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    Kjamieson
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Liam's story - 19. Chapter 19


    I woke up the next morning with Toby still wrapped around me, his arms holding me tight against him. I would have loved to lie around in bed and enjoy this but I had to pee. Extricating myself from his grip was harder than usual, he was holding on tight and seemed to tighten his arms around me every time I tried to move. It was sweet, but still had to pee. I was able to peel him off of me and head to the bathroom. When I was finished my business I went back to the bedroom hoping to crawl into the bed and get another hour or two of sleep, I didn’t have to work today and it was only 7:30, might as well sleep in. Toby it seemed had other plans, since I had left the bed he had sprawled out across it in a shape resembling a starfish, I wasn’t getting back in there without waking him.     

    I decided to make him breakfast in bed. Toby also seemed to have other plans for that. He had almost no food in his kitchen. How does he live like this? I left a quick note incase he woke up and went out to pick up a few breakfast sandwiches for us. 

    I wasn't gone long but when I got back I suddenly lost my appetite for food. He was obviously not long up, walking out of the bathroom, still naked. God he is a walking wet dream. I was hard instantly. I was also all over him instantly. I was horny, and needy. I didn’t have the patience for all the prep involved with anal so I dragged him to the bed, had him lie down on his back and got on top of him, with my dick right in front of his face will i took his in my mouth. 

    Once we were finished he joined me in the living room for breakfast. It was greasier than I would have liked, I am trying to get back into better shape and for the most part eat pretty healthy. One fast food breakfast wont hurt, Right? 

    Toby, never one to beat around the bush got right into what he wanted to talk about, me. Me, and what I was going to do about my feelings. He was obviously worried and threw around words like ‘depression’ and ‘grief’. He seemed really concerned about me, he was getting upset and at times teary, and I instantly felt bad for dumping all this on him. He reassured me it was fine, but I couldn’t help feel guilty. He has his own life, he shouldn’t have to deal with all my problems to. He suggested I go see someone, a therapist or counsellor or something, and while I agreed that probably is a good idea they are expensive. I need to save every penny I can for a car at the end of summer, I can’t afford to pay someone to sit there and listen to me throwing a pity party for myself. 

    “Maybe you should talk to your parents. I know you don't want to and feel like a burden, but maybe they can help you. I’m sure they would be willing to pay for you to see someone.” Toby suggested. The thought had been floating around my head, I know they would pay. They wanted to send me to one not long ago, still part of me didn’t want to add to their stress. 

    “I don’t know. They have a lot going on, with mom being hurt, they’re paying someone to come help her out. Dad just went back to work.” I was making excuses and I knew it. I knew they would help me regardless of how much they had going on in their own lives. I guess when it came down to it I was ashamed. I struggled to keep my composure as these thoughts bounced around. I shouldn’t need help, I shouldn’t have to spend my summer sitting in some office talking about my feelings like a crazy person. It’s not fair. 

    “I think I’ll be fine. If things get bad and I need to talk, I’ll come to you.” I lied and told Toby, I’ve already put enough on his plate. I can handle this.

    “You know, I will always be here, and will always listen to you but I don’t think I’m enough. You will always have my support, but I really think you need to see a professional.”

    “You think I’m crazy?” I was starting to get defensive.

    While I was getting defensive and a little worked up, Toby remained calm. “No. I don’t think you’re crazy. I just think you might need a little help. It’s okay to need help sometimes.” 
    “Well this is depressing, what do you say we get ready and do something fun before you have to work.” I shot up off the couch. 
    He grabbed my hand before I could get away, I turned to look at him while he held me in place. “We can drop it for now, but can you promise me you will at least think about what I have said?”
    “Sure. Now go get dressed.”

    We spent the rest of the morning wandering around the mall, we stopped at the movie theatre, not to see a movie we didn’t have time, but we did play a couple of games of air hockey to kill some time. It got closer to noon and Toby would have to head to work. We said our good byes and I headed home. Even though I had a great sleep last night I was still tired, I always feel so tired. I talked to my mom for a few minuted before heading up to bed for a long nap.

Copyright © 2017 Kjamieson; All Rights Reserved.
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Poor Liam, is right. He's depressed, That's why he's so tired. It takes a lot out of you. Toby is absolutely correct in talking to him about seeing someone but it is always easier said than done. Well, in most cases anyway.

Keep up the good work!

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Depression affects your sleep. With me, it exasperates my natural night owl tendencies and keeps me up into the early morning – sometimes past sun up! My sleep schedule has at times flipped wth me sleeping all day and being awake at night. My therapists often used to ask me how many hours I’d slept – it was an indication of how bad the depression was at the time.  ;-)

 

Depression often keeps you from wanting to do things.  ;-)

 

Our culture stigmatizes mental health problems. In the US, many health plans either don’t cover or severely limit coverage – the otherwise very good Kaiser Permanente limits the time that you can see psychiatrists and psychologists because they only recognize depression episodes! They don’t see depression as a long-term problem – I’ve been seeing psychiatrists and psychology interns for more than seven years now!  ;-)

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Liam is running away from his problems, but I hope he gets help in the end. Toby is doing the right thing being supportive without forcing the issue to much, so Liam don't start seeing him as an "enemy" .

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Definite depression. Tired, irritable, anxious, erratic, insomnia all signs.

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Liam's rationalizations for not seeking help, including going to his parents seems to indicate something more than depression alone...

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If I were Toby I would have been seriously freaked out to wake up alone after the events of the night before.  I hope Liam gets the help he needs or this could end very badly for him.  

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On 2018-01-18 at 12:04 PM, Wesley8890 said:

Poor liam

 

On 2018-01-18 at 2:12 PM, empresslovesreading said:

Poor Liam, is right. He's depressed, That's why he's so tired. It takes a lot out of you. Toby is absolutely correct in talking to him about seeing someone but it is always easier said than done. Well, in most cases anyway.

Keep up the good work!

 

It is a pretty hard time to be Liam right now! hopefully things turn around for him soon.

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21 hours ago, droughtquake said:

Depression affects your sleep. With me, it exasperates my natural night owl tendencies and keeps me up into the early morning – sometimes past sun up! My sleep schedule has at times flipped wth me sleeping all day and being awake at night. My therapists often used to ask me how many hours I’d slept – it was an indication of how bad the depression was at the time.  ;-)

 

Depression often keeps you from wanting to do things.  ;-)

 

Our culture stigmatizes mental health problems. In the US, many health plans either don’t cover or severely limit coverage – the otherwise very good Kaiser Permanente limits the time that you can see psychiatrists and psychologists because they only recognize depression episodes! They don’t see depression as a long-term problem – I’ve been seeing psychiatrists and psychology interns for more than seven years now!  ;-)

It is sad how little coverage mental health receives. I live in Canada where most physical health is covered. You can see a psychiatrist, but the wait lists are long and the only way to get expensive psychiatric care covered is to be an inpatient. My private insurance covers 12 visits a year under an EAP plan and an addition few hundred dollars a year I can pay then be reimbursed. Thats for a psychologist or counsellor.

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20 hours ago, Sweetlion said:

Liam is running away from his problems, but I hope he gets help in the end. Toby is doing the right thing being supportive without forcing the issue to much, so Liam don't start seeing him as an "enemy" .

I agree. Sometimes just being there is a help. He recognizes Liam needs more help than he can give, but he is encouraging but not pushy when trying to get Liam to get help.

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19 hours ago, BlindAmbition said:

Definite depression. Tired, irritable, anxious, erratic, insomnia all signs.

yup. Hopefully he gets help soon. Good help can make a world of difference. 

 

15 hours ago, Daddydavek said:

Liam's rationalizations for not seeking help, including going to his parents seems to indicate something more than depression alone...

 

I don't know, some people feel deep shame for mental health issues. I have only recently had my own mental health issues, even prior to this I have always been one to encourage others to seek help, but when I had my own issues it took a lot for me to finally admit it to myself and seek help, because even though I firmly believe that mental illness should be de-stigmatized I still felt a lot of shame. 

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8 hours ago, glennish said:

If I were Toby I would have been seriously freaked out to wake up alone after the events of the night before.  I hope Liam gets the help he needs or this could end very badly for him.  

He left a note :P 

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7 minutes ago, Kjamieson said:

It is sad how little coverage mental health receives. I live in Canada where most physical health is covered. You can see a psychiatrist, but the wait lists are long and the only way to get expensive psychiatric care covered is to be an inpatient. My private insurance covers 12 visits a year under an EAP plan and an addition few hundred dollars a year I can pay then be reimbursed. Thats for a psychologist or counsellor.

Do any organizations offer free or low-cost therapy interns? Almost all the psychological therapy I’ve gotten over the years has been doctoral candidate interns. They get real-world practice, I get therapy at little or no cost to me (it’s free to me now that I’m on Medicare/MediCal [aka Medicaid in other states]).  ;-)

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8 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

Do any organizations offer free or low-cost therapy interns? Almost all the psychological therapy I’ve gotten over the years has been doctoral candidate interns. They get real-world practice, I get therapy at little or no cost to me (it’s free to me now that I’m on Medicare/MediCal [aka Medicaid in other states]).  ;-)

I've never looked into that option, I imagine it might be available in the cities with bigger universities? I live near a small city that has a university but it only offers undergrad programs. The nearest university that offers masters and doctoral programs is a couple hours away. That might be an option. I am fortunate that I am in a position that if I really had to I could pay out pf pocket, I don't want to, but it would be possible. I also have a decent health spending account I can access, so I could always get reimbursed that way. I have my own health spending account and since I am also on my husbands benefits I have access to another one as well. 

 

I believe there are also places that offer services and charge on a sliding scale based on income, I looked in to that briefly but didn't qualify. 

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