The first thing Lórant did today after taking away my breakfast tray (I have an angel butler!) was to take the bandage out of my belly and cut away the stitches. There were so many of them! It took ages, each pulling my skin and hurting for that one second that seemed a little too much.
And now they’re off and I have an ugly scar where before I had beautiful, unmarked skin. It’s not just ugly, it’s angry. A thick red-ish line, like a drawing of a toddler who can barely hold a pencil. Now with me for the rest of my life. For all my lovers to see and feel as repulsed as I am.
How can I even have lovers that way? I guess all our intimate moments will have to be with clothes on. And I’ll have to explain why and make it awkward and they’ll give up because surely they can find someone else with a prettier body who doesn’t make a fool of herself every time she opens her mouth.
What about Lydia? Will she still want to be with me when we make peace? Did she like my kisses enough to feel it’s worth having them while avoiding the rest of my body?
I can’t look at myself anymore. I was so pretty, so perfect, and now…
Now I have a physical, tangible mark. It’s not like losing my wings; they made it clear I had done something unforgivable, but they didn’t change my looks. If someone like Lydia didn’t mind being in the company of a criminal, I could go along with it.
But a scar? Who wants to deal with that?
What are the chances I’ll find someone who is both willing to overlook my crimes and willing to overlook my ugly body?
Maybe I should just forget about having a love life. That’s Mother Deity’s punishment to me. I’ll be alone and ugly and cast out for the rest of my days to pay for what I did. I guess it’s fair enough.
I suppose I can say that on the bright side, I can now explore the whole house on my own and not be afraid that the stairs are going to make the scar even worse.
Unless they can make the scars even worse? Is that possible?
I’m going to the kitchen. Lóránt strongly implied that the fridge has been recently re-stoked with enough desserts to give diabetes to everyone here many times over. I’ll see how many tubs of ice cream I can eat before I feel my self-image is even more ruined.
Talk to you later? Unless I die of sugar overdose?
(At least it’s not a bad way to die. Better than killed by demons…)
Thanks for reading!
Sorry I ended up taking a whole week to show my face again. At least now I'm mostly recovered from the unexpected sickness (save the odd cough or two). And, as a thank you gift for your patience, I plan to post a new scene almost every day of this week. We'll have updates Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday, and then next week we return to the normal posting schedule as if nothing had happened.
Nice, isn't it?
But you know what would be even nicer? To get a few more people supporting me on Patron! I'm sure you want to! *wink wink nudge nudge*
(or maybe it would be nicer to skip the shameless self-promotion???)