Poetry - 1. Poem 1

11 minutes ago, Headstall said:

Great work... evocative. I love "skittering tinkle."

 

Your poem took me to my little section of woods, where I hear laughter and conversations in the nature surrounding me. For me, those sounds heal my wounds. I'm curious... was the book mentioned Outlander?

Thank you.  I'm happy it took you to a good place. 

And yes.  Its one of the Outlander books I reference. (can't remember which number.....maybe the 4th one?) I've read them all many many times. I'm thrilled you picked up on it. 

5 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

Taken together, these meditations on laughter and sound and silence left me needing quiet time to think and digest. So many phrases captured my mind; skittering tinkle, God’s laughter, expressions manipulated into fortress walls.  Well done. 

That something I've written gives another person cause to pause and reflect is amazing. And I take it as very high praise.  

Thanks for letting me know how it came across. 

I think I'm better at poetry than stories lol 

First and foremost, I'm very glad you decided to share your poetry with us. As you can tell, we are all looking forward to reading what you have to say. 

In terms of this poem, I really do find it profoundly sad. Other reviewers have not said that, but I do. It's the type of sadness connected perfectly to the small noise (or silence) of the poem's theme. The conclusion is crushing for me. I'm not sure drowning men don't hear their own voices screaming in their heads, droning out the little voice of God you write about. But, I'm not sure. 

Additionally, this wonderful poem puts me in mind of some big-time writers and how they've written about similar understandings of man's place in creation. I won't quote them here, but the links will show you the text I have in mind. 

https://www.azquotes.com/public/picture_quotes/33/69/33698891d5c9d614fbce78c10abb4d0e/herman-melville-606151.jpg

https://quotefancy.com/media/wallpaper/3840x2160/4873859-Herman-Melville-Quote-All-Profound-things-and-emotions-of-things.jpg

Awesome. I do hope you share more of your poetry with us. 

3 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

First and foremost, I'm very glad you decided to share your poetry with us. As you can tell, we are all looking forward to reading what you have to say. 

 

In terms of this poem, I really do find it profoundly sad. Other reviewers have not said that, but I do. It's the type of sadness connected perfectly to the small noise (or silence) of the poem's theme. The conclusion is crushing for me. I'm not sure drowning men don't hear their own voices screaming in their heads, droning out the little voice of God you write about. But, I'm not sure. 

 

Additionally, this wonderful poem puts me in mind of some big-time writers and how they've written about similar understandings of man's place in creation. I won't quote them here, but the links will show you the text I have in mind. 

 

https://www.azquotes.com/public/picture_quotes/33/69/33698891d5c9d614fbce78c10abb4d0e/herman-melville-606151.jpg

 

https://quotefancy.com/media/wallpaper/3840x2160/4873859-Herman-Melville-Quote-All-Profound-things-and-emotions-of-things.jpg

 

Awesome. I do hope you share more of your poetry with us. 

Wow.  Thank you. I must say sharing it so far has been beyond my expectations. 

And as for the tone, I'll admit that When I first wrote this, depression was enmeshed in every part of me.  Everything was dark and empty, until it wasn't. Then it was dark and terrifyingly full. Too full, and it swept me under.  But quietly.  

And sometimes I think we all face that deeply scary quiet place, where the tiniest sound cracks across and ruins you. 

Thank you for the comments.  I'm amazed at how others are getting into this piece. 

51 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

"Such a tiny thing. It fills up my existence

and it shatters me completely."

 

You've written several powerful lines in this poem. This stanza really stands out to me. It exemplifies how one seemingly insignificant word / sound /phrase can trigger an unexpected emotional response, surprising even oneself. 

 

This is a great piece, thank for sharing it.

Thank you for reading it.  I'm glad you liked it.  

Sometimes it's not a big thing that breaks us.  Its the last tiny shard in a parade of small hurts.