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RIP - Comicality
    Aditus
  • Aditus
  • Author
  • 05/09/2015
  • 125 Words
  • 873 Views
  • 6 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Aditus' prompts and circumstances - 18. Poetry Prompt 9 – Sonnet: Never again

The prompt: write one English Sonnet about your first love. Remember, we are looking for the pivot point, so if the love ended sadly, contrast that with a moment of brightness; if it was joyous, contrast it with a moment of doubt that it might not last, etc., etc. You get the idea.

First love. You just had to ask about that.

Those secret glances when they didn’t look.

“I only called because I lost my hat,

last time I was here to borrow that book.”

Those awkward moments when words failed me. Oh!

I stumbled and stuttered, forgot to breathe!

My feet were too big. I stepped on their toe.

Yet it was all wrong, what lay underneath.

Today I’m not who I once was - although

My love still has to have black raven hair.

I trip, I dance, I crash, l fly. Whereto?

As long as it’s you with me I don’t care.

First love – the feel deeply burned in my brain.

Oh my God! Oh no, please! Never again!

:) I had fun, believe it or not.
©Copyright 2013 Aditus; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Cole Matthews

I could feel the unsure discomfort and the awkwardness oozing out. It reminded me of a boy long ago who I thought I loved, but felt like that, jolty. Really well done Addy!

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Aditus
On 05/10/2015 01:02 AM, Cole Matthews said:
I could feel the unsure discomfort and the awkwardness oozing out. It reminded me of a boy long ago who I thought I loved, but felt like that, jolty. Really well done Addy!
Thank you, Cole! I'm just glad that lies behind me. I want never feel like that again. Obviously, lol.
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LitLover

Ahhh the awkwardness of your first love. That brings back memories...and some mortification. lol. Great job Adi :)

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AC Benus

I think that you did well to show a certain sort of jagged stop and start before the pivot point. After that there was smoothness to the poem. That's a smart use of the form I think. It sounds like the person was making excuses to get close to you again, and the reference to stepping on toes is a brilliant metaphor (and literal image!) for awkwardness. Well done.

 

If I can pop my instructor cap on for a moment, I'd encourage you to keep on with sonnets and try to write quatrains that are actual four-lined sentences. That might be a challenge at first, but the more you do, the easier it will become.

 

Thanks again for posting this!

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Aditus
On 05/10/2015 07:43 AM, LitLover said:
Ahhh the awkwardness of your first love. That brings back memories...and some mortification. lol. Great job Adi :)
Thank you, Lit. So thankful that lies behind me. haha
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Aditus
On 05/11/2015 09:25 AM, AC Benus said:
I think that you did well to show a certain sort of jagged stop and start before the pivot point. After that there was smoothness to the poem. That's a smart use of the form I think. It sounds like the person was making excuses to get close to you again, and the reference to stepping on toes is a brilliant metaphor (and literal image!) for awkwardness. Well done.

 

If I can pop my instructor cap on for a moment, I'd encourage you to keep on with sonnets and try to write quatrains that are actual four-lined sentences. That might be a challenge at first, but the more you do, the easier it will become.

 

Thanks again for posting this!

Thank you, AC. I love sonnets and I will definitely write more - with four-lined quatrains. :) It somehow didn't fit here. The sentences felt to be short. So, I hope you don't mind if I stay away from first love for my next sonnets or I might be short again... :D
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