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Modern High - 26. Chapter 22 -- Attempted Suicide

In this chapter, Zach will attempted suicide. It's sad all the way through this chapter. There is one part that is funny.

Also, guess what my sister's cat like to do to me?

Bite me and claw me! I think he thinks that I am his property. Ugh, cats! lol

Enjoy, Remijay <3

Modern High

Chapter 22

Attempted Suicide

 

(This chapter is going to be multi-character... Just expect it to change) (This chapter will deal with teen suicide attempts. If by any chance this subject matter is disagreeable please do not read) (I strongly disagree with suicide attempts or the belief’s of someone that does. However, in doing ‘this’ chapter I strongly believe it is the best way for my character to explain what his emotional pain is about...) Sincerely, Remijay *Author*

 

*@* Dairy Entry 4

Well, what can I say? Life right now is just trying to fuck me over. I can’t blame this all on Jacob, God knows that. I knew what was going on. I knew that he was doing something, but to actually find out the way I did... come on.

I love Jacob with every fiber of my being, but I just can’t trust him anymore. Would anyone, actually? I didn’t think so. Anyway, things have been going wrong for a while now. Let’s just put it this way, it started out with Jacob cheating on me with Thomas when we were on vacation. Then it started to accelerate when Nathan tried to get me to have sex with Thomas to get even, how ironic right? It didn’t work out, I was mad with them all. However, I got over that. And here we are back in Miami, still having the same old problems. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I want to know something; how do Nathan and Nichole handle their relationship? How do they get through the arguments and fights? How do they seem to make up and still be, I don’t know, together? So jealous, right?

As I was saying, everything has changed since that night when we went to the Halloween party. Jacob just had to cheat, he just couldn’t say NO and be done with it, and now here we are, going through the same fucking thing. However, instead of Thomas and him, it’s Toby and him. I’m starting to think that he has an obsession with the names that start with the letter T!

I might want to end this diary entry before I start to say SHIT that I might regret.

Sincerely,

Zachary Martin

*@*

One might say my life isn’t boring or normal, it’s complicated and muffled with things that are happening. I wish things didn’t happen as they did. I wish I could just turn back time. However, I can’t, but I still want too.

“Zach, are you up?” My Mother asks from behind my door. Normally she wouldn’t come to my door unless she felt that she needed to.

Regrettably, I reply, “Yea, Ma. What’s up?” I was sitting on my bed with the blanket wrapped around my lap, protecting my mid-section from view. Also, I had my dairy open, showing my recent entry.

When she opens the door, the first thing that I saw was her sad looking eyes, before they went to the floor. This hurt me to see my mother like this, what happened to the happy and giddy mother that I'm so used to seeing? Does she know what has been happening to me? Does she know what I've been through?

Clearing my throat I ask, “What’s the matter?” She doesn’t reply right away. This concerns me even more. After sitting down on my bed, she looks at me with puffy red eyes, almost on the verge of tears. It really did hurt me to see her like this.

Pulling up the blanket a little bit more, I lean forward and rest my hand on her forearm. Encouraging her to talk with me, however, instead she just sighs. “Mom?” I ask softly, but again she doesn’t reply.

“Zach...” She stops there. I don’t know what to say or even what to do at this point. I feel as if I’m a rat trying to finish a race, the reward - cheese. “I want to know something...” Again she stops, the race continues. “I want to know, what has been happening to you. What made you be this way,” Is she really asking me this? As if my life wasn’t full enough, I had to add this to the list...

“Mom,” I sigh, trying to consider how to actually, begin a conversation like this one, or even how to postpone it. “Honestly, Mom, I have no clue how my life got this way. I don’t even know how to go about telling it, but I'll try for you...” I rubbed her arm, because I knew this telling wasn’t going to be pretty.

“Just try your best, whatever you have done... I’ll figure out a way to move past it.” My always-loving mother; isn’t she just... just awesome?

“Let’s start at the beginning, where I met Toby...” I shuddered remembering that day, and the days that followed. “He was perfect in every way possible, Ma.” I giggled. “Toby was like a god to me, he even treated me as if I were his prince.” I smiled at that, because he really did, in the beginning. “Then things started to change, he had a darker side, a meaner side. One that I wished stayed in the shadows. However, it reared its ugly head, and things started to crumble apart. He did things and told some things, and well Mom, he outed me to the whole school...” A tear escaped my eye, rolling down my cheek. That whole week was hell, and what I did with the football team was even worse, even though I did like it, somewhat.

“Oh, Zachary...” My mom hugged me tight, but I pushed her lightly away. This story was far from at its end; it was just getting to the middle.

“Ma, there’s more. Lots more...” I told her everything that has happened to me, I told her things I wished I didn’t; mothers are never supposed to know about their sons having sex and with whom. However, I told her. It wasn’t so bad, she smiled a few times, and laughed at others, but in the end, it felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

However, I was still depressed and angered at Jacob for what he had done, and is still doing. All last night I wondered why he had wanted to tell me the things that he was supposed to have said in the beginning.

It still made me feel hatred for one Toby Smith, too. Why did he want to hurt me so badly? Why did he want what I had, and, of all things, make Jacob cheat on me again? Thinking these things was making me fall even deeper into depression. Thoughts turned into imagination, and they turned into horrible things, things that I wouldn’t do to anyone.

 

 

After reaching below my bed, and dragging out my secret, I took it and held it, blade tip to skin. It freaked me out enough to make me stop and think, think about everything. In consideration of my life and others, I didn’t feel like ending my life through a blade, it would be a huge mistake if my mother found me this way. Not just her, either. There were friends, best friends at that. that loved me enough to help me overcome many things.

Putting the knife away, back into its hidden place, I dressed for the day, opting for a plain but pretty look, one that would surely get me noticed. Walking into the bathroom, I looked into the mirror, trying to make out what I liked about myself, but sadly, I couldn’t think of anything. From there I walked down the hall to the stairs, this is where I imagined myself falling down them, breaking numerous bones. Shaking my head, I walked down them, slowly, I might add.

“Zach, you ready?” my mother asked from the kitchen. How does she know these things?

“Yea, I’m ready," I say, then add in a whisper, "Ready to end my life.”

 

After giving my mother a kiss on the cheek and a hug to last all day, I walk outside, preparing to go to school. My apprehension increases as I get on my bike and get closer, closer to school. I felt the air whip through my hair, as I thought of all the things that I have accomplished, and those I have yet to complete. I thought of my sweet and still loving Prince Jacob, as I closed the gap between us. I was also still loathing the decision he had made between Toby and me.

When I got there, the school was abuzz, with people yelling laughing, screaming, hooting, and most of all, saying, "Awe, isn’t that cute." Yuck! People these days, but I also wondered what made them act this way for the second time this year. Chaining up my bike, I walked towards the groups of people; most people, however, moved out of my way, they were still afraid of me, as if I had the plague or some shit like that. Nearing the doors, I spotted Nathan and Nichole. They were acting like they were guarding the door from the teenagers.

“Hey, guys what’s up?” I ask.

“Oh, oh... Zach, you’re here. Um, come with me.” Nathan, shocking as ever, pulled me away from the doors and over to the side of the building, where we were out of other’s ear range. However, he didn’t say anything. It was as if he just did this to delay me from going in there.

“What’s up, Nathan?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Nothing, why do you ask?”

“Nathan!” I say more sternly now

“Zach, look. I just wanted you away from all that, that’s all.” Right.

“Sure, it was Nathan.” I turned around and marched my way through the groups of teenagers, who now, didn’t want to move. Pushing my way through, I finally got to the door. Smoothing out my clothes, I took a deep breath before I yanked open the door. A blast of warm air hit me, making me sigh Walking a little bit past the doors, where the teenagers still wanted to yell and scream, I didn’t understand why no teachers, or the principle for that matter, didn’t break up the rally outside. Shrugging my shoulders, I move forward a little bit more.

However, when I got to my hallway, there stood Toby and someone. That someone was covered by Toby, his make-out skills are improving, especially the way that someone was moaning from kissing him (shudder). Shaking my head I move around them. My curiosity got the better of me as I passed them, looking over at them, even though it like totally grossed me out to see him kissing someone, yuck. I peeked at them and what I saw was my boyfriend and Toby embraced, Toby pinning him up against his locker, while Jacob had his arms wrapped around Toby’s strong shoulder muscles that flexed every time he ground his lower half into my Jacob.

“I can’t fucking believe this shit!” I scream at them. Making them both move apart so fast, that I had to blink.

“What do you mean?” Toby asked as a smile came upon his flawless face, the face that I so wanted to fuck up.

“You know what the fuck I mean, asshole!” I spat at him. The smiled faded.

“Guy’s maybe we shouldn’t...”

“Shouldn’t what Jacob? Huh, what... It looked like you were having the time of your time kissing this fuck face.”

“Zach, you don’t want keep going man, I’m warning you...” Toby said from beside me.

“And what the fuck are you going to do, Toby, huh, kick my ass? Go for it, I dare you!” I spit my words in his face.

“Guys... GUYS!” Jacob yelled from beside us. “Don’t fight, ok?”

“Jacob, I love you with every fiber of my being, and if I can’t have you, neither can this asshole.” I swung on Toby, catching him slightly off guard. However, he recovered quickly enough and slammed my slim body against the locker, leaving a dent. I kicked him in the shin, making him go down to one knee. Then I brought my knee up to his nose. Toby’s body went backwards, landing with a thud; he stayed there.

“Zach, why did you do that?” Jacob asked as he ran over to Toby. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing; he’s hovering over his body, his hands searching for a pulse. What the fuck just happened?

“Jacob?” He turned his head towards me, with anger in his eyes, and with tears running down his cheeks, his cute cheeks that I loved to kiss. “I can’t believe you did this Zach, I hate you.” He spoke so quietly that I had to strain to hear him.

After he spoke those words to me, I back-stepped a few times before I turned around and ran from the building. I ran right into Nathan and Nichole, their eyes were puffy, with fresh tears running from them. If I hadn't walked away from them, I would have started to cry also, but I couldn’t. The adrenaline rush from kicking Toby’s ass felt too damn good, and I seriously didn’t want to look like more of a pansy in front of the whole school again. I unlocked my bike and headed as fast as I could for my house.

**

My hands shook with nervousness, and temptation. Here I stood in my room, trying to overcome what just happened. As my throat choked with sobs, I sat at my desk, preparing to write four short letters to the people I love, the ones who were there for me when I most needed them, the ones who cared enough to put me first.

The first letter was to my mother:

Dear Mom,

I know this might seem hard for you to understand and to put into words, but I feel that I can’t carry on like this anymore, I wanted to be strong for you, and be there for you when you needed me, but I couldn’t and I’m sorry for that.

However, Mom, I love you and you are the greatest mother ever. You might be wondering why I couldn’t have told you everything before I decided to do this, but I just couldn’t put into words what Jacob had done to me. We spoke this morning, but those were only words, I hope in time you will forgive me.

I love you greatly, Mom, and I always will.

With love,

Zachary Lewis Martin <3

The second letter went to Nathan, he knew exactly what was going on but it still hurt to put it in words, my greatest of friends:

Nathan, I know this might come as shock to you, or it might not. But I love you, man, with every fiber of my being. You were there for me more times than I can count. We grew up together, played together and stayed together, I wish it didn’t have to come to this, but I see no way around the huge hole in my heart. Please, tell everyone that I did this because I wasn’t strong enough. Also, that I loved everyone that we met or hung with.

You will find my body at the playground where we used to play when we were kids. I know it’s chickening out, but it’s also taking the hurt out of living. I still love you greatly, even after the things we've been through.

With love,

Zachary Lewis Martin <3

The third letter that I wrote was to Nichole, she would probably hate me for I am about to do, but she’ll get over it eventually... hopefully:

Hi Sweetheart,

If you’re reading this then you know that I loved you greatly, and with that came a lot of responsibility. LOL. It might also come as a shock to you that I actually went through with it. I can’t blame you for being pissed at me, but you shouldn’t. I think you should be happy that I’m not hurting anymore. (Sniffle) Also, you can’t blame Jacob, even though I know you’re going to.

If you’re with Nathan, than I suggest that you hug him hard, because it’s going to kill him that he couldn’t save me from death. Please take good care of him, and love him with everything you have.

I love you Nichole,

Zachary Lewis Martin.

The fourth letter had me in major tears, the one person that I gave my heart to, ripped it from me. I put all my emotions into Jacob’s letter.

Jacob,

You know that I love you, even in death. I love you with everything that we shared and should have completed together. We were made for each other. What changed? What made you do what you did?

You ripped my heart out of me, and with that came my life. I can’t live without you in my life. I loved you too much. Do you remember that first day we met? I bumped into you in the church parking lot, we stared at each other for what felt like eternity... I remember that day fondly.

With everything that we have been through and done, I can’t believe we didn’t make it as a couple. I can’t believe that I have failed you as a boyfriend. Do you have any regrets about what you have done?

Do you remember that night that we went to the lake, and made love together? I can still taste your orgasm on my tongue, and remember it fondly. The way you arched your back and moaned so greatly, that night was awesome and I wish we could have made it, I so wish that I could have made it.

I love you Jacob with everything. I hope you live long and happy. **Hugz—Kizzes**

Love you,

Zachary Lewis Martin.

As I finished the last letter, my hand couldn’t lift from the paper. It felt as if my life was draining out of me, as if my body knew what was about to happen. My mood was utter disappoint and regret, remorse and sorrow. When I folded up the letters and stuffed them into my back pocket, I got up with the greatest of sighs. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, but it did no good, tears still ran out of them like faucets.

Walking down the stairs and to the front door, I reached into my back pocket and got out my mother’s letter. She wouldn’t know what to do if I weren’t here. Setting the letter on the end table, I looked once more at my home, my life, and everything in between. As I sniffled back more snot and tears, I opened the front door.

I went to the garage where my father’s rope hung on the wall; I wasn’t allowed to touch it. As I grabbed the rope, it spoke to me, “Why, Zachary? Why do this to yourself?” It scared the shit out of me, but I didn’t move. Thinking of my father hurt more than losing my heart. However, I still took the rope with great pride and strode up the street.

Making my way towards Jacob’s house, and remembering when we first met, and the first kiss. I stopped at the corner where we ran into each other only three months ago and shared that heavenly kiss. Touching my fingertips to my lips, I recalled how we were busted. It was awesome; I love my friends so much.

Blinking back more tears, I resumed walking. I remember that night we shared together; I remember the morning after getting caught, hah, the look on Jacob’s face; priceless. He looked so innocent, and so embarrassed. It was the one time that I thought he truly was mine. Reaching his block took everything that I had, because when I touched his letter, I shuddered. When I reached his house, I wanted to faint. I wanted to run and never come back, but I had to. The hurt of losing him was too much... I miss him already.

Slipping the letter into his mailbox and turning away, it killed me a little bit more, but walking away did it for me. I knew that I wouldn’t see his smiling face, or hear his laugh, or even watch his sparkling eyes light up when he sees me. Smirking at it now made me feel just a little better.

 

**

“Jacob?” Toby squeaked out my name, what Zach did was uncalled for. However, I so wanted to kick Toby in the head for everything he has done, or ever did to Zach or me. I wanted to keep kicking him until he stopped moving, but I knew that it would be wrong of me, even more wrong than what Toby is doing to me. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of telling the whole school, that I too am a fag.

I simply walked away from him, without a single glance back or a 'See ya.' Walking out the front door, there stood the whole school, watching me. The fear of people knowing about me, had me paralyzed, the fright of people calling me names and yelling at me, it terrified me, but I had to this for no other reason than to say that I actually did something. Also, to clarify that I am in love with the boy of my dreams, Zachary Lewis Martin.

“Will you people shut the fuck up,” I demanded. They actually looked a little stunned at me, for saying that, but I wasn’t done. After they quieted down a little bit, I took a deep breath and said what came to mind, “You people might have seen what just took place, well it wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing, it has been building for quite some time now. You see, Zach got picked on and called names, plus other unmentionable things that Toby Smith has done to him.

**

 

When Zach left the school, it was still ablaze with people gossiping about the latest. Nichole and I had seen everything, from Zach confronting Jacob and Toby, to Zach punching Toby in the jaw. It was awesome to see my best friend fight the school’s bully. Finally, something that should have happened a long time ago, happened today. I smiled inward about what he did.

“Nichole, what do you think is going to happen now?” I had ask, if for no other reason than to ask her if everything we saw was real or not.

“Baby, I don’t know. However, I do know that if we don’t stop Zach he’s going to do something. Let’s go, alright?”

“Yea, he’s got to be miserable.” As we ran off the school’s lot, we heard people gasp from behind us; they finally got to see what my best friend has done to their hero.

**

 

“However, I stand before you because Toby has been blackmailing me into things that I wouldn’t normally do. If you guys haven’t realized by now, or haven’t even considered it, then you guys are morons. Toby Smith is a fag, just like Zach and me, so instead of the name calling, or the yelling, the pushing, you guys should just think about what it would do to the people who have to suffer from it...” No-one said anything, the silence was deafening. But the moment didn’t last; one by one everyone started to speak. And everything they said was about Toby and how he lied to everyone.

**

Near Nathan’s house, I stopped; it hurt too much to continue. I had to take a break. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to give up my friends and family, to make the hurt stop, knowing full well that I couldn’t come back from death? Shaking my head, I lifted myself off the mailbox and made myself move.

When I finally got up enough nerve, I put both letters into Nathan’s mailbox. From there I walked miserably down the road to the playground where Nathan and I played as kids. Memories flooded my mind as I thought of the cheerful days when we were younger, the happier moments of our adolescence. I sniffled back a sob that wanted to escape my throat. How did it get so bad, how did it get to where I wanted to cut off the painful hole that wanted to expand in my heart? When did I ever actually consider offing myself?

Sitting down on the bridge that overlooked the park, I thought of my many memories of everyone...

**

“Where do you think he is? Nichole!” I screeched out. Where was my best friend?

“I don’t know, Nathan... I hope he’s alright though...” Nichole looked on the verge of tears, I know she loves Zach dearly, but how can I tell her that he went to end his hurting? I couldn’t do that to her, I just couldn’t.

“Let’s go to your place, maybe he’s there?” Nichole suggested.

We ran as fast as we could to my house, reaching it seemed like forever. I forgot how long it took just by running, but at least we got here. However, what I saw when we finally stopped, was a plain white envelope hanging out of my mailbox.

Looking at the thing had me stalling; I didn’t want to read what was surely my best friend’s death note. I didn’t want to face the truth. I couldn’t.

“Nathan?” Nichole lightly set her hand upon my shoulder, it was a really sweet gesture, but one that brought a tear to my eye. My best friend... He was... He was going to... to kill himself.

“Nathan?” Nichole asked again, but I still didn’t have enough energy to speak. Pointing to the white letter was the only thing that I could do. She let me fall to my knees, as she slowly walked to the box. As the first of many tears fell, and I still on my knees, Nichole handed me a letter, from him, my best friend.

“Ohmygod, Nathan. No, he can’t. NO!” Her eyes glistened over with tears as she sank just like me. She sat right next to me, as I pulled open the letter.

Nathan, I know this might come as shock to you, or it might not. But I love you, man, with every fiber of my being. You were there for me more times than I can count. We grew up together, played together and stayed together, I wish it didn’t have to come to this, but I see no way around the huge hole in my heart. Please, tell everyone that I did this because I wasn’t strong enough. Also, that I loved everyone that we met or hung with.

You will find my body at the playground where we used to play when we were kids. I know it’s chickening out, but it’s also taking the hurt out of living. I still love you greatly, even after the things we've been through.

With love,

Zachary Lewis Martin <3

I screamed out at the pain of what my friend wrote; if he dies then I wouldn’t have anything to live for. I wouldn’t have anyone to protect, I wouldn’t have my... my best friend. “Nichole, go inside. Hit speed dial number one for my mother and then hurry up and hit speed dial number two for Zach’s mom. GO NOW!” I screamed out at her. She got up and ran to my house. “Oh, god, I hope I’m not late...” Getting up, I ran down the block, opening my phone, I hit 911. When a lovely sounding women answered she said, “Hello, 911 what is the emergency?”

“My... My best... best friend, he’s... he’s going to-”

“Sir, take a deep breath, please,” she said patiently.

Ugh, fucking people! Don’t they know it's killing me?

“My best friend, Zach. He’s going to... to kill himself!” I screamed into the phone, as I ran down the remaining block.

“Ok, sir. What’s his name?” she asked.

“His name is Zachary Martin, hurry up. I don’t know if he’s even alive still...”

"Sir, where is he located?"

"He left a note saying I could find his body at Parkland Heights Playground."

“Alright sir, stay on the phone, I’m going to call for an ambulance and back up.”

“Whatever!”

**

"Hello, Sarah Wayland."

“Hello, Mrs. Wayland, this is Nichole. Look, something is about to happen. You need to leave work now. This is not a joke.”

“Why, what’s happening?” Sarah answered in a worried voice.

“It’s Zach... He’s, oh god. He’s going to... to kill...”

“Alright, hun. Sit down, take a deep breath. Explain to me what’s going on.”

“Zach is going to kill himself... Please, hurry,” Nichole said in shaky voice, on the verge on losing it.

“Alright, I’m leaving right now... Call Zach’s mom, she needs to know. And also, I love you. Stay by Nathan.”

“I will... Please hurry,” Nichole said as she hung up the phone. The next person she called, she didn’t know if she could speak.

"Hello, this is Mary."

“Mrs. Martin?”

“Hello, Nichole. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Zach.”

“Oh god. What’s going on?”

“He got into a fight at... at school... Zach, he... he left school, he then... went home...”

“Nichole, please calm down. You’re scaring me...” Mrs. Martin said to Nichole.

“Look, Mrs. Martin. You don’t have a lot of time... Zach, he’s going to... to,”

“To what?” my mother’s voice shook as she said that

“He’s going to kill... kill...”

“Alright, hun. Stay right there, do not move, do not do anything. I’m... I’m on my way.”

Mrs. Martin threw down the phone, with a clank. Nichole heard her say, “Get the fuck out of my way, my son’s going to kill himself!” And that’s the last Nichole heard before she too hung up. Nichole let the phone slip from her fingertips, as she sat numb, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

**

“Zach, I’m coming... Please, still be alive, you selfish son-a-of-bitch!” Nathan said as he ran as fast as he could to get to me.

**

I swung the rope over the lowest tree branch, right next to the bridge. It had a noose on the end of it; I remembered how to make it from when I was in the boy scouts at eight years old. Learning how to make it really paid off. As I did the loop test pull, I heard my name being called from somewhere down below; I didn’t care enough to actually look. I gave that up when I finally decided to kill myself.

Pulling the noose over my head and around my neck, getting on the edge of the bridge, I looked down, which freaked me out. However, I sighed and silently prayed that the people in my life would forgive me, and I hoped that my soul wouldn’t go to hell.

Then I jumped.

**

When I got up the top of the bridge, Zach was standing there looking down. I rushed to him as he jumped. “Zach!” I screamed.

I reached for the rope as his body hung in mid-air, but the branch broke as I grasped it. It ripped out of my hand as it plummeted towards the water below. Running down the bridge and into the water, I dragged Zach’s body out of the water and onto the bank. Where I undid the rope around his neck and felt for his pulse, he had a faint heartbeat.

**

“My baby, NO!” my mother yelled from behind Nathan. She knelt down beside him, as she took my body into her arms.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Martin. I didn’t get here in time...”

“No, no... It’s fine. You did everything you could, it isn’t your fault.” My mother patted his arm as he cried out, sobbing in uncontrollable screams.

After the paramedics took Zach away in the ambulance, I went home to collect some things. When I got there a note was standing on the end table, I knew it had to be from Zach. Reaching for it hurt like hell, but I still took it into my fingers and read what my son had written.

Dear Mom,

I know this might seem hard for you to understand and to put into words, but I feel that I can’t carry on like this anymore, I wanted to be strong for you, and be there for you when you needed me, but I couldn’t and I’m sorry for that.

I stopped reading the letter, my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn’t read it. Folding the letter back up, I went into the kitchen and sat there, calming myself before I continued to read.

However, Mom, I love you and you are the greatest mother ever. You might be wondering why I couldn’t have told you everything before I decided to do this, but I just couldn’t put into words what Jacob had done to me. We spoke this morning, but those were only words, I hope in time you will forgive me.

I love you greatly, Mom, and I always will.

With love,

Zachary Lewis Martin <3

I reread the letter six times before I put it down. There I sat in a daze. Wishing that I knew the reasons behind my son’s suicide attempt, wishing that I still had him here, wanting him here with me.

The phone rang from beside me, making me jump. I answered the phone and said, “Hello?”

“Mary?” My husband Kenneth spoke.

“Oh God, Ken, it’s so good to hear from you. Where have you been?”

“Around... What’s wrong?” he asked me. He always knew when something was wrong with me; I guess that’s why I fell in love with him in the first place.

“It’s Zach; he tried to commit suicide, earlier today...”

“NO!” he screamed. I knew how he felt, “Is he?”

“No, thankfully. However, he’s in coma right now. The doctors say they don’t when he’ll wake up...”

“I’m coming back on the first flight out,” he stated.

“From where?”

“New York.”

“When you get here, I’ll have to fill you in on a lot of things. Things you might not want to hear.

“I’ll listen, but just don’t get mad at me if I don’t understand, alright?”

“Yea.”

 

TBC

 

Author’s Note

 

A lot of things happened in this chapter. I want to say again that, I do not condone suicide. I hope that the readers understand the emotions and the details I put into this chapter. If by any chance I did hurt peoples' feelings, I wish to say I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t intended.

Any concerns or worries, please feel free to write me. Or Review. The forum is back up and running. Thank you, Remijay <3 ((Hugz)) Take Care and Be Safe!

Please, Comment, Review, and vote. Thank you, Remijay

Also the forum is open again. Write in there if you wish.

This Story is in no way shape or form to be sold, or used for a persons benefit. The characters and places in this story are made fiction, meaning they are not real and if by chance they're then its pearly coincidentally. This story is copyrighted, if you want to copy it please send me a pm, yes i know sometimes its too late to write but a pm or a msg would be great.<br /><br />This story is Written by me Remijay and the Year is 2010, well not in the story, but the year i wrote it. Thanks again. <br /><br />Also, this story has multiple sex partners, there are group sex occasionally but not always. There will be underage sex of two or more male on male sex. So if you dont like that, please turn away from this story and read something else. Remijay <3
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Chapter Comments

Hey Remijay.

Just wanted to say congrats on a good chapter. I'm still a bit upset by this story, especially since this chapter covers a topic dear to many people's hearts. It is a shame how Toby constantly uses other individuals for his own satisfaction; this is something very typically in high schools today though (so I'll give you that :P). Nonetheless, I felt that your transition from the last chapter to this chapter still portrays Jacob as an immature character. Here's the problem: Jacob demonstrates remorse in the last chapter after getting caught making out/hooking up with Toby. Jacob then contemplates about his relationship with Zach, yet still hooks up with Toby because he has "better sex" even though it's not the same as when he's having sex with Zach. This confuses me because a character like Jacob who's gone through so much in life should and DOES know better then that, yet you make his character to be brutally vein. While I know the story will have a happy sad ending, I just want you to understand my frustration with the outline of the story and its falsehood. There's not really a lot of truth and merit to the situations. I cannot vastly recall any stories/stituations/rumours of the same calibre as the relationship triangle shared between Zach, Jacob, and Toby. I hope you will consider modifying your remaining chapters to portray how youths in today's "Modern High" society actually overcome these sexuality barriers. A student like Zach with his nuermous friends does not receive that much bullying. Ask any educator or psychologists and you will actually find out that the individuals who are bullied are typically lonely individuals, without any or very few friends. As such, and I know I'm repeating myself here, but the main point is that I think you still have a chance of salvaging the remainder of the story line and to provide a more "positive" scope into the problems gay youths face today and how they actually OVERCOME these challenges. To be honest, you don't hear many heterosexual relationships having one partner commit suicide because their partner cheats; so why does it apply to homosexuals?

 

Additionally, a few constructive criticisms if you don't mind :D

1) I've noticed that you have a tendency to skip over the details in some critical points in your chapters. For example, if this chapter was intended to focus on Zach's struggle to commit suicide, I would imagine there be a greater emphasis on his application and process of hanging himself and how he felt as he jumped instead of moving forward to having Nathan and his mother find him. I realize you attempted to induce some climax and suspence, but I personally felt more details should be provided.

2) This chapter explained the complex relationship between Nathan and Zach. In fact, the complex web between the characters was better revealed in this chapter. However, it seems odd that Nathan and Zach would have such a strong relationship, yet Nathan would not stand up for Zach and do the right thing. If you are interested in knowing a bit about psychology, read up on "cognitive dissonance" which demonstrates that with Nathan's self conflicts about not knowing how to help Zach, he would actually attempt to reduce his dissonance by taking action, or take various other steps to reduce the problem between him and Zach.

Regardless, it was a good chapter, and I hope you take some of my ideas into consideration because I would hate for this story to end in any form of tragedy.

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One thing bothers me..

In last chapter Jacob was sorry for everything yet in this chapter he again hook up with Toby and takes his side..

I don't know in what way you want to present Jacob but all you do ( at least for me) is that I think of him even more bad things..from everything I just think that he doesn't love Zach, better yet he never loved him..All that how he is sorry and trying to apologize to Zach is just bullshit in my opinion..As I sad in previous reviews ...Jacob doesn't know what love is, he jumps in bed with first guy he can..I see him in that way...And that blackmailing ..it's not like he couldn't blackmail Toby with the same thing, and he didn't need to have sex with him..so that proves just that he actually liked sex with Toby and how much of a liar he is..

As of Zach..just forget about Jacob..he is not worth it..

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On 11/16/2011 06:13 AM, rogi24g said:
One thing bothers me..

In last chapter Jacob was sorry for everything yet in this chapter he again hook up with Toby and takes his side..

I don't know in what way you want to present Jacob but all you do ( at least for me) is that I think of him even more bad things..from everything I just think that he doesn't love Zach, better yet he never loved him..All that how he is sorry and trying to apologize to Zach is just bullshit in my opinion..As I sad in previous reviews ...Jacob doesn't know what love is, he jumps in bed with first guy he can..I see him in that way...And that blackmailing ..it's not like he couldn't blackmail Toby with the same thing, and he didn't need to have sex with him..so that proves just that he actually liked sex with Toby and how much of a liar he is..

As of Zach..just forget about Jacob..he is not worth it..

Awe, thanks... Things will be changing, chapter 23 just got completed, so wait a week and i will post it... Also, im glad that you're reading along...

 

Thank you

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On 11/15/2011 03:14 PM, said:
Hey Remijay.

Just wanted to say congrats on a good chapter. I'm still a bit upset by this story, especially since this chapter covers a topic dear to many people's hearts. It is a shame how Toby constantly uses other individuals for his own satisfaction; this is something very typically in high schools today though (so I'll give you that :P). Nonetheless, I felt that your transition from the last chapter to this chapter still portrays Jacob as an immature character. Here's the problem: Jacob demonstrates remorse in the last chapter after getting caught making out/hooking up with Toby. Jacob then contemplates about his relationship with Zach, yet still hooks up with Toby because he has "better sex" even though it's not the same as when he's having sex with Zach. This confuses me because a character like Jacob who's gone through so much in life should and DOES know better then that, yet you make his character to be brutally vein. While I know the story will have a happy sad ending, I just want you to understand my frustration with the outline of the story and its falsehood. There's not really a lot of truth and merit to the situations. I cannot vastly recall any stories/stituations/rumours of the same calibre as the relationship triangle shared between Zach, Jacob, and Toby. I hope you will consider modifying your remaining chapters to portray how youths in today's "Modern High" society actually overcome these sexuality barriers. A student like Zach with his nuermous friends does not receive that much bullying. Ask any educator or psychologists and you will actually find out that the individuals who are bullied are typically lonely individuals, without any or very few friends. As such, and I know I'm repeating myself here, but the main point is that I think you still have a chance of salvaging the remainder of the story line and to provide a more "positive" scope into the problems gay youths face today and how they actually OVERCOME these challenges. To be honest, you don't hear many heterosexual relationships having one partner commit suicide because their partner cheats; so why does it apply to homosexuals?

 

Additionally, a few constructive criticisms if you don't mind :D

1) I've noticed that you have a tendency to skip over the details in some critical points in your chapters. For example, if this chapter was intended to focus on Zach's struggle to commit suicide, I would imagine there be a greater emphasis on his application and process of hanging himself and how he felt as he jumped instead of moving forward to having Nathan and his mother find him. I realize you attempted to induce some climax and suspence, but I personally felt more details should be provided.

2) This chapter explained the complex relationship between Nathan and Zach. In fact, the complex web between the characters was better revealed in this chapter. However, it seems odd that Nathan and Zach would have such a strong relationship, yet Nathan would not stand up for Zach and do the right thing. If you are interested in knowing a bit about psychology, read up on "cognitive dissonance" which demonstrates that with Nathan's self conflicts about not knowing how to help Zach, he would actually attempt to reduce his dissonance by taking action, or take various other steps to reduce the problem between him and Zach.

Regardless, it was a good chapter, and I hope you take some of my ideas into consideration because I would hate for this story to end in any form of tragedy.

Wow. Everytime you post, it makes sense and i do agree with you... In chapter 23 i had Zach and Jacob think about their relationship with each other... I do feel that the rest of the chapters can be saved if i just apply myself to them...

 

There is alot of emotion to 23....So look for it... And thanks again for the review. It's nice to see.

 

Remijay

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Damn...I've got tears running down my face. What an emotional chapter. I still don't know how Jacob could be sorry one minute and hurting Zach the next.

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On 02/28/2014 04:26 PM, Gene63 said:
Damn...I've got tears running down my face. What an emotional chapter. I still don't know how Jacob could be sorry one minute and hurting Zach the next.
Thank you for the feedback. Yes, this story is a little confusing. I was in a state of mind when i wrote the first book. And then, for the convergence i didn't post them right. Anyway, i hoped you fully liked my story. :)
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