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Undetermined Identity - 5. Chapter 5...Courage


"Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Later that same night...It seems everyone has Nick, Lisa and Danny on their minds, no one knows what Sunday has in store for them.

Tyler and Ashley's place....

"Hey babe, I think Nick's going to do it, I think he's going to tell Lisa he's gay." Tyler yelled to Ashley who was brushing her hair in the bathroom.

"You know, she called me today. She's planning some special dinner for Nick tomorrow, she wanted some ideas, and... She wants me to go shopping with her. What makes you think he's going to tell her?" she asked stepping out of the restroom.

"Well, I know he's got a thing for Danny, and… I know something went on with them today, he just wouldn't tell me. Not to mention it's just the right thing to do."

Ashley jumped on the bed asking all excited, "Really? What do you think they did?” Her eyes were big with surprise.

"I don't know but they both looked guilty as hell when Marshall and I walked in."

"Cool, you think they kissed?"


Ashley squealed with delight rubbing her hands together, "I would have loved to see that."

"ASH!!!" Tyler pushed her over on the bed.

"Well I would have." She said sitting back up laughing, "That's so hot."

"What, two dudes kissing? You women are crazy."

"Well I love the fact that Nick doesn’t kiss and tell, he's a real gentleman."

"I never said they kissed for sure, but I will say that Marshall didn't like the fact that Nick and Danny were alone."

"Maybe he has a crush on Danny, I mean look at him, he's gorgeous."

"Are you crushing on Danny?" Tyler asked as he pinned Ashley down on her back.

"Who me.” She laughed sticking her tongue out at Tyler.

"Yes you." Tyler said kissing her face.

"Danny, maybe, he’s cute, but he's got nothing on my man."

"Damn straight, and I bet he can't do this." He said, and then made a small movement of bucking his hips forward.

"Woooo, I bet he can't.” Ashley giggled responding to Tyler's movement.

"Or this.” He said and kissed the spot behind her ear. They both laughed and fell into a deep kiss...

~~~~~~~~~~Nick and Lisa's home~~~~~~~

Lisa was busy making homemade hamburgers and fries while Nick chopped up fresh cabbage for making Cole slaw. His thoughts drifted to Danny and the kiss they shared. He wondered if he should tell Lisa tonight being here with her felt so wrong. It was eating him up inside and would change the course of life for both of them with one admission.

Lisa felt butterflies in her stomach every time the thought crossed her mind that was carrying Nick's child. "He will be as happy as I am, he just has to get used to the idea." She thought. She smiled while watching him chop the cabbage, His tongue hanging out of his mouth as he studied the cabbage like a skilled artisan would. "He is going to be a great father."

Nick was always so reserved and quite about his feelings, but deep down Lisa knew he loved her and would stick to his vows ‘till death do they part’. She stared long and hard at Nick and he felt the stare. He looked up and smiled but kept making the slaw, he really didn’t want to have too much conversation he felt bad enough as it was.

“So, Nick dinner tomorrow night… just the two of us?” She asked.

“Yeah, it’s cool.” He said clearing his throat.

“I can’t wait, I’m excited, you?” She asked with hope in her voice.

“Yeah, we need to talk. There all done.” Nick placed the Cole slaw on the counter and wiped his hands off on the towel.

“Nick?” Lisa stopped him as he was turning to walk away.


“Do you love me…I mean like you did when we first met.”

“I love you Lisa, and I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, I’m happy with you, with being your wife.” Lisa wrapped her arms around Nick’s waist; she stood on her tiptoes and tilted her head up to meet Nick’s. He tilted his head down and kissed her. She moaned at the pleasure of his touch, his strong hands caressing her back, her body yearn for more. She licked his lips, her moist tongue wanting to dance with his. Abruptly Nick pulled away.

“What’s the matter Nick?” Lisa looked confused.

Nick pulled into his embrace and kissed the top of her head, “Nothing I’m just tired that’s all.”

Awww, baby, go take a shower, get some rest I’ll serve you dinner in bed.” Lisa said shooing Nick away.

“Lisa you don’t have to do that, I will take a shower and just call me when dinners ready, Ok?”

“Baby I want to, I want to take care of my husband.” Lisa thought for a moment. “Hey wait.” She went over to the wine rack and pulled out a bottle of Merlot. “Here open this.” She got the corkscrew and one glass.

Nick laughed, “Ok.” He opened the wine and poured his glass. “Hey you’re not drinking any?”

“Oh, yeah.” Lisa reached for another wine glass. Nick poured her one, took a sip of his, and headed up to shower. Lisa sat hers on the counter and continued cooking.

Nick sat his wine down on the nightstand, heaved a sigh, and fell backwards onto the bed. “Shit.” He cursed aloud closing his eyes tightly. He ran his fingers through his hair, thinking hard about what to do.

He felt like crying, and he felt lost, and confused. At that moment, that very moment he felt scared. He felt guilty. He actually thought about not telling Lisa at all, and just keep living the way he’s been living; after all, it was not that bad. They both had great jobs, a nice home, and wonderful family support system, not to mention Lisa was indeed beautiful and she loved him. He rubbed his temples trying to release the pressure that was building up inside his head.

He took his cell phone from his pocket flipped it open and played with the keypad. His thumb lightly ran over the numbers until his fingers tapped ten digits.


Danny was sitting on the sofa with his own personal bowl of popcorn and Marshall was sitting on the floor with his. They were watching Sleepy Hollow with Johnny Dep. Danny held his pillow tightly against his chest he watched in fright as another man lost his head. He was reaching for another hand full of popcorn when suddenly his cell phone rang.

“Ahhhh!” He shouted and knocked over his whole bowl of popcorn. The bowl fell face down on Marshall’s head and the popcorn flew everywhere. Marshall tilted up the bowl, and peeked from under it up at Danny.

“Really, man? Really?” He questioned as he removed the bowl from his head. Danny just stared at the phone sitting on the table. Marshall looked at him in irritation and waved his hand towards the phone. “Well, answer it!”

Danny reached for it as he recognized the number…Nick. “It’s him.” Danny looked over to Marshall. Danny’s heart raced, he felt like a giddy high school teen waiting for his crush to call.

Nick sighed and was about to hang up when he heard his voice.


“Um…Danny, hey its Nick how are you, did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, not at all, I was just sitting here with Marshall watching a movie, how are you?”

“I’m good, I... um wanted to see how your nose was.” That was dumb.

“My nose?” Danny chuckled while touching it. “Its fine, thanks for asking.”

“Good, hey look I really didn’t want anything I was just thinking about you and needed…I mean wanted to hear your voice, feel close to you, you know?”

“I do know, Nick I’ve been thinking a lot about you too. I’m so glad you called, hey can you hold on a moment.” Danny got up from the sofa and motioned to Marshall that he would be right back. He walked into his bedroom and layed down on the bed.

“Ok, I’m back. Nick are you really alright, do you regret what happened today?”

"No…today for the first time I felt alive, I mean really alive. Kissing you made me feel free. It just felt so right holding you."

“I’m so glad to hear you say that, because I felt the same way. But like I said I don’t want to add any more pressure then what you are already going through, Trust me I know coming out is hard, it must be hell for you. You have a wife; she’s been your family Nick.”

“I know, but it’s time…I mean I’ve got to do this, I have to do what’s right.

Hey.” Danny ducked his head and bit his bottom lip. “It’s going to be alright, and I will be here for you when you need me, I won’t ask for more than you can or willing to give, Ok?”

“Really, you would do that for me?

“I would, I will.”

“Ok,” Nick whispered into the phone “Hey Danny, I have to go now.”

“Ok.” Danny sighed and was about to end the call when he heard Nick call his name.


Yes.” Danny answered with eagerness.

“Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Yes, and the day after that, and the day after that.” Danny laughed. “Bye Nick.”

“Bye Danny.” Nick hung up the phone feeling a little better, than reality hit him as he heard Lisa call him down for dinner.

“I’ll be right there.” Nick yelled as he made his way to the restroom to shower.

Danny hung up the phone and walked back into the living room where Marshall was waiting. He had stopped the movie and was looking somewhat annoyed.

Danny looked at the TV, “Hey thanks for pausing it, I’m ready now.” He resumed the position on the sofa.

“So that was –Lover boy-“Marshall made the quotes with his fingers in the air.

“Yeah, it was Nick.” Danny answered happily

“What is it about him?” Marshall asked with jealously in his voice.

“What do you mean, Marshall?”

“Nothing, just forget it.” Marshall hit the control to start the movie.

“No, I won’t forget it, you’re my friend, and I want to know why you have a problem with Nick and me.” Danny asked as he took the remote from Marshall’s hand and hit pause.

“What is it?”

Marshall sighed heavily looking down he spoke.

What’s wrong with me?”

“What? There’s nothing wrong with you, what do you mean?”

“Don’t you find me attractive?” Marshall pressed his lips together asking in all seriousness. Danny laughed until he saw his friend since childhood was serious.

“Marshall, babe of course I find you attractive, hell you’re a stud, but babe I see you as a friend, that’s all. Danny said sitting down next to Marshall.

Danny bumped his shoulder to Marshall's almost knocking him over. “I love you man, we have been though a lot together, hell man we have been thick as thieves. And yes I want something with Nick, but that doesn’t mean anything with us have to change.”

“But it will, you will have him and not need me anymore.”

“Are you crazy I will always need you.” Danny smile lowering his head trying to get Marshall to smile.

“Now I feel like an idiot, you know I have a crush on you.” Marshall said laughing embarrassingly.

“What, I have always known you had a crush on me, I just never said anything.” Danny placed his hand under Marshall’s chin and lifted his head to meet his eyes. “Be happy for me ok?” Danny gave a weak smile.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m a big boy, if I get hurt my friend will be there for me, right? Beside’s I feel he’s worth the risk.”

“And so are you.” Marshall said looking into Danny’s eyes. “Hey lets finish the movie I have to get up early tomorrow.” Marshall hit start on the remote control.

“Are we Ok?” Danny asked.


Danny smiled and curled back on the sofa, he grabbed his pillow, looked down at Marshall then back to the TV. “This is good.” He thought.

~*~*~*~around midnight

Tyler and Ashley ate leftover Ribs from dinner earlier and talked about life after a vigorous night of lovemaking.


Nick helped Lisa clean the kitchen after dinner. Lisa said she had paperwork to do and sent Nick upstairs. Nick popped in a movie and layer back against his pillow, he was not watching the movie at all, he was thinking about tomorrow, about Danny and about Lisa. He slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep


Danny let Marshall out after the movie finished. He turned off all the lights and looked out the window at the night.  He watched the cars passing by wondering where they were going, if they were alone or with a loved one, if they were happy or sad. He sighed not sure, if he was happy or sad. He walked in the darkness to his sofa; he grabbed his IPod put the buds in his ears and layed back. His thoughts drifted to Nick as Beyonce’s voice filled his ears.


This is just another day that I would spend
Waitin' for the right one.
Staring at the night and wishin' I could be the one
To feel the warm sun.
You're a dream, but I'm wide awake
I'm in Heaven, for heaven sakes
So get ready, (get ready) I'm ready now (get ready)
I could never need you more than now

You were worth waiting for
You the one that I adore
Hold on to me tight
For once in my life
You were worth waiting for
You the one that I adore
This kind of love you'll only find
Once in a lifetime, once in a lifetime

Tell me that your living in a place
Where no one else can find you.
Tell me that your sanging out my name,
Hoping that I'll hear you.
Tell me "No" and I'll fade away,
But this is lovin that I won't waste
So get ready, (get ready) I'm ready now (get ready)
I could never need you more than now

You were worth waiting for
You the one that I adore
hold on to me tight
For once in my life
You were worth waiting for
You the one that I adore
This kind of love you'll only find
Once in a lifetime, once in a lifetime

What are the words, I'm needin' to hear
How do I know if I'll ever love again
Seeing your face makes everything clear (clear) clear
And I will never be the same

You were worth waiting for
You the one that I adore
hold on to me tight
For once in my life
You were worth waiting for
You the one that I adore
This kind of love you'll only find
Once in a lifetime, once in a lifetime


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