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I stood naked at the bathroom mirror, trying to scrape away the last bit of dark brown stubble from my neck, when there was a knock on the door. Crap! That would be my breakfast.
I quickly rinsed and put on the plush, white robe hanging from the bathroom door and ran to answer it. I checked through the peephole and was pleasantly surprised to see Miguel, my original bellman, waiting.
I opened the locks and greeted him with a friendly smile, cinching my bathrobe a little tighter as I held the door back while he wheeled in the cart holding my food. Miguel smiled at me and said, “Good morning, Mr. Schaeffer. I have your breakfast. Where would you like to set it up?”
He looked very dapper in his uniform and his cologne was intoxicating. I smiled back, gesturing to the low table in front of the couch. He kept looking at me the whole time, his eyes taking in my semi-naked state. I would have had to be blind not to see he was interested in more than his tip. I felt my dick start to harden a little but I had no idea what I was supposed to do about it.
He transferred plates of food and glasses of water and juice to the coffee table–there was even a small vase with real flowers in it. His expressions of lust grew more pronounced. He was clearly ripping my robe off with his eyes and planning what he wanted to do when he had me naked.
When all was in place, he handed me the check to sign with a look on his face which chilled me to the bone. He licked his lips, now openly leering at me. I suddenly felt like a mouse being stared down by a snake. His mouth morphed into an evil grin.
I stopped breathing. I suddenly felt naked and vulnerable—and not in a good way. Instead of turning me on, he was creeping me out. My skin crawled as I slashed through the tip line and quickly scribbled my signature and room number. I handed him the folio and said, “Thank you, Miguel. That’ll be all.” I pulled the belt of my robe even tighter.
He frowned at my rebuff, the vaguest appearance of an angry sneer forming on his lips. He didn’t say another word, just turned and pushed the cart out into to the hall. I threw the locks, reattached the safety bar and leaned back against the door, trying to breathe normally again. This was the kind of attention I had always hoped to avoid. Flirting was sexy and fun—being stalked like prey was not.
I mentally tried to shake it off, checked the peephole to make sure he wasn’t lingering, then stepped back into the bathroom to finish up.
Grooming completed and work clothes donned, I forgot about Miguel and sat down with my breakfast. I was hungry. I lifted the gray metal plate covers and inhaled the amazing aromas. The omelet was perfection, the fruit fresh and flavorful and my toast was done just right–not too light, not too dark. I hated burnt toast. I indulged in a generous amount of whipped butter and jelly on a slice as I stared out the window towards the beautiful mountains in the distance. The sun reflecting off of the snow topped peaks had rays of light shooting everywhere. Truly a “mountain majesties” moment for me.
I finished my toast, swallowed the last of the juice, then decided I needed to call Sharon to get the day started. I wasn’t sure what the next steps were, but I was determined to put Amanda’s advice to work. She had given me a tool in the form of a pile of money and I didn’t know the first thing about how to use the tool. I was hoping Clyde or Sharon could help. I didn’t know anybody else, really. Except Billy. I smiled, thinking the only tool he probably cared about today was the one between Jerome’s legs.
Sharon answered on the first ring, and seemed surprised to hear from me so soon. “Good morning, Jack. Is everything alright?”
“Morning, Sharon. I’m doing great. I was wondering what’s on the agenda for today. I don’t think we really set a plan yesterday before I kinda fell apart on you all.”
“Jack, let it all go. You did nothing wrong.” She was back in mother mode. I loved it. “Let me chat with Clyde a minute, see what he has planned. You wanna hold?”
“Sure, I’ll hold.” I paced around the living room as I waited, contemplating my precious cell minutes being swallowed up by the second. Then I realized I could probably get a bigger plan now, maybe even a smartphone with some data or something now that I had a bigger wallet. Well, in theory anyway. The wallet in my back pocket currently had twenty-seven dollars in it. Probably wouldn’t cover cab fare to the airport.
Sharon came back on and said Clyde was thrilled I had recovered and was ready to re-engage. He was going to call Larry Weiss and set something up for the afternoon. She would call Billy to come get me right away. I thanked her for the help and hung up.
I figured I had a few minutes to kill, so I checked my teeth, brushed my hair again and hung up the robe I had dropped on the bathroom floor. I noticed my nasty white shirt from yesterday laying on the floor as well, so I held it under some cold water to rinse out the mess on the sleeve and collar. Since it was soaking wet, I hung it on a hanger and used the hairdryer to get it in decent shape again. At least it wouldn’t mildew or stink up my duffel bag on the trip home tonight.
I wasn’t sure if I should check out of my room or not, before heading over to Clyde’s office. I didn’t want to bother Sharon again–I’m sure she had other work to do besides attending to me all the time–so I decided to let it go for now. I could always come back later and get my things.
The phone on the desk rang with an orange light blinking. I answered it and Billy let me know he would be downstairs in five minutes or so. Time to get moving.
I saw Miguel standing by the front desk as I exited the elevator downstairs. I may have imagined it, but I swear I could feel his eyes following me, contemplating evil. I quick-stepped across the lobby to the exit. I was never so glad to see Billy pull up just as I exited the revolving door.
He had my door open and was standing there with his signature smile, eyes dancing in the sunlight, long hair blowing in the gentle breeze. His black suit and matching turtleneck shirt fit him perfectly, stretched tightly over the black muscle god underneath it all. I slid in the back, he got behind the wheel and we were off.
“How was dinner last night, Billy? Was it a happy anniversary?” I asked. I really wanted to know.
“Fantastic, Jack. Jerome outdid himself. In more ways than one.” He chuckled and I smiled back in the mirror. I was glad he was being so open, which was extremely unusual for me. It didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. I guess I was relaxing a bit with the knowledge Billy knew I was gay and didn’t care.
I had never actually said I was gay. I never spoke the words. But I knew he knew and I was okay with it for some reason, even if I didn’t know how he knew. Maybe it was because Billy seemed to accept me for who I was. There was nothing to fear from him.
We arrived at the law office building and parked in the garage. I followed Billy as usual, again, stealing glances at his ass as he walked. This time I kept imagining Jerome doing sexy things to Billy’s ass. I had no idea what Jerome looked like but I had a pretty good imagination when it came to gay sex. Years of practice.
In the elevator, Billy pressed the button for seventeen and grinned at me. “Are you looking at my butt again, Jack? I told you, my ass belongs to Jerome forever.” I instantly blushed, feeling the heat on my face and neck. I was mortified I had been caught. My old fears came bounding back.
“It’s cool, Jack. No worries. I think it’s great a cute guy like you is pervin’ on my ass. It’s a world class ass, don’t ya think?” He was smiling huge now as he patted his butt. I looked at it again, still struggling for a mental foothold.
“Relax, Jack. You got nothin’ to be ashamed of. Straight guys lust after women all the time. Makes sense a gay guy would be looking at men’s asses and crotches every chance he gets. Besides, like I said, I like that you think I’m sexy. Not so’s we can do anything about it. I’m in love with Jerome–have been for twelve years now. He’s my rock, my lover, my best friend. And just between you and me, my man can fuck. My God, can that man fuck! Makes sittin’ down a challenge this morning though.” He was laughing again.
The heat on my face and neck intensified. I was shocked to be having this conversation but I truthfully didn’t want it to end. This was the first time I had ever had a real life, sort of open conversation about two guys having sex together. Ever. And Billy was saying it all as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Oh how I envied his freedom.
We arrived on the seventeenth floor and stepped alone into the foyer. Billy stopped me with a gentle hand on my shoulder, his look suddenly serious. “I hope I didn’t offend you, Jack. I didn’t mean to, I promise. Sometimes I get a little too free with my mouth. Jerome gets on my case about it all the time. Says I embarrass him somethin’ awful.”
I thought about it and realized I was far from offended–I was grateful for it. “No problem, Billy. Really. Actually, I appreciate it. I really do. I...it’s just...well, I’ve never had someone I could talk to about...uh...you know...sex...sex with guys, that is. Thank you.” I was blushing again, but at least I wasn’t averting my eyes in abject mortification.
“You know, Jack, you have to give yourself time. Don’t push yourself so hard. You need to be comfortable with who you are and it can be hard when you’re gay. I know. I’ve been there. Takes a while to figure stuff out. But you listen to me, Jack. Don’t go chasin’ after the first dick that gets waved in your face. And don’t you ever let a guy treat you with disrespect. I mean it, you need to find a man who will love you for the total you, not just your fun bits. Until then, you just wait it out. You feel me?” He wasn’t smiling now–he was all serious business.
“I feel you, Billy. I just keep wondering, when is it going to happen? You are the only gay guy I’ve ever actually talked to, ya know? I’ve never actually said I was...gay...before. I just tried to ignore it but I don’t think it’s working anymore.” I hoped I didn’t sound pitiful. I couldn’t believe I had just said I was gay out loud.
“I did the same thing, Jack. The same damn thing. And I had myself so twisted in knots I thought I’d die before I had my first kiss. But I don’t know, one day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror and said, Billy Adams, you are gay. You’ve always been gay. You’re always gonna be gay. Might as well go ahead and be gay. I told mama and daddy the same night. I finally started being the real me. I was seventeen and still scared to death, but at least I could be honest with myself.”
I looked at him with increased respect. I was in awe of this man–the stature of his body and the stature of his heart. This was a big, big man–inside and out. And I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be free to be me, just like Amanda said I should be.
I suddenly had a horrifying thought. “Oh God, Billy. Does your mother know about me?”
He laughed big and loud. “Jack, it’s okay. I don’t know if she knows or not. She might suspect. That woman has ways of knowin’ a person that are spooky sometimes. But even if she does know, you got nothin’ to be afraid of. I don’t know how you did it, but you wormed your way into her heart faster than anybody I’ve ever seen. She called me last night and went on for twenty minutes, worryin’ about if you were gonna be okay. Jerome had to get on the extension and tell her good night so our food didn’t get cold. No way she’d not be okay with whatever you are.”
“Are you sure, Billy? I would hate to have her not like me. I think she’s a very special lady. I’d have been lost out here without her. And you.”
“I’m sure, Jack. I’m sure. Come on, they’re gonna start wonderin’ what’s keepin’ us.”
I was grinning as we entered the office and made our way around the maze of cubicles and desks. I sensed I had just made a small but significant step towards being the true me. It was as if I had lived my whole life behind a curtain of pretense, denying even to myself the truth of my sexuality. I may not be dancing out in front of the curtain just yet, but I was starting to peek out a little from behind it. It didn’t look so scary out there anymore.