the review, and I'll say it again: Simon shines like a bright light, a beacon of love and devotion, and I’m grateful to have made his acquaintance. :worship:

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First of all, I keep forgetting to mention this in my reviews: I LOVE CONVOY!!!! I have got to remember to put it on my phone. lol

 

And in the chapter of Ryan's party, my heart was in my mouth when Ryan took the keys and disappeared into the garage. When Simon opened that door I was so scared that Ryan had done something stupid. Thank God I was wrong!

 

The codeword was so appropriate - Cortege. Just perfect.

 

This chapter was simply amazing. The social was terrific! Simon saw the jocks, and Ryan and Jerry (and Ryan's speech made me cry), and Craig, but as Gary said, nothing compared to when Simon heard his Nordic farm-boy's laugh for the first time in ages. That was absolutely terrific. They both kept the others' drawings all these years, Dustin confessed his love to Simon and vice-versa. It was such a wonderful ending, AC. Very emotional and strong. They both have Jodie to thank profusely for their meeting again. :) What a fantastic friend she is!

 

This was a wonderful story, AC. I am very sad to see Simon go, but I know he will be ok and he has the love of family and friends, and especially his one true love: Dustin. :)

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On 11/02/2014 11:07 AM, Lisa said:
First of all, I keep forgetting to mention this in my reviews: I LOVE CONVOY!!!! I have got to remember to put it on my phone. lol

 

And in the chapter of Ryan's party, my heart was in my mouth when Ryan took the keys and disappeared into the garage. When Simon opened that door I was so scared that Ryan had done something stupid. Thank God I was wrong!

 

The codeword was so appropriate - Cortege. Just perfect.

 

This chapter was simply amazing. The social was terrific! Simon saw the jocks, and Ryan and Jerry (and Ryan's speech made me cry), and Craig, but as Gary said, nothing compared to when Simon heard his Nordic farm-boy's laugh for the first time in ages. That was absolutely terrific. They both kept the others' drawings all these years, Dustin confessed his love to Simon and vice-versa. It was such a wonderful ending, AC. Very emotional and strong. They both have Jodie to thank profusely for their meeting again. :) What a fantastic friend she is!

 

This was a wonderful story, AC. I am very sad to see Simon go, but I know he will be ok and he has the love of family and friends, and especially his one true love: Dustin. :)

Thanks, Lisa! Now that I think about it, I guess Convoy was one of the first hit rap song! Lol. It's constructed just like a rap song with patter sections and a sung chorus…hmmmm

 

About Ryan McKay, yes he was feeling pretty low… but our miracle kid Simon was there, and even though he doesn't try, he can change people's hearts and minds.

 

I'm glad you liked the Soda Social! I thought all the interaction was great, and particularly how Craig turned out to be like a min-Simon (and annoyed Simon in the process, lol). It's all due to Jodie's good interference, and yes, now Simon and Dustin are reunited with both of their eyes fully open.

 

Thank you deeply for all of your amazing support and efforts at editing this entire series. I own you a lot. Kiss kiss!

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On 11/02/2014 05:20 AM, Timothy M. said:
I've been biting my tongue not to let on to The Big Secret of Simon meeting Dustin again, but now I can draw a sigh of relief and enjoy the beauty of their connection. Both of them deserve it and we'll leave then together in the firm belief of everlasting love.

I was just as happy to see that Ryan had found the courage to work out a solution and not be separated from Jerry, and I loved the fact that he gave credit to Simon for helping him. I agree totally about Simon being a savior - not intentionally but based on who he is and his courage to say the truth and walk in the light of love. Those who wish to be helped get hope, and those who refuse (like Terry) are lost and ashamed.

I said it in the review, and I'll say it again: Simon shines like a bright light, a beacon of love and devotion, and I’m grateful to have made his acquaintance. :worship:

Hi Tim, and thank you so much for loving Simon! Your encouragement help feed my creative urges just when I came to write these last two novellas of the series. Yes, lol, Simon + Dustin, friends forever…awwwww…it makes my heart soar.

 

Ryan got his courage from being with our hero, and like always, Simon worked his magic without thinking he was doing anything special. Terry was effected by it too, but the more he felt it, the more he fought it. That kind of internal schism is what makes men dangerous, and Lucky for us, Jodie saw some of this before it was too late.

 

Thanks for a fantastic review and all your devotion to this project!

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On 11/02/2014 01:26 AM, Cole Matthews said:
Let the tears flow, I know I am. I absolutely LOVE Dustin. This is so wonderful.

 

Okay, this reminds me of when I was nineteen going to cooking school, I met my first gay friend. I knew other gays and lesbians but I wasn't open or admitted it to them, so we weren't really friends. There was a wall. Anyway, he heard about this dance the Unitarian Church had for gays. It was strictly by word of mouth you found out about the date and time. Going to the first one was petrifying. I couldn't talk to anyone. I felt like I stood at the edge of a fish bowl and couldn't get in.

 

The second dance I went to was better. I met my first boyfriend and it was magical. I will never forget the terror followed by elation from that secret club.

 

You captured the essence of that perfectly. Okay, off the podium now.

 

Thanks!

Thank you, Cole. It always means so much more when we review a piece from a personal place of connection, and here your experience with the Unitarian Church dance is just such a wonderful example. What awesome people the organizers must have been too. For I'd have to guesstimate this was some time in the late 80s or early 90s, which would put it just in line with when I was going through the coming out process just after college, and I only wish I had had a place like this to socialize.

 

I also love to hear that the ending of this novella made you cry (happy tears, I'm sure!). Many, many a tear was shed by me creating this series, but it's all good – no, strike that. It's all GREAT to know others connect with Simon and his bravery.

 

Thanks for a wonderful review!

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On 11/01/2014 06:50 PM, ColumbusGuy said:
AC...just...thank God for Gary, he put everything I couldn't put down into the perfect words. Even through most of the first part, you had me wondering if Simon would find the courage to say what he needed to...and to have Dustin back on top of that--I was crying just like Gary.

 

I am also a bit sad and irritated with you: with this ending, and the way it came about, you left us with no need for a sequel--but Oh--how I long for one! Through all Simon's struggles and personal growth we watched him try to bring happiness to others, now I want to see more of it for him!

 

AC Benus, Master of Emotions, Prince of The Pen...Tower of Talent...Yanker of Chains. :) A wonderfully awe-inspiring author I am pleased to claim as a Friend.

Well, I didn't slip the notion of 'bawling like a baby' into the text without reason. ;) Much of that I simply did because I was crying when I wrote it! I was crying though a great deal of this series, to be honest…

 

When I first thought of tackling this novella, I had the concept for Bobby and the codeword, but I was really nervous that I could pull off 'suspense' right till the end. When you validate that I did do that, you make me really happy. A lot of the hard work of figuring out the structure of this piece revolved about Simon's purpose still being unknown until right before he utters his personal 'open sesame.' Glad it paid off.

 

As for all your wonderful compliments, thank you, thank you, thank you, I'll take them!

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On 11/01/2014 01:43 PM, Headstall said:
There isn't a dry eye in this house either. I could go on forever with what I am feeling right now. I was sobbing by the end of the first chapter and I hadn't even got to the best parts yet. Three words and a hyphen echo around in my head...the come-out dance..It's a dance we do over and over...not just about our gayness, but about our trust in ourselves and our trust in others. We do it with our family, we do it with our friends and we do it especially with our lovers. Who is going to make the first move? Who is going to say those other three words and bare their hearts first? Who should we tell our secrets to? It is a dance choreographed by our fears and uncertainties and hopes and at times it may be performed with two left feet but if you do the dance there may be rewards at song's end. This chapter is all about those rewards and the guts and support it takes to claim them...and that trust we need to place in each other. No more lightless closets for Simon. He is intent on claiming what is rightfully his. Thank you AC for giving us our rewards too. It was so fulfilling to see Ryan and Jerry and know that once again Simon played a part in something so beautiful and so right. That by itself created magic in my heart. But nothing compares to Simon hearing that unmistakeable laugh and seeing that shaggy blond hair. I have heard it often said that a person's " heart soared". Now I can say that that really is an apt description that occurs when delivered unbelievable happiness. I am sure Simon felt it exactly as I did. To have such a hope filled is a reward that I will cherish until I am senile or worse. Thank you, thank you,thank you for what followed. I am a sobbing mess again but there is no shame here. When Simon takes Dustin's hand and leads him away for them to talk...an already enthralling chapter escalated into perfection. The kiss on the cheek, the keepsake notes, Jodie's support, airing the past, the professions of love, the revelation of an intertwined future, the certainty of each for the other, the fact that they are BOTH ready now, Boyfriends....it all gives me this unassailable visual of the courageous Simon and the luminous Dustin gripping hands tightly, fingers interwoven, right where they are supposed to be... and I know that Bobby is right...Everything will be all right....Kudos AC... every bit of angst and distress that I experienced throughout this amazing work, you made worthwhile. You played all my emotions like a master conductor and I thank you for it....Cheers...Gary
Thank you, Gary. Oh my God…You'll have me crying with this review, it's so beautiful and heartfelt. Ok, lol, maybe this review will have to vie with the other one for a spot on the back cover of "Judas Tree," or maybe I'll insist the book have TWO back covers just to get all this delightful praise and beauty connected with these novellas forever. Yes, you do more than make me smile with this one, you make me feel proud. Proud of Simon and Dustin; proud of Bobby, Stella and Elvid; proud of Ryan McKay and Jerry; and proud to have you read it.

 

What can I say but the redundant, yet utterly heartfelt: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Damn those tears again!
Everything's going to be alright. What an amazing ending. I am so filled with emotion. Elated that Dustin is back. That he and Simon are boyfriends now. When he kissed Simon on the cheek I lost it, when they exchanged their notes I was done. Im so grateful that these young men had a safe place to be themselves, and know they were not alone. There is so much else I can't put into words. And Simon... For every young person who is struggling and confused out there, and feels alone, I wish them a Simon. Someone brave, hopeful and kind who is helpful and affects others just by being who he is. Then I wish them a best friend like Jodie, who is the best.

 

Your writing never fails to strike deep emotion, or render food for thought. I am always grateful for that. This novella ended but I think it will stay with me a while. Thank you for another masterful piece.

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On 07/15/2015 11:57 AM, Defiance19 said:

Damn those tears again!

Everything's going to be alright. What an amazing ending. I am so filled with emotion. Elated that Dustin is back. That he and Simon are boyfriends now. When he kissed Simon on the cheek I lost it, when they exchanged their notes I was done. Im so grateful that these young men had a safe place to be themselves, and know they were not alone. There is so much else I can't put into words. And Simon... For every young person who is struggling and confused out there, and feels alone, I wish them a Simon. Someone brave, hopeful and kind who is helpful and affects others just by being who he is. Then I wish them a best friend like Jodie, who is the best.

 

Your writing never fails to strike deep emotion, or render food for thought. I am always grateful for that. This novella ended but I think it will stay with me a while. Thank you for another masterful piece.

I admire that you read all five of these novella in such a short span. They are some pretty emotional stuff to take in all at once, but it seems heartwarming to me that perhaps you felt compelled to find out what was going to happen to your young hero, Simon.

 

Simon will be ok. Now, with Dustin – and with community – he will be more than ok, he will thrive.

 

Way back in 5th grade you mentioned some of Jodie's less than appealing characteristics, so now I'm glad you got to see her as the truly maturing young lady she's becoming; she is great.

 

Thank you, Defiance19, for all of your fantastic encouragement and support. It means the world to me.

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Gosh AC -- just perfect!
The first moment of the first novella answered by the last words of the final one.
A journey of discovery and enlightenment ending with fulfillment.
It couldn't be any better.

 

Yoru writing evokes emotion so well. I need to take a month off before I can write a single word again.

 

Thank You for The Judas Tree!

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On 12/17/2015 05:50 AM, skinnydragon said:

Gosh AC -- just perfect!

The first moment of the first novella answered by the last words of the final one.

A journey of discovery and enlightenment ending with fulfillment.

It couldn't be any better.

 

Yoru writing evokes emotion so well. I need to take a month off before I can write a single word again.

 

Thank You for The Judas Tree!

Thanks again, skinnydragon! I hope and trust you are only kidding about taking a month off from writing, as your fans will hunt me down if you do! lol – But, thank you for reading the Simon material. It was a lot of hard work to create, and I hope it stands the test of time.

 

Thank you for all of your support and enthusiasm; it means the world to me.

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Wow!Where to begin Im not sure how many stories Ive read between the various gay fiction sites. This one to me is on its own in many ways. I felt so connected to Simon right from the start.

 

So many decades ago, I knew I was different but really clueless about what liking boys over girls meant. I mean pre puberty what does it all mean. This story is unique as I dont think Ive ever read a story that covered that introspective confusion that Im sure most of us went thru long before we knew what we were trying to understand. Picking up bits and pieces to a puzzle that was US and trying to make sense of it. Even in grade school used to overhear older adults talking about some priest who diddled the boys and 'his trinkets were twisted' along with the phrase 'natures cruel joke'.

 

Also the time it was set in, like a walk down memory lane for me - Im guessing maybe 5 years different than the time this story is set and when I grew up. The music just pulled me into a time and place that seem distant in my mind but suddenly came rushing back like yesterdays as I read this story and listened to the music.

 

Even the geography had me I have memories of swimming in the Kaskaskia and many more of fishing in lake Shelbyville.

 

One of the things I do is talk to younger gay men about how the world was, the gay community has its own culture and I fear it will be lost as we blend into mainstream society . The blending is good but NOT the forgetting our history. You mentioned that in this last story as passed down from older to younger.. Stories like this one are a part of that even if fiction.

 

You took me for a wild ride Mr Toad and left me smiling and happy right back where the ride started knowing it WILL all be ok.

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On 10/07/2016 06:31 AM, Cajbor said:

Wow!Where to begin Im not sure how many stories Ive read between the various gay fiction sites. This one to me is on its own in many ways. I felt so connected to Simon right from the start.

 

So many decades ago, I knew I was different but really clueless about what liking boys over girls meant. I mean pre puberty what does it all mean. This story is unique as I dont think Ive ever read a story that covered that introspective confusion that Im sure most of us went thru long before we knew what we were trying to understand. Picking up bits and pieces to a puzzle that was US and trying to make sense of it. Even in grade school used to overhear older adults talking about some priest who diddled the boys and 'his trinkets were twisted' along with the phrase 'natures cruel joke'.

 

Also the time it was set in, like a walk down memory lane for me - Im guessing maybe 5 years different than the time this story is set and when I grew up. The music just pulled me into a time and place that seem distant in my mind but suddenly came rushing back like yesterdays as I read this story and listened to the music.

 

Even the geography had me I have memories of swimming in the Kaskaskia and many more of fishing in lake Shelbyville.

 

One of the things I do is talk to younger gay men about how the world was, the gay community has its own culture and I fear it will be lost as we blend into mainstream society . The blending is good but NOT the forgetting our history. You mentioned that in this last story as passed down from older to younger.. Stories like this one are a part of that even if fiction.

 

You took me for a wild ride Mr Toad and left me smiling and happy right back where the ride started knowing it WILL all be ok.

Cajbor, thank you for a fantastic review. I like how you speak of the introspected confusion that seems to prelude most Gay guys at puberty. It seems 'knowing' comes to most of us long before we realize we're not going to be attracted to our female counterparts, ever.

 

I didn't intent for Simon to be a part of me. I wrote the first "Judas Tree" novella to talk about the unfairness of being punished for being different. But when I had completed that story, Simon would not let me go. What you see is the result of that. "The Codeword" finishes off a series, and it has to end with hope and connection.

 

Thanks for your support and wonderful reviews. I look forward to seeing what you might read of mine next :)

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5 hours ago, AlexLittel said:

This was an awesome series.  Keep the good stuff coming.  Hugs

Thanks for your incredible support! 

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