Those words were playing through my head in a continuous loop.
When Tyler had uttered those words, it had felt as though my heart was going to break into a million pieces. It was the exact fear that had been running through my mind at the bar last night—the fear that Tyler had moved on and found someone else. Now I knew that the fear had been justified.
God, how could I be such an idiot?
Even though I had tried not to, I had let myself hope that Tyler and I could actually have something lasting between us. I had let my hopes build, only to have them come crashing down.
After leaving Tyler’s house, I had aimlessly driven around the city. I had no clue of how long I had been driving until I found myself parked in front of the same bar we had visited last night. The same bar where I had realized how deep my feelings for Tyler ran. The same bar where the fear of him loving someone else had manifested.
“There’s someone else.”
I really hadn’t known why I had ended up at this bar because the jovial atmosphere from last night was the last thing I wanted. But regardless I had entered and was pleased to find the bar much more subdued and the dance floor empty. There were only a few patrons sitting around drinking and the atmosphere far more desolate.
It suited my mood just fine.
As I sat at the bar, chugging one drink after another, I couldn’t help myself from going over and over my last conversation with Tyler.
“There’s someone else,” Tyler said.
“Are you guys together?” I asked, trying not to show how much Tyler’s words had hurt.
Tyler let out a self-deprecating laugh at my question. “No, we’re not together. The most I know is that it’s only one sided on my part. Hell, I don’t even know if he already has someone else inhislife.”
“Because when I’m with him, I can barely restrain myself from doing something stupid like gathering him in my arms. I can’t help myself from noticing all of the little things he does, like the way he says my name or tends to get all flustered when I’m around him. When he’s near me, I can barely concentrate on other things and have to try my damned hardest to pretend like he doesn’t have such an effect on me.”
Tyler paused, his gaze focused inwards; the look on his face as he thought of the nameless man was so tender that it made my chest constrict. All I had wanted was for someone to gaze at me like that. All I had wanted was for it to be Tyler.
“The more I spend time with him,” Tyler continued, “the more I can’t help myself from developing feelings for him. I haven’t known him long but from what I’ve seen is more than enough. He can be so charming when he wants to be. He’s also one of the most considerate guys I’ve seen, always trying to help out others. When people try to put him down, he bats it away like he doesn’t care. No matter how much I want to stand up for him, he never needs me to because he always manages to face them down himself.”
As Tyler spoke about his man, I realized how I would never be able to compete with him. How could I? When the one he loved was so perfect?
“There are times I can tell when he thinks he’s way in over his head, but he always manages to pull himself through. I don’t know if there will ever be anything between us, but what I do know is that I have to at least give it a try. I can’t let it go without him giving me a chance.”
Tyler focused his attention on me again. “But I really do hope that we can still be friends, Dave. From what I’ve gotten to know about you today, you are one hell of a guy too. I’m sure a day will come when you’ll also find the one for yourself.”
Tyler held out his hand.
Looking into Tyler’s eyes and hearing his words, it was more than apparent that Tyler had deep feelings for the man he was talking about. It was also crystal clear that I had no chance to win against the perfect man Tyler had described. All I could do was accept my defeat.
Even though I wanted to cry, I managed to muster up a smile.
“Yeah Tyler, friends, we are that,” I said, shaking Tyler’s hand.
“Why da fuck do things like thish always happen ta me?” I slurred at the bartender.
“I don’t know buddy, but you better slow down with the drinks or I’m going to have to cut you off,” the bartender replied as he wiped the counter.
I probably should have taken his advice, but I was already too far-gone to make any rational choices. I had no clue how much I’d had to drink, but things were starting to get hazy and my heart didn’t hurt as much when I could barely concentrate.
I felt a movement at my side, before a man sat on the stool next to me. I was too busy being bent over my drink to pay him any attention. The man placed his order for his drink and the bartender left for the other side of the bar after handing it to him.
I twirled the contents in my glass. Watching the dim light shimmer over the amber liquid.
“Life sucks,” I muttered to my glass. “Doesn’t it?” I asked the man next to me.
The man didn’t say anything, just continued to sip his drink.
Probably thinks I’m nothing but a drunken idiot, I thought. But since I had now already opened my mouth, I couldn’t help but let the words pour out. I wanted to—no needed to share my frustrations with the world. Needed to tell someone how much it hurt to be rejected before I could even be accepted.
“Why does no one ever want ta have a relationship wid me?” I managed to slur somewhat comprehensively. “Why do they always want to fuck and then leave? What’s wrong wid me?” I asked the man as though he knew all of the answers.
“Yuh know, I thought I finally had found the one. The one guy who would be da Rick to my Amy, but no! He doesn’t even want me.” I gulped down the rest of my drink.
“Instead he has thish other guy who he talks like is da most perfect guy in da world. Yuh know what I wanna do to his guy? I wanna punch him in da face! That’s what I wanna do!”
The man continued to ignore me.
“Oy bartender! Gib me another one!” I waved my empty glass in the air.
“Sorry Sir, but I think you’ve had more than enough,” replied the bartender from the far end of the bar before going back to serving drinks to others.
“Thinks I’ve had enough. He doesn’t know that!” I slammed my glass on the counter, hearing the man next to me snort.
“What you laughing at?” I challenged the man. I glared at him even though I couldn’t make out his face due to my blurry vision and the dim lighting of the bar. “You think thish is funny? You think it’s fun having yer heart stomped on like dat!”
“Bugger off,” the man sneered.
“Maybe I don’t want too. What you gonna do ‘bout it? All guys are da same, always wanting to fuck, but when I finally find da one who wants more, he says he already has someone else. Why?” I shook the man’s arm. “Why’s it always like dat?”
The man took a hold of my hand and yanked it off his arm. “Bloody git,” he growled.
That ticked me off. Even though I knew I was piss drunk and was probably at fault, I was just itching for a confrontation—anything that would help me to take my mind off of my troubles.
“So how ‘bout it, dude? Do you wanna fuck me too? That’s all I’m really ever good for. Must be since no one ever seems to want more. Or do you want me ta kiss you. I’m good at that—kissing”
“You’re fucking drunk,” the man tried to shrug me off.
“I’ll show you I’m not drunk!” I exclaimed at him.
I tried to get up from my stool but all of a sudden everything whirled around me. My head spun and I could no longer keep my balance. Suddenly I felt my body being enclosed in a strong pair of arms. The last thing that I saw was the dark silhouette of the man looking down at me before I passed out.
“Hey Dave! I’ve been wondering where you had gotten to,” Tyler greeted me as I walked into his house.
“Tyler…hi,” I breathed out, a smile spreading over my face. I picked up my pace to get closer to Tyler, desperately wanting to put my arms around him and bring his face down for a kiss.
A shadow moved out of the hallway and into the room just as I got halfway to where Tyler was standing.
Tyler turned to face the man who entered, his eyes lighting up as though his greatest wish had been fulfilled. He reached over to pull the man into his arms, placing a loving kiss on the man’s lips.
I stood rooted to my spot, uncomfortably watching the scene unfold. Tyler and the man were carrying out the very actions that I had set my mind to. When they broke apart from their kiss, Tyler turned around to face me. He put an arm around the man’s waist, tucking him into his side.
“Hey, Dave. I want you to meet the love of my life.” He looked at the man again, his face filled with so much tenderness and affection that my heart hurt to watch. “This is the man that I love, Dave.”
My head started pounding, my heart constricted. I felt as though I was wobbling on the brink of breaking.
Tyler’s stormy gray eyes met mine. “I love him, Dave. Not you. I can never love you, because unlike him, you will never be perfect.”
With those words I shattered and everything went black.
Oh god! I suddenly woke up, only to realize it had been a dream. My head was pounding and it felt like someone was poking needles into my eyes when I tried opening them. I quickly shut them again when the bright light only made my headache more severe.
What the fuck is going on?
I had no clue what time it was but judging by the light that was piercing my eyes even though they were closed, I had to guess that it was sometime in the late morning. The sound of pouring water reached my ears, and I assumed it was raining.
So much for the good weather we were having, the random thought filtered through my brain.
I tried to remember what had happened last night, but all that came into mind was leaving Tyler’s house and then ending up at the bar. After that, everything was blank. I felt my heart twinge at remembering Tyler’s refusal.
Oh yeah, that’s why I wanted to get drunk—so I could forget. But getting drunk had sounded a lot better before I had to deal with this hangover.
I tried sitting up and opening my eyes again, but the bright light sent another shot of pain through my head. So I lay back down and tried to make sense of my surroundings.
Even with my vision impaired, I was still able to come to a few realizations. First of all, this was definitely not my bed. I could tell because of the sheets that felt way nicer than anything I ever owned or could possibly even afford. Second, I was buck-naked.
It was that second thought combined with the first that had me shooting out of the bed regardless of the pain it cost me.
What the fuck? What the fuck? I couldn’t stop panicking as I stood by the bed and looked around the room.
Where am I? How did I get here and why the fuck am I naked?
I stared in awe around the room. It was huge; as was the large bed I had been lying on. The sheets and most of the furniture were black in color, and every single item in this room looked to have cost more than I could ever make in a lifetime.
My eyes landed on the glass of water and bottle of aspirin sitting on the nightstand. I quickly swallowed a tablet and gulped down the water in an attempt to relieve my awful headache.
I continued my inspection of my surroundings and noticed that one of the walls was nothing but a huge floor-to-ceiling window. I walked towards it to get a better understanding of where I was. Though it hurt to look outside with the bright sun shining directly into my eyes, I was able to make out that I was a long way up from the ground. I looked in wonder at the city view down below and the high-rise buildings across the street.
I finally noticed that the sound of pouring water had stopped, understanding dawning that it had never been raining to begin with. The sound of pouring water had been from someone taking a shower.
“You might want to move away from the window before someone calls the police for indecent exposure,” said a deep voice from behind me.
I whirled around to look at the man standing at the bathroom door wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair still wet from the shower and droplets of water glistening on his skin.
My eyes opened wide, and my mouth fell open.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
It was Dean.
Oh no! No! No way!
I was so shocked at seeing Dean that I totally forgot about my state of undress. It wasn’t until when Dean’s gaze slowly wandered down my naked form that I finally remembered.
“Ah fuck,” I exclaimed before running back to the bed and picking up the covers to wrap around my waist.
“It’s a bit too late for that isn’t it?” Dean asked calmly.
I froze. What did he mean by that? What had happened last night? Please don’t tell me we had…that we had…oh my god please don’t let this mean that I had sex with Dean last night.
I tried to do a quick check up of my body. My ass wasn’t sore so there definitely hadn’t been any type of activity back there, unless Dean had a very minuscule dick that didn’t leave much of an impact afterwards. I didn’t appear to be covered in any sticky fluids, but that could have just meant that Dean cleaned me up after the deed.
Fuck! The only way to know the truth was to come out and ask Dean.
“Did we uhh…did we do anything last night?”
“If I remember correctly, you were the one who was doing everything,” Dean responded coolly.
Oh god! Oh god! I fucked Dean?
“W-what do you mean I did everything?”
“I mean,” Dean said, slowly walking towards me, “it was you who got drunk last night. It was you who asked me whether I wanted to fuck you.”
I cringed at hearing that, realizing just how drunk I had been to have made that offer or not even realize that I had been speaking to Dean.
Dean continued moving closer to where I stood with every sentence. “It was you who passed out at the bar with no one knowing where on earth you lived. It was you I had to bring home with me. It was you who wouldn’t even bloody shut up while asleep.”
Dean was now standing right in front of me. He poked his finger into my chest, making me cringe again.
“It was you who puked all over your clothes, causing me to have to take them off or leave you rotting in them.”
“Wait, puke? So that’s why I was naked? Not because we had…sex?”
“Sex!” The look on Dean’s face was incredulous, before it turned into anger. “What kind of person do you take me for,” he said furiously. “I’m not one to take advantage of a drunken idiot who can’t even fucking walk or remember his own goddamn name.”
I flinched at his raised voice. “Sorry…I didn’t mean…I’m sorry,” I stuttered, looking at the floor as my cheeks heated in embarrassment.
Dean let out a sigh of frustration. He rubbed his face with his hand. “Just go take a bloody shower, alright? Because quite honestly, you stink.”
That made my eyes shoot up in to Dean’s in surprise only to see a smirk playing over his face.
Dean continued, “I’ve ordered breakfast and it should be arriving in a while. I’ll leave some clothes out here for you to wear seeing as all of yours are still covered in a heavy dose of vomit.”
I blushed, and tried to make my way around Dean to the bathroom to salvage any shred of dignity I had left when Dean suddenly caught my arm.
“Wait,” he said.
I warily looked into Dean’s arctic blue eyes, as he stared down at my face.
“After all that I’ve done for you, the bloody least you can do is telling me your name.”
“It’s D-Dave,” I replied, feeling slightly intimidated in the way both of us were half naked and standing so close to one another.
“Dave,” Dean repeated as though working something through his mind. He then let go of my arm only to grab the back of my head. “I think the least I could do is to fulfill one of your demands from last night.”
With that he yanked me forward, causing me to loose the grip on the sheets I was holding up around my waist. The sheets hit the ground at the same time as Dean’s lips met mine in a hard and almost painful kiss.
I stood there dazed, not responding, but not pulling away either. It was as though my mind could not believe what was taking place. When I finally regained my senses, I yanked myself out of Dean’s hold.
“What the fuck!” I exclaimed, looking at Dean in shock.
Dean only stared at me with his arctic blue eyes. “Just thought I’d make your wish come true,” he replied calmly. “And besides,” Dean continued, a smirk once again spread over his face, “I’m pretty sure it was a better experience than having a donut shoved down your throat.”