The Cockney Canuck - 87. Chapter 87 D-Day

As much as I tried, I could not get Nathan to divulge any details of Alex’s alleged bullying. He obstinately refused to discuss the matter with me, so I talked to the guy who knew him better than anyone else, bar me, of course.

“First I’ve heard,” said Daniel. “He’s never mentioned anything about it to me.”

“Are you sure, it’s not like I’m going to cause any trouble or anything? I just wanna know.”

“It was a little rough for Nathan when he first came out, but that was at our old school, and Alex Baker wasn’t there, he’s a year older than us, so he would have been at Stephenson already. When we started high school, everyone knew Nathan was gay, and it didn’t seem to matter as much. He tells me everything, so I think I would have known.”

I was pretty sure that Nathan didn’t tell him everything, but I got his point and Daniel never lied to anyone. I was starting to doubt Nathan’s allegations. I knew that he could embellish stories at times and in the absence of any specific details, evidence, or witnesses, it seemed likely that his claim was a little exaggerated.

‘Maybe he walked into him by accident in the corridor or something’.

However, I wasn’t about to dismiss it completely. ‘Where there’s smoke, there’s fire’, as my mom always used to say, and Nathan had no reason to accuse Alex and nothing to gain from it either.

With this in mind; I tried to come up with a way of asking Alex, without it sounding too obvious. I just needed to be tactful.

“Did you bully Nathan?” It was the best that I could do at such short notice, and I plonked myself down on one of the garden chairs, safe in the knowledge that there were at least three kilometres and a big wooden door between us. Alex, however, was in a very laid-back mood.

“What do you mean bully?” he said and laughed. It wasn’t the reaction that I was expecting.

“Did you ever hit him, beat him up?”

“Probably dude, I hit everyone at some point, even my old man.”

“Well, what exactly did you do to him then?”

“I punched him in the mouth, but only after he hit me with a fucking snow shovel. He ended up kicking my ass though. He was drunk so he didn’t really know what he was doing.” I was fairly certain that we weren’t talking about my boyfriend anymore.

“What about Nathan?”

“Nathan?”

“You know, the guy who you saw me with yesterday…at the park…you remember?”

“Oh yeah, I remember,” he giggled down the phone.

“Well?”

“Well, what dude?”

“Alex, have you been smoking the wacky backy again?”

“Why, do you want some?”

“No Alex, and I don’t think that you should be smoking it either.”

“What are you, my fucking mother all of a sudden? It’s Friday night, I’m stuck at home. I just put Luke to bed, I’m fucking bored shitless and my old man’s back on the booze, and now you're telling me how to live my life. If you were here I’d kick you in the fucking nuts you little shit!” This was more like the loveable Alex that I had become accustomed to dealing with, but he hung up before I could apologise.

‘Well done Robbie, that went down well’.

I felt sorry for Alex and was pissed off with his dad for going back on his word, so I waited an hour before calling him again, to make peace.

“I’m sorry for hanging up on you dude,” he said sounding a little less stoned than before.

“It’s okay, I prefer that to a kick in the nuts.”

“He laughed. “I wouldn’t really kick you in the nuts,” he said, “they’re useful. Kick you in the head maybe, but your balls are safe.”

I didn’t believe him. Lately, Alex seemed to be making a play for them, and rarely missed an opportunity to show how eager he was to continue where we had left off. It was flattering to have a guy like him chasing me, but there was always an element of danger about him that made me nervous whenever he started coming on strong. I knew what he was capable of and how quickly his mood could change.

“If you're not doing anything tonight, then why don’t you come over here and keep me company. I’ve borrowed a couple of beers from my old man and got some videos and shit. We can have some fun.”

‘Been there; done that’!

“I don’t think so Alex,” I said, but to him, anything other than a firm no was as good as a yes.

“Your parents won't mind. Come on, we can party!”

“They’re not my parents, and they will mind! And there’s usually more than two people at a party.”

“You can bring whatshisname then; you know, your friend?”

“Nathan?” I laughed.

‘That’ll go down well’.

“Yeah, Nathan. He’s your boyfriend right. I don’t mind,” said Alex. “You guys can even stay over if you want? Makes no difference to me. I don’t care what you homos get up to.”

“Really?”

“Of course not, dude; as long as you don’t mind sharing that is?”

Until he said the last bit, I was actually considering his offer and trying to think of a way that I could persuade Nathan, to go with me to his ex-tormentor’s house. I might have had a better chance of stepping in rocking horse shit, but I should have known that Alex’s offer would come with terms and conditions.

“You know that’s not gonna happen, Alex.”

“You can’t blame me for trying, but you can still come over on your own, I won't say anything.”

“NO!”

“Come on dude, you’ll have fun, I promise to tie you up.” I looked up as Sue walked past me to water her flowers. She smiled and I nodded nervously at her.

“Alex, I don’t believe you sometimes, I’ve never known anyone like you.” Sue looked as if she was trying to listen in to my conversation, so I switched ears and whispered. “You need to take a cold shower mate.”

“Only if you join me, then after, I’ll give you a massage. I’m pretty good. I used to give Jenny one all the time.”

“Yeah, I heard you.”

“I’m talking massage dude, but she would get so worked up that she’d be begging me to screw her afterwards. You wouldn’t have to do that though.” I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“That’s a relief.”

“Exactly dude, my massage comes with a happy ending, but only for you.”

I felt honoured and had no doubts at all about how effective Alex’s strong hands and long fingers could be under the right circumstances. If it hadn’t been for Nathan, I would have already been knocking on his door.

“I’ll call you tomorrow when your feeling less…energetic.”

“If you change your mind dude, then I’m gonna be up for a long time.”

‘I’m sure you will. Geez, he’s either trying to hit me or shag me. Either way, it hurts! Why can’t we just be friends’?

Alex could be very persuasive and he hadn’t had too much trouble convincing my dick, but it’s easy to lead a penis astray. My heart, however, wouldn’t be budged, and if he had understood my feelings for Nathan, then I think that even Alex would have given me up as a lost cause.

‘What would I do if I didn’t have Nathan to keep me on the straight and narrow’?

“Was that Alex, honey?” asked Sue.

“Uh huh.”

“How is he? I like Alex, he’s a nice boy.”

‘Yes, he’s very nice. He was just inviting me over to his house. He’s got beer and drugs and he wants to tie me up and have sex. Oh, and he wants Nathan to join in too’!

“Yeah, he’s fine.”

* * * * *

Saturday was D-Day, as in dinner day and as far as I was concerned, it was going to be the clash of the Titans. Nathan’s liberal-minded parents, in a head, to head with my hard-line, bigoted guardians and there was no doubt as to whose side I was on. It was a simple matter of right against wrong, and the good guys always win. Right?

I knew that was how it worked in Hollywood, but maybe not in Cobourg and probably not in the Taylor household. Don, on home turf, was likely to prove a formidable opponent and I knew that he would be well prepared. I was convinced that he had something up his sleeve that he was going to surprise us with. A secret weapon that we hadn’t bargained for. Like previously unearthed evidence, that would somehow prove that he was right to make a stand against homosexuality and make us all look like fools for buying into the dream of gender equality. Maybe not quite that extreme, but I knew that he wouldn’t have invited them over if he thought for a minute that he stood any chance at all of being outsmarted.

Don always played to win, and although I admired Nathan’s parents for even accepting the invitation, the chances of them persuading Don to re-examine his fundamental beliefs—no matter how twisted they were—were remote at best. I could always dream.

Nathan had come over in the afternoon. It was an opportunity for him to spend some time with his best friend and I tried my best to keep out of their way. It wasn’t easy. Having my boyfriend so close, without being able to touch him, was like inviting a priest to a children’s party and expecting him to sit with the adults. It was fraught with danger, but somehow we made it through to dinner without a serious incident.

Daniel played a big part in this and proved to be an excellent if annoying chaperone for his best friend. Whenever Nathan and I were in the same room, he seemed to position himself strategically between us, like a human shield.

The closest we came to any outright naughtiness was in the early evening when I came downstairs in just a bathrobe. Nathan and Daniel were playing a video game, which was paused the moment I walked past.

“Where have you been?” asked Nathan. It must have been obvious but I knew why he asked.

“Having a bath.”

He dropped his controller and stood up. “Really?”

“Uh huh, I feel much better now,” I grinned.

“I bet.”

“Yeah, I really needed that.”

“You should’ve said. I would’ve scrubbed your back for you.”

“No!” said Daniel. “You guys keep outta the bathroom.”

“Spoilsport.”

“It’s okay, maybe another time, I managed okay on my own.”

“I’m sure you did. You look kinda…?”

“Clean?”

“Yeah, clean and…you smell like…?”

“Shampoo?”

Daniel had been watching our conversation like a spectator at a tennis match, but he had seen enough.

“You guys are gonna make me throw up in a minute.”

“Do you need a hand getting dressed, sexy?”

“Yes please.”

“No! he’s fine on his own,” said Daniel.

“I was only offering to give him a hand.”

“It sounds as if he’s already done that himself,” said Daniel and he laughed as Nathan pulled a face at me.

‘We’ve been rumbled’.

It was hardly the enigma code, but Daniel had pretty much figured us out and seemed to gain as much satisfaction from finding out, as I did from my bath.

* * * * *

“Morgan and Elizabeth, come in,” said Don, after I had opened the door to our guests. My uncle had a beaming smile and outstretched hand to greet Nathan’s parents, but it looked very stage-managed to me.

After exchanging pleasantries, Morgan turned and patted me on the arm.

“Hey Robbie, you look very smart tonight.”

“He’s just had a bath,” said Daniel with a smirk. I gave him a hard stare.

“That’s nice to know,” said Morgan before putting his arm around Daniel. “We haven’t seen you in a while kid, hope it’s nothing to do with Liz’s cooking.”

Daniel laughed. “No, I’ve been kinda busy.”

“Oh, yeah, I know what it’s like, summer breaks can be exhausting.”

Don was laughing as he ushered them into the living room. “I keep trying to find him a job for the summer,” he said. “But he won't have it.”

It was an auspicious start and Morgan had arrived with a gift that I knew would go down well with Don. A bottle of twelve-year-old scotch whiskey—My uncle’s favourite tipple.

“That’s very kind of you, how did you know I liked this?”

Morgan tapped the side of his nose. “I have a little spy who, it seems, has infiltrated your family.” He pointed to Nathan who walked over to give his dad a hug before joining me on the sofa.

“He’s done a good job of it too,” said Don. “Nathan’s been here longer than some of my real family, he’s almost like the fifth kid.” He was right, Nathan had been Daniel’s friend long before I arrived and before Amy was born.

“So you're really a spy huh?” I whispered to Nathan.

“Yep, and I’ve come to penetrate you.”

“Oh, I quite like that.”

“I know…I could tell.”

In true dinner party fashion, Liz had joined Sue in the kitchen while Don and Morgan exchanged small talk in the living room. They reminded me of two heavyweight boxers testing each other out. A few little jabs here and there, but neither willing to commit themselves so early in the fight. I had a feeling this one was going to go the distance.

When we sat down to dinner, Sue, cleverly placed Daniel between Nathan and me, to prevent any under the table boyfriend shenanigans or sly foot play. I was getting fed up with their blocking tactics, but Daniel found it quite amusing.

‘Just you wait. I’ll get my own back. One day you’ll get a girlfriend’.

It was about midway through dinner, when things began to get a little interesting.

“It’s good that Robbie’s been able to make a full recovery,” said Morgan. “It must have been a difficult time for the family.”

“It was,” said Don.

“We nearly lost him,” said Sue.

“I know,” said Morgan. “It was very upsetting for us too, and particularly Nathan.”

“He was distraught when he first heard, and it didn’t look that good,” said Liz. “Did they find out who did it?”

‘I can’t believe that they’re discussing this over the dinner table’.

“No,” said Don, “the police have interviewed a few people, but nothing so far.”

“Do you think it was a homophobic attack,” asked Morgan and my head sprang sideways to look at Don.

“I don’t think so; Robbie’s issues weren’t common knowledge at the time.”

“I think it was an anti-gay thing,” I said, feeling the need to have at least some input into a discussion about me.

“I’m afraid there’s still a lot of discrimination out there; particularly in these small communities,” said Morgan. “It’s very worrying for parents of gay kids. Straight kids have it a lot easier.”

“I can definitely agree with you on that,” said Don. “I’ve been trying to explain that to Robbie.”

“We think a lot of your nephew,” said Liz. “Nathan couldn’t have found a better guy.”

The only person at that table with a face redder than mine was Don, but I was pretty sure that he wasn’t blushing. The first round definitely belonged to the Elliots.

“They’re only fifteen,” said Don. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to be pairing them off so soon, and I’ll be honest with you, I think that Robbie is still undecided about his future and what path he wants to take.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I got the impression that Robbie was pretty certain of his feelings,” said Morgan.

“I am.”

“Is it possible for any boy his age to be certain of his feelings?” said Don.

“Our son is fairly certain,” said Liz.

“Of course,” said Don, “Nathan is gay and that’s fine. He’s probably always known that. You said yourself how difficult it is for gay kids and I totally agree. I’m not homophobic, but I want him to be sure that he knows exactly what he’s getting into, and I don’t think that Robbie, at the moment, considering the difficult childhood that he’s had, is mature enough to make that decision.”

“I am and I have,” I said.

“I believe you have too, Robbie,” said Morgan. “But I can also understand your uncle’s concerns.”

“You're embarrassing him, dear,” said Liz.

“This isn’t the best time to be discussing this,” said Don. “I’m just pleased that we’ve been able to get together after all this time.”

“Does anyone want some more wine?” said Sue. I put my hand up. “Not you.”

“It always amazes me,” said Don. “Robbie still has three years to go before he’ll be legally old enough to drink alcohol, but we’re expecting him to be mature enough, to make decisions that will affect him for the rest of his life.”

“Honey, we should talk about this after dinner,” said Sue.

It was fairly obvious that I wasn’t going to be invited to participate in any discussion about my own sexuality. It was almost funny, except I wasn’t in the mood for laughing.

‘I should have realised that Don wasn’t going to let me have a say’.

Afterwards, we were pressganged into helping Nicola clear up, while the so-called adults retreated to the living room with a bottle of wine.

“Why don’t you boys go downstairs and watch television?” said Sue. “Is there no baseball tonight Daniel?”

“Probably, but I doubt if Nathan wants to watch it.”

He was right because his friend had another plan that he was hatching.

“Why don’t we go out to the beach?” he said. “Have you ever been there at night?”

“Yes,” I said smiling at him. “Remember?”

“Oh, yeah, well it’s better in the summer, it’ll still be busy.”

“It’s a little late, isn’t it,” said Sue.

“We’ll be back before eleven,” said Nathan. “It’ll be fun; you need to get out of the house more.” I wasn’t that keen at first but his enthusiasm was rubbing off on me and he was difficult to ignore when he had the bit between his teeth.

“You can go if you take a taxi,” said Sue. “But don’t go in the water and be back here for eleven thirty.” She was being remarkably amicable considering how late it was, but I knew that we were playing right into their hands. They would be free to discuss our relationship without us overhearing, and I was sure that this was the real purpose of their visit.

Nathan didn’t seem all that worried and wasted no time in ordering a cab.

“I’ve gotta get changed,” I said.

“You're fine, we’re going to the beach, not the opera house. What about you Daniel?”

“Nah,” he said. “I’m good. I don’t fancy the beach.” I had a feeling that he didn’t want to witness us holding hands or anything romantic. He must have known that we weren’t going to be able to resist it, and Nathan didn’t ask again.

“Come on, you’ll have fun,” said Nathan as he pushed me into the back of the cab. “Better than staying indoors and listening to them discussing your sex-life.”

“They don’t know anything about my sex-life.”

“Obviously, otherwise they wouldn’t have allowed us out on our own.”

I had no idea what he meant by that, and I wasn’t listening when he gave his instructions to the driver, but it was a warm night and the idea of a romantic stroll on the beach was growing on me.

I thought that I was being bold when I grabbed his hand in the back of the cab, and I was surprised when he let go and began rubbing the inside of my thigh. I had to push him away, scared by the thought of having to get out at the beach with a hard-on. I should have had more faith in Nathan’s cunning though, and in his willingness to throw caution to the wind in order to squeeze in some fun.

When the taxi pulled up outside Nathan’s house, I stayed put, expecting him to run in for a quick change of clothes. That would have been typical of him, but when he paid the driver and told him to come back at eleven, the penny finally dropped.

“You're kidding me, right?” I said as I followed him up the stairs to his porch.

“Does it look like a joke to you?”

“But what about your sister?”

“Out with her boyfriend.” He shut and locked the door behind us, then switched on the hallway lights. The house was clearly empty.

“But…?”

He put his finger to my lips smiled. “Do you want to have fun with me or not?”

I didn’t need to answer him; my dick was already doing it for me. “The bath earlier didn’t help at all, did it?” he said.

“I couldn’t do anything. Nicola was in her room singing, and it kinda put me off.”

He thought it was funny but totally understandable. “I’m sure that I’ll have more success, but we haven’t got that long, so we gotta be quick.”

“You wanna do it here then.”

“No, stupid, I want you upstairs, in my bed, naked in five minutes.” I did it in four, he was with me in six, and within twelve, he was running for the bathroom.

“Sorry,” I said.

“Geez Robbie, I know I said we gotta be quick, but not that quick. That was only supposed to be the foreplay.”

I looked at him quizzically. “Foreplay…what does that mean?”

He hit me with his pillow and then jumped on top of me. “I can see that we’re gonna have to work a bit harder on your endurance.”

“What now, you mean?”

“No, but I’m happy to give you a demonstration,” he said climbing on top of me.

“It’s your fault anyway, I’ve never had this problem with anyone else. You're just so gorgeous and sexy that I find it difficult to control myself around you. And when you do something like what you just did. WOW! You have no idea what that does to me. It’s like trying to stop a fucking express train!”

He giggled. “You say the sweetest things sometimes.”

“You're not mad at me?”

“Of course I’m not mad at you, how could I be mad at you, after that compliment. It just means that you're gonna have to do again, that’s all.” He kissed the tip of my nose before slowly shuffling up to kneel across the top of my chest.

‘No mistaking what he wants, is there’?

I guess there wasn’t time for subtle hints, and our relationship was now devoid of any embarrassment, which I proved by playfully nibbling on his balls.

“Ouch, don’t do that.”

“Well, it’s a silly place to leave hanging around, don’t you think?”

They were resting against my chin with his penis pointing proudly towards the ceiling. It was a magnificent sight and I had the best view in the house. It was like looking up at the CN Tower; I almost got vertigo.

Nathan was able to give a pretty good account of himself and despite a significant amount thrashing around and louder than necessary backing vocals, he demonstrated an impressive amount of self-control.

‘What you lose on the swings; you gain on the roundabouts’ was something that my mom always used to say, and I was able to redeem myself somewhat at the end. Nathan may have lasted three or four times as long, but I didn’t have to run to the bathroom afterwards.

* * * * *

“You missed desert Robbie,” said Nicola when we walked back in the house.

“No, I didn’t,” I replied and laughed.

“How was the beach, boys?” asked Sue.

“Busy,” I said.

“Quiet,” said Nathan at the same time. Our embarrassment was saved though by Morgan, who looked as if he had had more than a few glasses of wine.

“They were very popular in the sixties and seventies,” he said. “I used to like them.”

“Who?” asked Sue.

“The Beach Boys,” he replied.

“Don’t sing dad,” pleaded Nathan. “Please, I beg you.” It was too late though as Morgan proved beyond doubt that he could never be embarrassed. His vocal cords did little justice to a song, which I had heard plenty of times before coming from Don’s study.

“I thought that was the Beatles,” I said as Nathan bundled me downstairs and out of the firing line.

Daniel was lying on the sofa watching a movie. “How was the beach?”

“It was okay,” said Nathan.

“Did you actually go to the beach?”

“Of course,” said Nathan. “Why?”

“Because I just talked to Doug and he said that it’s been closed all day because of an accident or something.”

“Actually, we didn’t get as far as the beach,” I said.

“No, we saw it was closed,” said Nathan. “So we turned around.”

Daniel sat up and started laughing. “You guys are so dumb. I just made that up.” I looked at Nathan and sighed, Daniel was seriously on to us. It was almost too easy for him. “Where did you really go?” he said.

He jumped up from the sofa at the same time as Nathan and I lunged for him, but he managed to open the screen door and get out before we caught up. It wasn’t long before we had him cornered though, at the side of the shed.

“Nobody likes a smartass, Daniel,” I said.

“Where did you go, boys? You gotta do better than that if you're gonna fool mom and dad.”

He had us pretty much bang to rights, but I wanted some kind of revenge for making us look stupid and Nathan had the hose.

“Don’t do it, Nathan,” said Daniel.

“Do it, Nathan.”

“No, don’t please, I’ll do anything.”

“Get on your knees then.”

“I’m not doing that though,” said Daniel and I laughed.

“I meant get on your knees and beg, Daniel. Geez, what are you like?” Nathan rolled his eyes and feigned shock, but when he turned his head towards me, Daniel took advantage and made a dash for freedom. It was a foolish attempt and my boyfriend was able to soak him before he could reach the house.

Three boys in the garden, on a warm summer night with a hose, is a certain recipe for disaster and now that he was wet, Daniel was determined not to be the only one. It could only end one way, but it was getting late and at midnight, Don came out onto the balcony and ordered us inside.

“It’s a bit late to be having a water fight,” said Sue.

“They ganged up on me for no reason and attacked me.” Daniel was laughing though as he peeled off his wet t-shirt and threw it at his friend.

‘And I thought that he never lied’.

“We were happy to accept Daniel’s edited version though, although I suspected that we hadn’t heard the last of it.

Nathan was totally drenched and dripping water onto the hardwood floor. “You can borrow some of my clothes to go home in,” I said.

“That won't be necessary dear,” said Sue. “Morgan and Elizabeth are staying over tonight, so Nathan is too.”

I was surprised, Don and Sue rarely had people stay over and it seemed odd that they would allow Nathan and I to sleep in the same vicinity.

“How come?” asked Daniel, popping his head around the door.

“Morgan drank a fair amount of wine, this evening,” she said with a silly grin.

‘He’s obviously not the only one’.

“And your mother started to get a headache. She’s lying down upstairs in our room.”

“She gets really bad headaches sometimes,” said Nathan.

“Well, she’s okay. She’s not running a temperature or anything. I’ve given her some Tylenol and told her to lie down. It’s best that she doesn’t drive though.”

Daniel came out of the bedroom and rolled his eyes. Sue loved to play the nurse. It was a standing joke between Nicola, Daniel, and me.

‘I can’t believe she sent Nathan’s mom up to bed and took her temperature’.

“Is that my dad singing upstairs?” said Nathan and Daniel and I started laughing.

“Yes, dear, It’s not his fault though. Don’s been encouraging him, I’m afraid.”

‘Bloody hell, don’t tell me they’re gonna be best fucking buddies now’.

Nathan looked ridiculous in a pair of my pyjamas. They were big on me, but they made him look tiny and hung over his feet and hands. Even Sue thought it was funny when he came out of the bedroom holding the waistband up.

“They keep falling down,” he said.

“That’s never bothered you before,” laughed Daniel.

“Okay boys, serious now,” said Sue and she pointed to the sofa bed. “Nathan, this is where you sleep.” Then she turned to me.

“I get it; you don’t need to explain.”

She looked a little drunk as she smiled at me. “Okay, we trust you…you're good kids, I’m off to bed.”

‘She’s a fool’.

“She’s wasted,” said Daniel.

I was the last one to get changed opting for the full pyjamas like Nathan, before joining the boys upstairs. They were in the kitchen with Nicola, while Morgan and Don sat outside on the balcony, laughing and talking way too loudly.

“What are they laughing about?”

“Dad’s been acting weird all evening,” said Nicola. “He’s been really nice to everyone.”

“He has? Is he sick?"

‘Maybe he’s the one who should be lying down’.

Seeing him happy seemed almost out of character now, but I remembered him being that way a few times when I first arrived.

Once again, I was unprepared for such an unlikely turn of events and who could blame me. They were complete opposites in every way; they had no right to like each other. It defied all logic. I wondered if they had reached an agreement of some kind over how to deal with us, or if we were really that important to them anyway. I was becoming paranoid, worried in case people were talking about me, and angry when I found out they weren’t.

“I see Nathan finally managed to get into your pyjamas,” said Nicola.

“There’s probably enough room for both of us in here.”

“Don’t even think about it,” said Daniel. “I don’t wanna listen to you guys all night.”

“Oh, there’s been a change of plan with the sleeping arrangements,” said Nicola. “Daniel, you’re gonna have to share with Nathan.”

“How come?”

“Yes,” said Nathan, “at last.”

“Shut up, jerk,” said Daniel.

“Sorry,” said Nicola. “But Liz is in mom and dad’s bed, and mom is sleeping in mine, so I’m gonna need yours.”

“You guys have so much fun,” said Nathan, “I gotta stay over here more often.”

“Yeah, good luck with that one,” I said.

“Why can’t you sleep upstairs on the sofa?” said Daniel.

“Because Morgan’s gonna be sleeping there and you don’t expect me to sleep with Nathan do you?”

“Where’s dad sleeping?”

“Who cares?”

I thought that was funny but there was an obvious solution to the problem, which was being overlooked.

“I don’t mind sharing with Nathan, you can have my bed, Nicola.” All three stared at me as if was mad.

“As long as they don’t get up to anything and keep me awake,” said Daniel.

“Of course they will stupid, they’re boys, they think with their dicks.” Daniel looked confused, he scratched his head and then pulled out the waistband of his shorts an inch or so, to peek down the front. It was a moment of pure comedy which had Nathan an I bent double with laughter. “You're different, shit for brains,” said Nicola. “You're not gay.”

“Not yet,” said Nathan.

“I’ll sleep with Daniel then,” I said. “And Nathan can have my bed.”

“Wait a minute, I’m first,” said Nathan. “You can have him after me.”

“No one’s having me.”

“Daniel, you got two hot guys here who wanna sleep with you, and you turn them down,” said Nicola. “No wonder you're still a virgin.”

“Yuck,” he said. “That’s disgusting.”

“Okay, Nicola, why don’t you and Daniel share the sofa bed and Nathan can sleep in Daniels’ bed.” It seemed like a reasonable solution that nobody should object to.

“Okay, I don’t mind,” said Nicola and she grabbed Daniel’s cheek. “I used to sleep with my baby brother when we were little.”

“He’s not little anymore,” I said and she slapped me.

“Look at it this way,” said Nathan. “You can either sleep with your best friend, your brother or your sister, it’s your call?”

“Whatever, I’m easy either way,” teased Daniel.

“I’ve kinda suspected that for a while,” said Nathan, but the job went to Nicola. Sleeping alongside his former crush may have been a little torturous for Nathan, and Don would probably have had a heart-attack if he had come downstairs and found me in bed with Daniel.

Nicola, aware that her parents would hold her responsible, insisted that we left the bedroom door open and warned us against any sleepwalking.

“I wouldn’t worry,” said Daniel. “They had their fun earlier at the beach.”