The X-Men Chronicles - 11. Paradox In Time

Chapter 11: Paradox in Time

I felt the arms pick me up, and somewhere deep inside me I knew that it was late. I snuggled into Johnny’s arms and held on a bit tighter.

“We zonked out. Want me to carry you, or you wanna walk?"

“Which one involves keeping your arms around me?”

“The one where we’re going to the same place at the same time.”

I smiled, and held on a bit tighter, and then I lifted us off the ground and made us go past the Institute’s roof.

“You really are a show-off aren’t you?”

“Can’t blame a guy for wanting to spend time with the guy he’s falling for, can you?”

“Chris...you’re gonna be bad for business, I can tell.”

“Johnny, you’re gonna make life interesting. I can tell.”

I guided us to the window outside my room and opened it. I floated us inside and he walked us to my bed.

“I’m gonna go see Sue for a little while, do you want me to come back here or do you wanna just go to sleep, we’ll catch up tomorrow?”

“If you wanna come back, that door’s always open for you.”

He bent down and kissed my forehead, and then my lips. It was soft and quick, but it made me feel warm and safe. I nodded off after I heard the lock click into place.

The sun shone through the curtains with a vengeance, infusing every inch of my room with light and warmth. I closed the curtains and rolled over, wanting a couple more minutes of sleep, but the sun simply found every crease in the curtains and seemed to shine in just as brightly.

“It’s not your imagination, it is in fact bright again, and no it’s not that you’re crazy.”

I smiled in the general direction of the voice and rolled back over, mumbling something or another about being tired.

“No, no, no mister, it’s time to get up and face this beautiful Wednesday.”

“Noooooohhhhhh”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! C’mon sleepy-head” Johnny picked me up and carried me in the direction of the bathroom. In the back of my mind I wondered whether or not he would actually put me in the shower. The thought alone made my system do a quick re-boot.

“I’m up, I’m up!”

“Good, thought I was gonna have to put you in the shower”

I looked into his eyes and I felt so secure, so calm. I felt him tipping me towards the ground and I held onto his neck, and nuzzled into his shoulder.

“C’mon Chris, you have classes in forty minutes, I have to go get Pete from the airport, and then we have to find time for us”

“Fine...I’ll take a shower.”

I let him put me on the floor and began taking my clothes off.

“You know, you’re dangerous to be around Chris.”

“Why’s that Johnny?"

“Here I am, celibate for the past six months, and you just take all your clothes off in front of me. You tell me your door’s always open, and have the nerve to look flawless when you sleep...tsk tsk tsk, you’re quite the tease.”

I looked straight into his eyes, and for a second I considered throwing myself at him and letting him ravage my body. I wanted to feel every inch of his body pressed against me, to smell the scent under the cologne and the deodorant. I wanted to taste his skin, to feel him as close as I possibly could. But only for a brief second.

Listening to my baser instincts had already gotten me into enough trouble in my past. Maybe the time to think with my head and not my dick had finally arrived. I steeled myself to look at Johnny, and be able to keep my resolve.

“Johnny, maybe you could wait in the room for me?”

“I...yea I think that’s best.”

“Don’t take it the wrong way, it’s nothing to do with you...believe me I would do anything to be with you in that way, but I want things between us to come to pass of their own accord, I don’t wanna rush it all along...”

He walked over to me and kissed my forehead then left the bathroom. I could hear him humming some song, and I hoped he’d understood me, hoped he understood the reasons behind my asking him to leave. I stepped into the shower and began to think of Keith. He was the constant nagging voice in the back of my head, always present, even when I thought he wouldn’t show up, he was there in my mind. I wondered what a day in his life was like.

[The Brotherhood’s House]

I was sitting in what passed for a couch at the so-called headquarters for the Brotherhood. I couldn’t believe these were the people that I had to depend on to achieve my current goals. There was only two upsides to my current “comrades,” one was the regular fuck I got from Lance and the other was the regular fuck I got from Pietro.

“Lance, would you mind...”

“Go on ahead I’ll be up in a minute”

I went up the stairs and went into my bedroom. I looked out the window and was instantly annoyed. The sun was bright in the sky, there were birds fluttering and chirping all over the place, it was sickening.

All I wanted was to get Lance in here, get my brains fucked out, and then I would start planning my next move. I knew part of what had to happen including me finding Mesmero; he could be the key to the entire infrastructure of my plan. I just needed to get Chris under control for an hour or two, just long enough to manipulate one or two memories and let the past do what I wasn’t able to.

“Hey hot stuff”

“Shut up Lance, take your rags off, get the lube, and lay on the bed”

“Y’know Keith, sometimes you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”

“You know what Lance...I couldn't care less”

“Keith...you’re sexy as fuck, you’d be almost a catch if it wasn’t for the fact that everything that comes out of your mouth is snide and dripping with venom. Know what, I don’t much feel ‘up’ to deal with this right now.”

“Lance...does this have anything to do with the whole ‘falling’ for me thing?”

“Yea well...the heart wants what it wants Keith. That I can’t help, even if I wanted to.”

I looked into Lance’s honey-colored eyes and suddenly I knew he and I could have something special, something that would last years, and something that could grow strong.

“Lance, look at me.”

“I am”

“No, Lance. LOOK at me! I’m a copy! I don’t know if I’m looking more like Christopher or if I am actually becoming Christopher...what happens if the next time we fight we suddenly just fuse back together? What happens if I just disappear in the middle of the night?”

“That doesn’t matter to me Keith!”

The ground began shaking beneath my feet, and I could feel Lance’s powers pushing at the walls of the room.

“Lance, stop!”

“You have all these walls! You just push and push and push and you just hope that everyone will stay away from you, but you know what; I am NOT backing away. I am here, and I am gonna be here for a long while! Get used to it!”

He rushed me. His hands grabbed my wrists and he pinned me to a wall. His mouth found mine and as his tongue met mine I felt something very different. This kiss wasn’t just going through the motions; it wasn’t a means to end. There was something deeper, something with more life behind it.

He kissed me with such force, such feeling. I wanted to resist him, to not respond to his touch, to his fingers, his lips, but my body and my heart would not listen. My walls shook a little, my breath hitched, and my heart beat a little faster. I could feel my hands getting sweaty, I could feel my dick getting harder and harder.

His hands slid up my arms, when they reached my neck he spun us around and guided us to the bed, pinning me under him. He broke the kiss and looked into my eyes, the depth of his stare shook my very core; he was looking for a soul, for a heart, for the “me” beneath all the artificial crap. I saw myself reflected in his eyes, and for the very first time I saw my hair wasn’t in fact reddish-brown like Chris’s, it was reddish-blonde. My eyes weren’t emerald green, they were gray. In Lance’s eyes I saw “Keith” and not Chris’s reflection; in his eyes I was unique.

“Keith, I think—“

“Don’t Lance, just don’t.”

I got out from under him and headed for the bathroom. I wanted to be alone for a while. I wanted to think about everything that was going on, to process everything that I was finding out and thinking about. I needed to be alone with myself.

I turned the water as hot as it would go and stepped under the spray. I wanted to drown myself and forget all about Chris and Erik and all the rest, I just wanted to be free to be me, to explore the world, to just stop and smell the world, take it all in. Suddenly I understood that this was no one else’s fault. I was the one constantly attacking Chris and his lackeys, I was the one who kept on pushing and pushing, maybe if I stopped he’d just let me be, maybe I could talk to him and show him my side of things, maybe he would understand.

[Xavier Mansion]

I leaned back from the computer for a second. The history paper Scott had assigned was really kicking my ass. All I wanted was to be with Johnny, to be somewhere where Susan wasn’t sick, where Keith didn’t exist, where things were simple and where the only complicated decisions would be dinner, and whether or not we wanted to wake up right at that moment.

My phone vibrated and I took it out of my pocket, it was a text message from Darren.

=y r u not out here w us? We r gng swmmng!!=

It was a tempting offer, one that I would regularly jump at, but today I felt like being alone, I felt like just breathing and doing this paper, and not worrying about the glances and the speculations, and the sudden wall that had come between me and the rest of the Junior X’s, I just wanted to be free to be me, to stop and smell the roses, and just take it all in.

[Brotherhood House]

“I’m going out. ALONE.”

“Keith, you know Magneto wants us to keep an eye on you.”

“If you can keep up with me, then you can come.”

“I’ll go”

Pietro stood from the couch and came towards me, there was a glint in his eye that made my spine feel tingly, in a bad way. “I’d rather stay in than have to be seen around town with one of you...”

I turned and headed upstairs, I could feel Lance’s eyes on my back the entire time. I could tell something was out of sorts, something simply wasn’t right. I wanted to get away from here, but I knew every window and door had a sensor in it and would ping if they were opened, it had been my idea to install them for extra security.

I went to the window and looked out over the backyard, something was definitely wrong, definitely off.

<RUN RUN RUN!!! KEITH RUN!!>

I felt the pain of the knife as it went into Lance’s hand. He had risked himself for me, and I would do my best to get him and myself outta here without too much fuss. I became living fire and began to burn everything around me. If they wanted to be backstabbing rats, then I would burn them out like the rats they pretended to be. I would light the night sky with my flames and they would suffocate in the smoke of my wrath.

<Keith, let’s do this the easy way>

<Fuck off Wanda>

I flew out of my room and into the living room, making sure to stay off the floor. I levitated Lance from the floor and broke through the roof of the house. As I floated above the house I raged, and my rage fueled my fire and with it I made sure to completely engulf the house in flames. I may not kill any of them, but I would at least give me and Lance enough time to find some sort of haven.

I turned back to flesh and headed for the only place I knew where I might make Lance safe, at least for the night.

[Xavier Mansion]

“If you’re just joining us now, we are here at the intersection of Spruce and Pine streets where a violent fire has broken out. The house you see behind me has been ablaze for the past five minutes, and firefighters are finding it difficult to keep the flames from spreading.

According to eye-witness reports the blaze began inside the home, and no one saw any of the eight residents leave the home. Authorities have not been able to identify the missing persons, due in part to the fact that this home is deemed an abandoned building according to city records. Back to you in the studio, Matt and Laura.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. There on TV, like it was the simplest of houses, was the Brotherhood’s main house, all lit up in flames. A part of me was horrified that people would die in such a horrible manner, but another part of me was happy...almost ecstatic. I searched within myself to find a rhyme or a reason for the way I felt, but all I could find were the words “just desserts” and it only served to freak me out further. My compass of right and wrong was at odds with itself. I had never rejoiced in the deaths of others, no matter how disgustingly horrid they had been in life. I wanted to understand what was going on, what I was feeling. I needed to not feel this strange sensation of victory, guilt and repulsion. My phone rang and it was another text.

=open Ur door=

I went to the door and opened it; Johnny was on the other side, his face a perfect sculpture of nothing. He didn’t know my reaction, and he wanted to be there for me, if I was joyful, horrified, in turmoil, or ready to paint the town red, he would be there. He just wanted me to lean on him.

“I thought after this morning...maybe you would...”

“Let’s get one thing straight here Chris, I’m not in this...friendship for a quick piece of ass, I’m here for something different, something that only time can give; I’ll be here as long as you want me here. Not a minute less or more ‘kay?”

“I must’ve done something real good in a past life...”

“Nah, you just stood in the right light, at the right moment, on the right night.”

He stepped into my room and slid his arms around my waist, his lips found mine for a second, and it was all it took for me to feel that instant safety and calm that only Johnny could bring to me. I pulled myself as close to him as I could and inhaled the scent of ash, musk, and Johnny; I knew where I wanted to be.

“So, what’s with the fireworks?”

“I was just watching it...I don’t know exactly how to feel...It’s a complicated situation...”

“I bet it is. Do you wanna go talk to Jean about it?”

“She has enough on her plate right now...do you think she’d mind?”

“She’s your mom Chris, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind helping you deal with this.” He kissed my forehead, gave me a tight hug and started walking out of my room.

“Oh, and the whole thing where you want to wait for the sex thing, does that also curtail our sleeping arrangements?”

“My door is always open for you Johnny, and my bed is wide enough.”

He winked at me and walked out. I grabbed a cig and opened the window. I wanted to talk this over with Jean; I wanted to find out if this was normal or if I was becoming a heartless person. The thought came unbidden and loud; I had not cared when Rogue had snapped Sabretooth’s arm, I had not cared when she’d almost killed Mystique, I had wanted blood from Wanda, I wanted Keith dead and buried, I wanted Mesmero flayed alive.

I couldn’t believe that these were actually my desires and my wants. I couldn’t believe that I would be so violent and so vindictive, it simply didn’t seem like the me I had always prided myself in being. I took a drag of my cigarette and flicked it out. I needed to talk to Jean ASAP.

Making my way through the halls of the Institute, it began to dawn on me that perhaps I wasn’t the only one who was struggling with what was on the news. Maybe others were as torn as I was over it. My feet moved of their own accord and I somehow ended up in front of Jamie’s room. I knocked and waited for an answer. I heard laughter from inside and then the door swung open and there was Bobby, in a towel, hair dripping wet, and Jamie was by the bed equally drenched and in an equal state of undress.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to interrupt. Jamie, Bobby, when either of you get a sec, I’d really appreciate a friend...”

“I’ll get dressed, just give me a sec.”

“No, Bobby, don’t rush. I’m going to see Jean first; maybe the four of us could have dinner later? You guys, and Johnny and me?”

Jamie came to the door; there was something different about him, something harder, more closed off from the world...or maybe just from me.

“Listen Chris, we had plans with the gang already...some other time?”

I could read between the lines better than anyone. I had spent my entire life living between the lines, never fully saying anything, never truly being me. They didn’t want me around anymore; I had become persona non grata for some reason. I felt the pinpricks of tears sting at the back of my eyes, I felt the knot rise in my throat and begin to suffocate me, and I could feel the difference in my breathing. I forced a smile, nodded and walked away.

“Hey, Chris WAIT!”

I heard Jubilee’s voice call from somewhere behind me, but the tears had fallen, and I refused to let them see me cry. I refused to let any of them know how much it hurt, how alone I felt. I turned the corner and morphed into Johnny, then into Darren and finally into Scott. Jubilee would assume I went a different way and that would be that. I heard her call my name twice more, then she rounded the corner and as she scanned the crowd for me, Scott Summers walked past her, nodded at her kept going, Jubilee didn’t even know how close I was.

I made it into the elevator that led to the med-bay; I figured Jean would still be in her office, or working with Beast on how to best help Susan.

“Password please”

“Family”

“Password not recognized. Please speak or type your password”

I moved to the keypad and entered “Family” then pressed the green button.

“Password not recognized. Please speak or type your password”

”FAMILY”

“Password not recognized. Security measures engaged. Protocol 23 enabled.”

I saw the vents open, and instantly the nerve gas began to pump in, enough to take any mutant that breathed it, down in less than five seconds. I sent a thought to Jean, and hoped...

[Somewhere over Westchester]

I flew as fast as I could, as high as I could. I didn’t want anyone to say they’d seen someone flying overhead with a limp body in arms. My sense of direction was utterly screwed, I knew where I wanted to go, but for some reason I couldn’t find my way there. I knew the coordinates, the mailing address, and the exact number of minutes it took to fly there, but I just couldn’t seem to get there.

Lance began to come to. I could feel him stirring in my arms, I had tried to heal his hand several times but my power didn’t seem to be working too well. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what or why. I felt him get heavier and heavier, I couldn’t hold his weight anymore. I flew to the closest roof and set us down, it was one of the roughest landings I’d ever had.

I saw the ground rush up, and then the cold hand of sleep.

[Limbo]

I knew this was a place I didn’t want to be the second I got there. It was filled with fog, darkness and echoes. It creeped the fuck out of me, and I wanted to get out of here immediately.

*Damn elevator, got broken or something...and now I’m stuck in the damn twilight zone...great!* I walked around but I felt like I was moving on a treadmill, not quite moving and yet still moving...I hated this place, wherever it was, all I wanted was to be out of here.

“And you shall be out of here Christopher Lensherr, you shall be out of here promptly enough.”

“Who’s there?”

“I have never had a name, but I have always been known, you’ve always felt me, but I have never been seen, nor heard. I am nothing and everything.”

“SO you’re a figment of my imagination, brought on by the nerve gas?”

“And yet I’m as real as the uniform you’re currently wearing.” I felt my clothes change from the light t-shirt and jeans to the heavier leather of the uniform.

“You will be out of here, once the error has been corrected, and the world is set back.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about...”

“You will soon”

I knew that I could drive myself hoarse screaming at the emptiness and the voice would not speak again. I sat on the floor and waited. I waited to be woken up, to be killed, to be tortured, to re-live my life...I waited, after all what else could I do in the fog and darkness? I could hear someone murmuring close by, and I could feel someone close by. I knew that I wasn’t alone, and that whoever, or whatever was in this place with me wasn’t the proprietor of the voice.

“Hello?”

“Chris?”

“Keith?”

“Yes, you are both correct. There’s three people in this instant; myself, Christopher Lensher and Keith Lensher. The major problem is that either Christopher or Keith, or both must be gone before one can leave.” I saw Keith begin to glow, but not with fire, it was simply light, light that was being allowed into the darkness.

“The rules are simple; the universe can only have one of you. There cannot be two of the same person running around, it creates a paradox and threatens to destroy the entire galaxy, so if you wish to see those whom you call family, friends, and lovers, you must first either defeat the other, or agree to remain in Limbo.”

The voice faded into nothingness, and all that was left was Keith and me.

“I’m done fighting Chris...I’m done trying to be someone...” Part of me wanted to call the voice back and have it take me from Limbo and back into the light and warmth of the world I knew. But there was something else beneath the words, something that deserved my attention.

“I never wanted to fight Keith. You were part of me, the me I could never be, the me I wasn’t able to be until we split. You’re the side of me that I always feared, the side that I always felt I could never allow myself to be.”

“Yea, that’s all easy to say right now isn’t it? We can just rip our heart open and let each other know all the fluffy shit inside it right?”

“Keith, something wants us to either give into Limbo or kill the other, I don’t know about you, but I have my reservations about killing you, what if we both die? What if we can only live with both of us alive? Have you ever even thought about what might possibly happen if we actually succeed in killing each other?”

“Now we won’t have to find out. I choose to stay in Limbo.”

“NO!”

“Chris! What awaits me out there? The only person who’s ever seen me for more than a copy of you is probably dead...the people who housed me tried to kill me, and are all hopefully dead...I have no one and nothing. You at the very least have Jean and Bobby, and all your friends. Just go, it’s the least I can do after everything that I’ve done.”

“Keith, you’re not a copy of me. We’re two completely different creatures, we look alike but we don’t think alike, the only reason we can head each other off so often is because of the thirst to win, something that even twins would have in common. Half the time I doubt whether or not you’re actually gonna do what I think you are, if we were the same person I wouldn’t need to doubt it. We are different, we just look alike”

“Well whatever brought us here doesn’t share your opinion does it Chris? It wants to erase one of us; it wants only one of us out there, so why not the one that has the most to gain, instead of the one who already lost it all?”

“Christopher, Keith. Time is of the essence, your decision must be made, or you will both die, only your minds are here, your bodies are still out there, and the soul can’t be parted from its shell for too long.”

“I don’t think this is fair!! There is no paradox; we have no goals in common, no common friends, desires...we’re more twins than we are the same being!”

“The universe reads one of you, from both of you. I am here to correct the error, not argue semantics.”

“It’s not arguing semantics. No one confuses him with me or me with him, he has a different Psionic signature, his powers work differently than mine, his body is different from mine, look at us! We don’t even look alike anymore!! How can you read us as one when we are two?”

“Keith, you must understand, you ruptured reality when you used your powers to separate yourself from the whole. The Universe reads you as the same, physical appearances and beliefs have nothing to do with the fact that when you were born there was only one of you, and now there are two of you.”

“Not true! When we were born The Universe took Melissa Grey away, Keith is simply filling the space left behind by her; he’s filling the slot of the twin that was not given the chance to live. The Universe owes Jean Grey that much!” Keith looked at me but I shook my head, we would speak about specifics later , right now I had to get out of here, I had to run to Jean, to hug Johnny, I wanted to leave this place of darkness and fog.

“Melissa grey was taken away to solve the Jean Grey/Phoenix Force paradox, there is no ‘empty slot’ because of that death. It was pre-destined”

“So an innocent soul paid for an alien being’s mistakes? Is that how The Universe works? It picks and chooses what and who lives based on chance?”

“I do not assume to know The Universe’s reason behind any of its actions, I am simply an enforcer.”

“So how does The Universe tell you what to do?”

“I simply know.”

“So all this could simply be your opinion?”

“No, these are the orders of The Universe.”

“The Universe owes Jean...and it owes me, and it owes Keith! If he doesn’t count as one person, how can he be able to make choices? That makes no sense!!” The light suddenly became brighter, and I became instantly aware of another consciousness, but it wasn’t a single mind, it wasn’t a single being. It was a gathering of conscious thought, balled into a single strand but made of a million different points. I had never thought something like this would be possible.

“We are the voices of the lost. The guardians of the secrets and the eyes of the past, the present, and the future. We have heard you, and agree. We want to petition that Keith Lensher and Melissa Lensher be given the opportunity that was denied them. There is no paradox, these are two beings.”

“It is not within my power to change the mandates of The Universe; I am merely an enforcer, nothing more.”

“Release these young men into our care, we will correct the paradox as the Universe sees it, and your job will have been done.”

I felt a tugging sensation deep inside me, and the darkness encroached, the cold came and I knew that something horrible or wonderful was about to happen. The sensation of falling took over, and the scream caught in my throat. I wanted to scream in terror but even that I was being denied. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t fight against the pull of gravity that wanted to sink me deeper and deeper and a bottomless pit.

[Xavier Institute Med-Bay]

Jean couldn’t believe that she was in the med-bay again. She analyzed the blood smears in front of her, but her mind had not left the room where Chris’s limp body lay. She was sick and tired of finding her son in danger, knocked out, or on the verge of death. The whole thing was getting real old, real quick. She walked away from her desk and headed to the room where Chris was recovering, the elevator had doused him with a very strong dose of Chloroform. She was worried what it might do to his system, she knew better than anyone how strong Chris was, but the facts remained the same though: He was not invincible.

“Christopher, when will you just be a normal kid? I’m sorry you’ve never had that chance. I’m sorry it was taken from you before you were even born. Please, just get better, just look at me, just wake up.”

She kissed his forehead and began to leave but something sharp went through her stomach. She didn’t know whether it was an actual object or just a sharp pain. She held her stomach and looked down, half-expecting to see a knife or something, but there was nothing there. She grabbed the corner of Chris’s bed and hit the button that would alert Hank and the others to come to Chris’s room. She felt herself falling, and hoped she had moved far away enough from any sharp edges that she would not kill herself on the fall.