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The Saga Continues.... IFFY LUBE! By Nevin Jefferson The Center for Disease Control is trying bend us over and slap on a glob of Iffy Lube before giving us the mind f**k of a contradiction. On Tuesday, November 8th , the CDC had their very own Dr. Douglas announce the following: "Syphilis has increased 8 percent during 2003-2004. This increase has occurred among all racial groups. The rate among African-American men rose 22.6 percent. But between blacks the rates increased for the first time in a decade, largely attributable to [men who sleep with men (MSM)]." Douglas cited "part of the problem [is] coming from sexual meetings arranged through the Internet, which made it difficult to track the course of new syphilis infections." Dr. Douglas, not one to hog all of the media attention, shared the spotlight. "Sexually transmitted diseases pose a significant and ongoing threat, when it comes to reducing syphilis in MSM there is no simple solution. Innovative screening and prevention programs around the country are having a positive impact in many areas and providing crucial lessons that will help us meet new challenges," said Dr. Ronald O. Valdiserri, the acting director of the CDC. Syphilis rates increased in many U.S. cities with large Gay populations, including San Francisco, which had the highest rate of any city for the third straight year, as well as Chicago, Denver, Miami, New York City and Seattle, among others. The national rate of primary and secondary syphilis (the early stages of the disease) rose for the fourth consecutive year in 2004, since hitting an historic low in 2000. The good news was that the national rate of gonorrhea reached an all-time low in 2004. The bad news is, research in 28 cities found an increase in gonorrhea cases that were resistant to fluoroquinolone antibiotics, the first-line treatment for the infection and the increase was eight times higher for MSM than for heterosexuals. "The real problem is HIV. Gonorrhea and syphilis are serious in their own right, but AIDS kills. And other STDs make a person even more likely to catch or transmit HIV," said Dr. Hunter Handsfield, director of Public Health-Seattle & King County's STD Control Program. On November the 18th, the CDC released the following to the media then RAN!& The rate of newly reported HIV cases among Blacks has been dropping by 5 percent a year since 2001, the government said Thursday. BUT, Blacks are still 8 times more likely than Whites to be diagnosed with the AIDS virus. "The racial disparities remain severe," said Lisa Lee, an epidemiologist at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The falling rate among Blacks seems to be tied to overlapping drops in diagnoses among injection drug users and heterosexuals, CDC researchers said. Any, Many, Mighty, Mo, all of this B*LLS**T HAS GOT TO GO! You know when people are lying through their teeth which they make excuses for the smack that they're saying. The study was based on 2001-04 data from 33 states that have named-based reporting systems for HIV. Health officials don't know which diagnoses represent new infections and which ones were infections people had for years, but had just discovered. The CDC found that overall diagnoses in the 33 states decreased slightly, from 41,207 cases in 2001 to 38,685 in 2004. The rate fell from 22.8 case per 100,0000 people in 2001 to 20.7 per 100,000 in 2001. The decline was more pronounced among Blacks-the rate dropped from 88.7 per 100,000 in 2001 to 76.3 in 2004. Among Whites, the rate rose slightly from 8.7 to 9.0. "At least part of the decline among Blacks appears to be tied to a 9 percent annual decline in diagnoses among injection drug users, who can get the virus from contaminated needles. More than half of the drug users were Black," Lee was quoted telling the press. I find this odd because must of the people I see at the Needle Exchange Program are White. The decline is also linked to a 4 percent decline in diagnoses among heterosexuals. About 69 percent of the heterosexuals diagnosed with HIV were Black. Diagnoses among men who have sex with men remained roughly stable from 2001 to 2003, but climbed 8 percent between 2003 and 2004. That was true for men of all races, CDC officials quoted to anyone listening. But, they could not explain the recent increase. The CDC has a list of reasons of why Black men and women have relatively high rates of HIV infection and AIDS. With the top two being poverty and sexually transmitted diseases. The CDC lists that the problem is fueled by denial in the Black community about drug injection use with dirty needles and homosexuality on the low down in the hood. How Very! I live in poverty and I can't afford to have sex! Why is the CDC dealing with this on shaky ground? Well, probably because the folks at the CDC are nervous about the reaction from Blacks throwing a fit and complaining to the N.A.A.C.P. and the A.C.L.U. Yes, once again Blacks are being used as the scapegoats in an epidemic. They wouldn't dare print this about White folks. True, the rise in HIV and STD is a constant happening in the dear old Black Community. Yes, Black men are out on the Down Low and are lying about having sex with men. The Government is trying to come up with a new category for this group. PLEEEASE! Without a shadow of a doubt, there is a higher percentage of HIV and AIDS in the Black female population in the United States. The CDC last year (2004) looked at data from 1999 to 2002 and reported that, using data from 29 states that track HIV infections. The data is somewhat scewed, because several states have serious problems figuring this out including California, New York, and Illinois who did not at that time tabulate a total on HIV infections. Of course, the study found that Black women accounted for nearly 72 percent of the female cases, while Whites made up 18 percent and Hispanics 8.5 percent. True, 13 percent of Americans are Black, you don't need a math scientist to see the scale of the problem. Good news is that the number of new HIV cases reported in women, regardless of race, did not increase during the four years that the study analyzed. Black women in 2002 accounted for 67 percent of the country's AIDS cases among women. The vast majority of Black Women with AIDS live in the South (Shut your mouth, Honey Child!) and the Northeast. Approximately, 35 percent of newly reported HIV cases in the United States between 1999 and 2002 are from heterosexual sex, according to a CDC report published in the February 20th 2004 issue of morbidity and mortality weekly report, as told by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. The report stated that 64 percent of newly reported HIV cases from heterosexual hoochie-coochie were among women. Seventy-four percent were among Blacks. Breaking it down, 55 percent of new HIV infections were among Blacks, 31 percent among whites and 11 percent among Hispanics. If you have any problems with the latter I just mentioned, inform Mckenna at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (2/20 issue). They'll probably tell you that they don't remember or the ever popular: "We didn't say that!" According to Reuter Health (2/19 issue), 90 percent of new HIV infections were from "typical teenagers" engaging in heterosexual sex. Of course, they coped a plea that they were unaware of the risk of HIV transmission through heterosexual sex. Yeah Right! They were under the mind-set that it was a Gay disease. Well, they have their parents and church to thank for this one. Since they're under the impression that it's God's will, what will they call it now? The same comment goes to Blacks who operate under the same mind-set. How are all of the heterosexual women getting infected with the infection rate for heterosexual men lower? Since I asked, I'll probably be told: Contaminated swimming pool, dirty doorknob, and defective Tampon. Speaking of numbers, where are the new statistics for AIDS/HIV 2005? The CDC keeps claiming that there's no epidemics, but haven't published the numbers to prove this fact. Maybe they're testing the water with the shake and fake action as done with the STD and HIV/AIDS cases as the tip of the iceberg. Talking loud and saying nothing! December 9, 2005

First of all this is no attack on how you or anyone else chooses to live, that is up to each of us to decide. This blog is simply an answer to a few things I read in an article the other day. It called itself an introduction to the BDSM lifestyle. I found much of it offensive, rather like most looks at our lifestyle are. What did I read? · That submissives feign their subservience. · That Dominant tops only act dominant, because we need to be nurturing and loving. · That subs are in charge. · That Doms never take their subs farther than their spoken limits. What do I think of those four statements? I’ll use a polite term to answer; ridiculous. BDSM is not a game, nor is it about sex, for many there is zero sex involved. It is not something we who live and love this life would pretend! Those four statements angered and frustrated me. I live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7. My sub does also. He is my boy; he is subservient to me in all things. His focus is me; he is obedient to me and the other Doms in his life. He trusts me with his mind, and his body. He doesn’t pretend this. Why would he? My boy is subservient because it is natural for him to be, if I had an inkling of pretense, we would not be together. He needs what a Dominant offers; love, protection, and security and fulfillment of his needs. That is not to say, he offers nothing. He does. I need to be dominant, to control, and in my case, I am also a sadist, so I have a need to hurt, but not abuse. But, and this is a huge thing, I am also loving and nurturing. Our subs are human with needs and desires, they need their Doms to look after them. We are all complex and I can be all things to my boy. I can tell you now, I am in charge. Perhaps at the very start when you first meet, you are careful not to push too hard. Like any relationship you spend time together, learn about each other’s true natures. The submissive needs to learn about the Dom, just as we need to learn about them. However, my boy is also my husband, and decisions are still mine; about our life, about our car, or the budget, when we eat, his piercings, what he wears, etc. I do ask for his thoughts on things and we talk, and laugh a lot. He is happy. I make sure of it. But final decisions rest with me. This myth that subs are in charge is laughable, because true submissives do not want to be in control, they want to give it up. They want someone else to take it away. And if I hear again that my boy’s submission is a gift, I’ll break something. His submission may not be a gift, however he is, all of him. His submission, his obedience, and his belief and trust in me are precious to me. He essentially trusts me with his life, his happiness to some extent, his fulfillment also. He needs the safety I offer and the love. He wants for little. When it comes to our BDSM play or scenes, I do listen to my boy, but usually I know before he can speak where his head is, whether the planned scene is the right thing. And they will often want to please you, so will try and hide the truth and their true feelings. You must watch for this and if you have even the smallest doubt things are not as they should be, you must not go on. This is a time for discovery, for discussion, your own needs and desires must be put to one side. And about limits. People have them. Submissives have them. Doms may also have them. There are things I do not do, will not do; those are limits. My boy has them, and I do respect them, but some of them I want to change, because I want it to. He knows this. And yes, I am playing on his need to please me. So I push. I ask him to give me what I want. I ask him to take more pain, or wait longer, to hold that position. I ask him to trust me. And I am careful because I know, I know, he will not refuse me. I am also careful because there are things he wants, that are not good for him. That could hurt him badly. He likes to be challenged. However he is fragile as well and I must be so careful with his state of mind. Again, these are times for discussion, frank and honest talk, to discover and learn. Trust, obedience and focus are the big three, with trust being the most important, in my opinion. If there is trust, obedience and focus come more easily. That said, trust can also be the hardest to achieve. How quickly it comes depends on much. What the sub brings in way of baggage, their background, past relationships, physical and mental health, all affect how quickly they will come to trust you. As the Dom, I have to be consistent, I have to be available, in other words, I have to be trustworthy. My sub needs to know he can count on me. But we are human, prone to errors, and I have made them, though I aim not to. And my boy, showed his strengths then, when I needed him to. And so did our small community on GA, when they gathered around him to hold him up, when I could not. In closing, the article that prompted this blog, frustrated me. I love our lifestyle. It is based on trust and honest communication. I do not fake who I am or what I am and neither does my sub. Nor do the other Doms and subs I know. We all offer something; fulfill each other, and the majority of us in long term real BDSM relationships stay that way. To stay safe, happy and fulfilled in our lifestyle, you need to communicate and you need to be honest. We feign nothing. **************

Something happened yesterday that tossed me off the rails for the evening and halfway through the day, today. Well, not off completely but it has made me think - a lot. i have a tendency to just say things. Often i shouldn't, and things that are to me a joke, are not always taken that way. Especially when it is about something relating to my/ our lifestyle. Most of you who read this blog, or my work know i am a submissive. My Sir, Dom, Husband is Michael. When i made the comment i did, it was a joke. However, a comment later made me realize again, that perception is reality. And because i was not mindful, because i did not pay attention to who was seeing what i wrote, or would see it, well i was reminded again of perception and reality. i knew i had disappointed. Michael, who keeps an eye on me and what i do online, later saw it. He spoke to me about it. When He was finished, i sighed and said, okay i understood. He said, "There it is boy, even in the sigh. you do not 'get it'. " He put me on my meditation stool where i was to remain for an hour, thinking. "Tomorrow, boy. I will see a blog about this, won't I?" i replied, "Yes, Sir." ** Here, let me explain, if you are interested in D/s or BDSM as a lifestyle. If you are serious and i get PMs from people who are, who often ask about it. Then know this, you will do a lot of thinking, and self exploration. It is part of it. Learning about yourself is a huge thing, not for the weak. If you are a sub, will likely be on your knees facing a corner or blank wall. You will be silent as will the room you are in. However, your Dom will often check on you. This is a time to learn, not a punishment. A time to meditate and see clearly, the better path. Afterward, you will be rewarded with a talk, and a hug or kiss. Subs are greatly loved, but much is expected in return. As it should be. Subs should be focused, modest, diligent and trusting of their Doms. None of this is easy and we often fall back, but the one we disappoint, is also the one that holds us up. They are the ones who help us on this journey.** When Michael released me from my contemplation, He wrapped in a warm blanket, and held me close. We talked about the sigh and what that meant and i do 'get it'. i am a reflection of Him, of His teaching and badly timed comments reflect on both of us in a negative way. They affect the spirit too in a negative way. i am human, i make mistakes. i can only promise to try ... and that is all that is wanted. Thank you for reading. Feel free to ask questions if you have them.

I am not completely sure how to properly phrase this question, so I am going to use an example. There was a period when I was really really down (not sure I'd call it depression, but it does feel like it, but I am not a psychiatrist, so I don't want to wrongly diagnose myself). I don't know, my Netflix queue was mounting with tragic movies, because they were my narcotics (I don't do drug, though I did drink a lot...). A classmate asked me why I watched those really sad movies, I told her, "When I feel down, I want to keep going lower, so it'll rebound." I don't know, it's a weird explanation, but it does work that way. It's sad at the time, but I always feel slightly better afterward (I guess they made me feel I wasn't alone). I also own some of those really well-written ones on DVDs, so I could watch them over and over again. I usually get sad over the same scene every time I watch the same movie.... Sounds kind of sick I know.... But that's how I got past my days back then. Nowadays, I feel quite a lot better (btw, I got out of that slum without medication, ooh hoo!). And then the other day, it's one of those downer time again, so I thought it's time for a dose of sad sad movie.... I can't say I am happy nowadays, but I guess I am so far away from the worse days of my life, I couldn't finish the movie anymore. I don't know, I would start watching it, feel my heart twisted into a knot, and then I couldn't bear it anymore so I push that stop button and go to sleep. Before, I could watch several tear jerkers back-to-back without any problem. I realize some people when they're down, they prefer to watch comedy. So I am very curious, when do you watch a tragic drama? Do you watch it when you're down, or do you watch it when you are happy and have energy to spend on such taxing recreation?