This story takes place in Ireland, my homeland. Some words and uses of words may be unfamiliar. I’ll list them below and explain them as best as I can.
As They Say
Entry Five: Friendships Blossom & Castles Crumble
10th May 1991: Part 1
Sorry I didn’t check in with you yesterday. ‘Yep its official, I’m apologizing to a diary. My life is getting sad.’ Yesterday was so so cool.
When Ross came over on Wednesday like we planned I showed him my train-set and model collection. All day yesterday he kept saying how awesome the things were that I started to feel a little self-aware about it.
I know he was being nice, but I don’t want to be known as the kid who has a cool train-set.
I wish I was super cool, you know. The phrase which is given to the people who are the popular people. The kid's everyone wanted to hang out with. Though I have heard those people are a little shallow, they care more about self-imagine than talents or personality.
I want a good friendship but being cool too sounds awesome.
I’d say I’d be able to manage both, being cool and being a good friend.
Well, I hope I can, if not then I'll be one of those shitty people who do nothing with their lives after school. I’ll just sit here and rot from boredom with my journal.
No offense you are the best thing that has happened to me since I don't know when’
since I have no-one else to talk to about my feelings, my life or boys even.
It just… it gets so frustrating- you know. ‘Jeez, I'm doing it again.
I’m talking to a journal like it were a person. If anything, it makes it easier for me to say what’s on my mind, rather than thinking about the appropriate words to put here instead, if I were talking to a real person, in real life I can only assume the conversation would be very awkward.’
I didn’t get to see Ross today. My mam brought me into town to help with the shopping and that’s not something I have done in a while. When I was younger I used to like going around and picking up all the items that she’d ask of me to get. I think she was happier that the process of doing it was tiring me out in the long run. Though I don't think I saw the result of this until I was like ten, so I was slow to see through mam’s villainous plans.
Aww… no, she’s not a villain, I’m just joking. Besides that, I haven’t done a lot today.
Maybe I’ll catch up with Ross tomorrow. I want to see him again, actually scratch that I have to see him.
Anyway, good night…, maybe I should think about giving you a name.
It would be so cool to give a name to my diary then it would be like talking to a real person,
but there goes my willpower and brain power. They both’ don’t sugar-coat the idea either, I can imagine them laughing and rejecting the proposal. They’ll say “what a dumb idea Adam, just stick to what you know. It's a diary and a diary it is.”
Anyway. Night I guess. - Adam.
11th May 1991 - Part 1
Right so… I just came home from Ross’s granny’s and some cool stuff transpired. I have been waiting all morning for him to wake up. Well, I wasn't sure if he was awake or not but I didn’t want to seem- persistent and I decided to wait around to lunch time to knock so that I would not look desperate. When I knocked for Ross, he came out without any hesitation.
We hung around for a bit and then decided to go back to his house.
When we arrived back at his house his nanny told us that she would be going next door to help my mam with sewing and other woman crap that I’m uninterested in but the main thing is- she let us have the run of the house for the afternoon.
While I was in ross’s the two of us went up to his room and played cards for a while.
I have to admit he is good at playing cards. I never really had a thing or strategy for playing cards. I always lost at any of the games’ other than snap.
I think that is the only card game I have ever won without a problem but nonetheless, I decided to take Ross on in a game of cards. Of course, it was useless, and my defeat was inevitable but the cool thing was that he didn’t act all high and mighty, he actually said if I’d like to learn how to play, he’d teach me. And in doing so I decided what’s the worst that could happen. He shuffled through the deck of playing cards and then assorted them out between the both of us. After he finished I plucked mine up and he asked me "Do you know what each card's value is worth," to which I had no clue as how it worked all I know is that each card has a certain value- and if the other card is better than the lower number than that person somehow wins. Ah… apparently, my conclusion was somehow correct but I still felt a little foggy about the entire thing. Normally Carl would pull fast and he’d say that a particular card was worth more- than it was actually worth. I have to admire Ross's patience, he didn't cheat me out, he was actually teaching me.
So here’s the good part, he asked to see my hand of cards; for training purposes and as he asked he reached out and touched the back of my hand. I mean he actually felt my hand, his soft touch was enough to make me tingle inside and OMG (Oh My God) it was enough to make me start drooling. I could not seem to focus on the task at hand for a couple of minutes after him touching me. I didn’t really have any interest in the game after he did that to me, he did it unintentionally and he- was so interested and in-depth with what I was doing that he was trying to help me understand or learn the rules of the game.
If I ever have a boyfriend, I want one like Ross… Someone who will show me things that I don’t know. Hell, if I could have Ross then that would be a whole other issue. But I don’t think he would even consider swinging my way. If he did that would be great, send him my way.
But anyway, he thought me how to play the game somewhat and I won a game from what he told me. After all the learning, which took time might I add. We grew tired of the card game and went onto something a little more fun. We played 21’s for a bit. Which is where each player has to get a number as close as possible to the number twenty-one.
Ross gave me two cards, and he asked if I wanted to fold or hit him. Fold being, not taking another card, or hit which gave you another card. And sometimes this option would put you over the edge and immediately you went over twenty-one… I won a couple of times, and for the most part, it was cool, it easy to follow and I could focus on looking at Ross.
I’m just home, so I’m going to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I made arrangements for me and Ross to meet up tomorrow. I’m going to try and introduce him to some of the boys tomorrow I think he’ll like that. I wonder if they will take to him just like how I took to him so well.
Right well, night diary - A grateful Adam.
12th May 1991 - Part 1
Alright, so today went surprisingly well actually. I didn’t expect the gang to be so… soo… I don’t know, cool with having an outsider in the gang. They didn’t act like all macho or ignorant. They did their best to accommodate Ross, and that made me somewhat proud to know all of them. Even if some of them are assholes, but hey that topic is open to discussion and- if I were to broach that subject live, I don’t think it would sit as well with some people.
If anything, I think some people in the group would be highly offended I even think that.
They all think that there is nothing wrong with their scandalous behavior.
Carl was the one who went above and beyond to make the lad feel more welcomed than he actually- was and it made his interactions at times feel cheap or fake in some way.
Even though he probably meant well, I still could not help but feel that he was just doing it to please me which is comforting to know.
But the truth remains vague to the group and that is, is everyone just being totally extra-
for themselves because there is a new kid around, or maybe is it just for my benefit.
Maybe it wasn’t for all the attention antics that the group usually prefer, but it would be nice to have an explanation if anything to see if they were truly genuine. Oh, how that would be so cool to look into the minds of people, to see if they are actually for real or are they just being that way because they have vile plans- lined up for a poor affectionate soul who knows no better. And if I had that superpower I could tell what Ross is thinking, about me and everything else.
Anyway, like most mornings I knocked into Ross, as opposed to him knocking for me. I didn’t really wait for him to wake up. I decided that if we were to meet the entire gang then we would have to all assemble pretty early in the day to make the day worthwhile.
I feel partly guilt and regret for even attempting to disturb prince charming before 11 am but I thought it was in everyone’s best interests. I knocked for him and get this he didn't have any problem with me knocking. When I knocked for him, I expected to be cursed at, yelled at or right off told: “get the fuck out and go home.”
Well, that's what Carl told me one time, he said “do you ever sleep, fucking go back to bed,”
he mouthed that one time from his head under a pillow after I had knocked a little too early for him. The imagery is fascinating and still remains funny to me to this day.
I don’t think Carl has ever been a morning person, he is just dreadful in the mornings.
If you call him at say 7 am for school he crawls out of bed at 8:15 and somehow rushes to dress and get ready. I don't know how he manages to get organized but I think organized chaos is his thing because he always seems to manage the flustering about easier than giving him plenty of time. He tends to forget things really easily if you give him plenty of time ahead of his allocated- time slot to be ready.
Anyway, I rang the doorbell and his granddad opened the door for a change compared to his grandmother. He told me to wait in the kitchen while he fetched his grandson.
There I was sitting in the kitchen for the first time listening to the dreaded clock- above the draining board of the sink-plucking away. Tick-tock it went for three and half minutes until- I heard this thunder descending down the stairs.
Ross came into sight at the end of the stairs and he approached me with the goofiest- smile I have ever seen on anyone. He was dressed in this really cute combination outfit with beige cargo shorts and an olive t-shirt. God, it did make him look really cute. His hair fell delicately above his ears and his eyebrows. The fresh smell of strawberries was present in the room.
The smell smelt different compared to what usually emanated from him. It was like he used woman’s body wash. I can’t complain it smelt really nice, not that he never smelt nice, but this really suited his look. Ross, I’d figure it would be a small petite guy. If you had any sense you’d figure you could pick him up and just walk away with him. The womanly aroma scent in the air complimented his small stature, I could only assume he used what was on offer in the shower stall and that must have been his nanny’s.
Ross flew into the kitchen with this totally cool vibe and I stood and gave him a smile.
I was so happy to see him, though something special was in the room today.
I don’t know how to explain it but something seemed different. Before I could think Ross had his arms wrapped around me in a hug and shit it felt like- I was practically melting with his touch. His hug felt great, even if it was just a ‘hey how is things’ sort of hug.
Though in Ireland we only give people hugs to people if we haven't seen them in at least a month. The only other people I give a hug on a consistent basis is my parents or my nanny.
I have to give her hugs, she gives me money.
But still his hug was really unexpected and it felt awesome. I don’t know what it was but I sure as hell liked it. After a second or two the special moment on offer was subtracted and he rebooted- in another mode and put his hand out for some shake I never knew before today. Well, I don't think I know any better know, I’m still a little vague as to how to do it.
He put his hand out and he walked me through how to do the handshake, it felt like it was our secret handshake. Not even me and Carl have a handshake. He’s my best friend, what’s up with that. Something is wrong there. Are best friend supposed to have secret handshakes? If so then, me and Carl are lacking in such things.
I patiently observed the hand gestures he pulled and his ever-changing smile.
The way it would go from a grin to a full blossom of a smile as he’d reach out and-
told me I was doing it wrong. He would grip my hand lightly and put it in the right place before proceeding with his part of the handshake. In the end, I think my legs felt like they were about to give out before I even went anywhere.
After that little interaction, we left the house and made our way to the town where we met the lads and just walked around for the most part. We didn't really have a place in mind to hang out so we went from one place to another. We decided about halfway through the evening that we would buy sweets and head up to the- castle on the hill that looks over the lake from the east side from where we swim on the warm days. The castle its self is just a rune, it is not a tourist spot or anything. Sure, the locals know about it but it's not overall a huge attraction. I’d say it was a guard post or something but who knows I never even tried to- dig up some history of the place. The location is nice and secluded away from prying eyes, just like the waterhole where we swim at but the castle is much nicer. The only thing is you are really exposed from the shoreline and during the summer months people do be out in rowboats fishing and so on.
Ross really liked the location and he could not get enough of the castle behind- us as we sat looking off into the lake. The boys all sat around us and we had a bit of general chit-chat. The usual talk between all of us. Girls, money, movies, football, who we hate at the current moment or just lightly teasing each other about who had botched haircuts, but other than that it was a chilled evening.
Eli decided to climb the rune before we left and I would be lying if I didn’t say my heart was in my throat watching him. The castle has mesh wire around the outer perimeter to stop trespassing and here was Eli defying all the rules climbing up to the second floor of the rune that has more cracks in the exterior walls than Elis’ sister’s applied makeup.
After he came down I felt myself being able to relax and the walk home was a gradual slow one. Everyone was getting to know Ross. The normal questions were asked I guess; the ones you'd ask someone you are trying to get to know came to surface. Like where are you from? How old are you? Which followed with what football team do you follow. Because football is a large thing here in Ireland. If you put Man City Fans and Liverpool fans in the same pub, it's only a matter of time before stools start hurling. I can only imagine the same rules would apply in England if I lived there.
Anyway, I think that’s all I wanted to write for tonight. I have a couple of things to do before I go to bed and I want to get them done, so I don’t have to do them tomorrow. That way I can hang out with Ross if he wants to.
Night - A really tired Adam
The End Of Entry 5, please stick around for the remaining of the story. There is more to come