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A Case Of Jitters -Part 3
By D.K. Daniels
The unadulterated gossip remained within the safe bounds of curiosity. Andrew, as well as I, were both to cowardice to ask any other questions outside the common norm. I couldn't believe he said yes to me, so I didn't want to destroy the remainder of the evening. As I walk with his jacket, securely draped around me I can't help but appreciate his thoughtfulness. Andrew has been this way for as long as I can remember. He is a cute guy with a soft heart, and that is something worth getting caught for. Not that he would let anybody walk all over him. Recalling Thomas from history, and how he tried to gave Andrew a hard time for his bad haircut last year, makes it empowering to know a person like Andrew. Instead of losing his cool with the asshole which is what I would have done, Andrew remained calm and rode the storm out.
Alternatively, someone made a stink-bomb, and during gym, it miraculously found its way into Thomas backpack. The locker room has never been the same since then. I don't care how many times they have bleached the stink away; I can still smell it. Besides I am not insinuating Andrew did it, except there is a little part of me that suspects that he had a hand in making it happen. The notion of mischief brooding deep in Andrew is intoxicating. Imagine that… me dating an adorable, but a totally cute badass boy.
As the houses bleed back into the equation, we passed the threshold of the suburbs from the small commercial district side of the city and ambled by house after house. The two of us had taken up a spot of dancing. Andrew popped out his phone and stuck on a bit of music, and since the awkwardness was semi-gone. Andrew and I, grooved down the street for about three or four songs. At first, I challenged him. Then I discovered that he is a pretty good dancer. After a while, the fun died down. We had reverted to our quiet selves.
We knew the little adventure the both of us took off on was about to come to a close and I didn't know what to say about it all. It felt really good on some emotional level to have some understanding of another boy. I don't know how to explain it but, I just feel sad at having to let it go. I mean, all I want to do is be myself, although I know it is an awkward time for me to do it.
Everything in my life is going swell and if I were to come out things could change for me. Whether that is for good or bad, I have no realization as to how big my news may be on specific people, namely my family. I suppose when I look at it now, how could it possibly hurt to hide a little longer. I don't want people treating me all weird when I try out for the football because I am determined to make it, perhaps lacrosse too.
Playing with other boys on a team, including them knowing that your gay may prove to be a stressful experience when it comes to the locker room or the added humiliation of operating on the field when you have a shot, and they won't pass the ball because they enjoy the ridicule they are producing. No… I'll stay in the closet until things are better before coming out. I felt so good tonight being able to relax and breath for a change, though when I turn the corner at the end of this street, I have to go back into hibernation.
Shuffling along Andrew asked, “is everything going to go back to the way it was in school before tonight?”
Reflecting deeply, a sensation of remorse swished in my stomach like a stormy sea for concluding such a silly scheme in my head. How could I simply turn off what I experienced tonight? I want to be me. Only the road ahead is going to be long, and not the most desirable path to take. Perhaps I can try and keep in contact with Andrew, plus we can meet on the weekends, away from the school where nobody knows him or me. That way I can be gay, still secretly and get to spent time with the cutest boy in the entire school. Is it wrong if I did that?
Reverting my attention to Andrew, I sulked at the ground. A way’s off I could sense tears coming. Nevertheless, I am trying hard to hold them in.
Speaking glumly, “I… I don’t if that’s a good idea.”
Andrew sighed in discontent. A sickly feeling whooshed the pits of my stomach, and a single tear let loose from my right eyes and dribbled down my cheek. Stopping, I turn and latch onto Andrews' arm.
"Please, Andrew don’t be mad at me. I really like you… but I’m not ready to come out. I want us to keep talking but… not like the way we were in the restaurant or anything to gay. If I come out, it'll destroy everything I have built and worked so hard to get to in the last two or three years.”
Bowing my shameful head to the earth, I sniffle.
“We… We can still talk in school if you want to,” Andrew urged.
Glancing up at him, I tried to appreciate his discern, though all my brain could come to contemplate was that I would be letting him down or holding him back from a much stronger and stable person. The worrisome thing is that anybody could pluck Andrew up because he is that special, and I know that if don't make my moves then I'll never get a chance to be with him. That is if he even wants to be with me, I have no idea why I have rushed to the conclusion that he will be my boyfriend after one date.
“Yeah… I’d like that. Maybe we can try to meet sometimes and go out.
Andrew sighed… "Jacob you are a lovely person, but I don't think you are quite ready to handle rejection, and I do like you. So why don't we just be friends… what do you say."
Currently, I am not sure if should cry or if I should celebrate. Not in a weird psychotic way. I mean I want to date Andrew, I really do, plus being able to be around him means that I can still get a piece of his beautiful personality. Even if it determines I am not officially his, or he, mine. It still means that I can have time with him as a friend and that has got to be something itself… right.I reckon it is better than watching him over the classroom for the next year. I would be kicking myself in the teeth and beating myself up over this if I said no, I don't accept your friendship, although it's not every day Andrew offer's someone his friendship. This boy is more soulful than one can imagine and it's his consideration for those who matter that makes him stand out to me. I can live with that. Hopefully, I don't think I will be able to live after getting this far and letting it all go down the shitter for nothing.
“I understand…” I softly mumbled back in despair.
I began to stumble forward the last couple of yards to the street corner before we stopped again. Andrew placed his hand on my shoulder. Slowly he applied pressure, and I swiveled to him. Glancing across at him; his eyes disparagingly flicker about my petite frame. At least that's what it looks like. Perhaps he is feeling sorry for me.
Andrew raised his other arm and draped it over my other shoulder. Like that the most beautiful boy in the entire school leaned into me under the streetlight at the corner of Pluckett Grove and pressed his lips to mine. I stood frozen, unable to move and in total awe at how soft his lips are on mine. I can't believe it… I am kissing Andrew Collins, what the fuck is going on.
Before I even had a chance to kiss back, Andrew broke the kiss and smiled meekly. He stepped back made a smirk and wiped his lips with the back of his hand before brushing the rear of his hand on the back of his pants. I smiled at him in shock; then a bemused expression took hold. Hotness started to protrude in my cheeks, and I began to giggle and get a massive swish of the butterflies. The surge is so sensitive that I feel like I am going to puke a rainbow. And… well, I have boner restricted inside my pants that is hurting, that's nothing new.
“Thanks for the night out…,” Andrew said softly.
I nodded lightly, not wanting to but I did.
Andrew stood a moment awkwardly before saying, “well, I guess I am going to need to take my jacket back." His eyes shied left and right, before locking back on me. I began to fumble out of his jacket and held it out.
“Can I get your phone number or Snapchat or anything," I nervously murmured.
Andrew smirked, he reached into his pocket, after having put on his jacket and swiped at the ghostly screen on his phone for a second and then glanced up at me.
Holding his phone out, I took it from him. On the screen, Andrew had created a new contact in his iPhone. The entry field for my name has two little emojis. A green and yellow heart, separated by ‘Jacob’ in the middle, then following on with another two hearts of the same color. It made my heart flutter, like something crazy and bashfully, I typed on the entry field to input the phone number. The silence as I put the digits in is immense. I can feel my heart melting away and how adorable it is.
Finishing up, I gave the phone back, and Andrew gazed down at the device in his hand before smirking. “Is it okay, if I call you sometimes?"
"Sure…" I grinned.
“It’s been fun.” He said confidently.
Nodding in agreement, Andrew spoke up, “Anyway I'm heading this way. See you in school on Monday," he suggested
Like that, I agreed, and the two of us began to part ways, and as I stumbled forward toward the school, I contemplated how fantastic tonight was. Only as I reached the plaque for building, I recalled that I didn't get Andrew's phone number. Deciding if it is worth running after him even though I have no idea where he is gone, I opted against it. Glumly I began to head for the door. I can try and salvage the last half-hour of my reputation by dancing with Sophia before my dad picks me up.
Yanking the door open; my phone buzzed in my pocket. In a heartbeat, I picked it out and pressed at the home screen button. An unknown number displayed its numerals, and below a message read, “goodnight cutie xoxo.”
I beamed at the phone as I pressed on forward to the music emanating from the main hall. At long last, I have his phone number. And my secret doesn't seem so much like a secret anymore.
The End of Part 3
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